Article on submission

I am learning that the real hindrance to my ability to walk in the Spirit is my unwillingness to submit. I found a help article that I think gives a good, practical, biblical overview of submission:

http://bible.org/seriespage/taking-second-look-submission-1-peter-213-37

Depression diet

My pastor shared this diet for depression yesterday:

The following diet is designed to help you cope with the stress, paranoia, depression and delusion that builds during the holidays...

Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

Remember, stressed spelled backwards = desserts.

I was actually pretty sad to hear it - and even sadder when everyone laughed at it. I won't say that I've eaten this exactly, but I have had some startling binges in the past.

Sure, I ate more this weekend than I should have, but it was less than last year (woohoo!)
It's the little victories. :)

Treasure in the arms of Christ

This song, Forgiven, by Sanctus Real has been blowing me away in the last couple of weeks. I'm so thankful for it!

Well the past is playing with my head

And failure knocks me down again

I'm reminded of the wrong

That I have said and done

And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life I know what I've been

But here in your arms I know what I am

I'm forgiven I'm forgiven

And I dont have to carry

The weight of who I've been

Cause I'm forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind

And I'll relive my days, in the middle of the night

And I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride

Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere

When I don’t measure up to much in this life

Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ

On-line quiz

Yesterday I let myself be suckered in to taking an on-line quiz from a psychology website. The quiz was about emotional eating. I tried, as best as possible, to honestly answer according to my current beliefs and actions. It was pretty lengthy. I thought, or maybe I was hoping, the site would "diagnose" me or, at least, help me uncover an area to work on or some flesh machinery to deal with.

Nope. None of that. According to their quiz I have a healthy perception of food and body image. Part of me want to sigh with relief, "Thank God", but the truth is that I find this result disturbing. I know what I have running around in my brain and much of it is totally unhealthy, besides being ungodly. I wondered how they make their determination. What are my answers measured up against? The world? Worldly wisdom? The behavior of others? At any rate it can't be very rigorous.

This leaves me with two thoughts:
1. There must be A LOT OF WOMEN out there in massive bondage to sinful/ungodly conceptions about food and body.
2. The Lord will is never-changing an the only thing against which I measure my life.

The first thought saddens me so much! Lord, make me a vessel of Your love so You can minister to other women who need You so badly! I am so thankful for the second thought. The only thing worthwhile as a measuring stick for my beliefs and actions is God's will acted out by Jesus as my example! Anything less is fruitless and not of Him. Thank You, Lord, for showing me Your Truth and thank You for giving me everything I need for life and godliness!

Reality

In the reality that comes from above

God is good, there's no bigger love.

It's His reality that welcomes us back

Trust and obey, there is no other way

- The Newsboys

These last several days have given me a good opportunity to focus on reality. It must be something that is missing in my life, because the Lord is giving me many lessons in it.

On Saturday my husband and I drove to another city to see the Newsboys play. It was so fun. Michael Tate, formerly with DC Talk, is the new lead singer for the Newsboys. I never considered that they might play some old DC Talk songs, but they did! It was like high school/college all over again!

So, that put me on a Newsboys listening trip. I was listening to one of their albums with the song "Reality" whose lyrics I've quoted above. God's reality is so totally different from this world. In His plan, we are to trust and obey (I'm singing the hymn in my head). That is the True way to live, but in my flesh and in this world I am deluded into thinking that myself and my wants and my feelings are the true reality. Yuck! Thank God it's not!

On Sunday we saw a theatre version of C.S. Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters". It's one of my favorite Lewis books. Of course they can't condense the whole book into a 90-minute program, but I think they did a pretty good job. The gist of it is that a senior demon, Screwtape, is writing letters to a underling, Wormwood, giving him advice on how to keep his assigned human from (1) becoming a Christian and (2) being an effective, victorious Christian. At one point Screwtape gives the suggestion of keeping the human from really contemplating what reality is.

This is so vital! To know what true reality really is. If I numb myself to it by TV, books, Internet or even by things that I consider good, like doing projects are church, then I loose sight of God's plan for my life and I rob Him of His glory.

In week 9 of the Thin Within workbook #1 we are looking at 1 Corinthians 6.12:

Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial.

Everything is permissible for me - but I will not be mastered by anything.

I came to the realization that I am still very mastered by lies and inanimate objects. How crazy is it that the ice cream in my freezer has any power over me? The reality is that I give it power. How base is it that the values of the world have power over me? The reality is that I choose to believe lies.

I am taking a stand against believing lies. It's amazing how many of them are ingrained in me and swimming around in my head! I don't even know how much I have to unlearn! It's daunting, but I can never move forward until I come to the realization that I freely choose to believe lies. Only then can I choose to believe God's eternal truth instead.

I feel like I'm writing grandiose statements - I'm doing it on purpose so I can, at a later point, come back and see the gravity of the situation and my desperate need for freedom to believe the truth.

Thank you, God, for getting me to this point! I will choose to trust you to take me to the next!

Slow down!

I think a major kink in my walk towards submission are my constant knee-jerk reactions.

I do everything quickly: I make decisions quickly, I walk quickly, I talk quickly!

I've got to sloooow doooown and let the Lord lead rather than taking control every instant!

I'm working through week 8 of Thin Within workbook #1. This week we are introduced to the Eight Keys to Conscious Eating. On day 4 of this week the first question asks me to note how many of these keys relate to Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". I think almost all of them do (I can't quite figure out yet how to make #5 fit: "I ate and drank only the things my body loved").

I want to add the importance of giving thanks. I've got to slow way down to honestly pray to God. Being sure to always give thanks is such a great reminder to slow down and enjoy God's provision. Plus, it's hard to shove food down my throat if I'm recounting His blessings! :)

Additionally, I feel God challenging me to be thankful more. I've been frustrated recently by others who seem to constantly find fault and enforce their own way. I know that I do the same (even when I'm unaware!) and so now I'm praying about fostering a thankful heart and attitude. I know that even though I may not "feel" thankful at times, the true thankfulness will come with obedience.

Lord, help me to slow down. Help me to enjoy each and every moment that you provide for me. Help me to make the most of the time that yo have allotted to me on this earth. Teach me to be thankful and to act according to your timing - no slower, no quicker. There are so many things about me that I'd like to change. I want to be a loving person, a gracious person, a person who knows You and your mercy inside and out. change me into you, Lord.

I have moments of such desire for the Lord, but they are fleeting. I so want to serve Him and to be a positive reflection of Him in this wirld - in my community, work and home. That kind of total submission is what He asks of me. He doesn't ask me to be thin! He just asks me to believe Him!

I want a cookie

Ok, right now, I don't really want a cookie (woo-hoo! I'll praise God for even this little moment), but I often feel like I want a cookie. I've started saying it out loud. It helps me take control of that feeling, that desire, to eat something sweet and fatty (sugar, fat and salt: the trifecta of addictive foods!).

For example, when I go home tonight, if I'm feeling flesh-y (for whatever reason: stress, frustration, hormones, selfishness, etc.), I might open the pantry and say to my husband, "I want a cookie". He then tends to respond with, "No you don't" or "We don't have any". It may sound odd, but it helps me to get over the craving if I can put a voice to it.

For some time now I've thought that I was going along pretty well, voicing my flesh desire and dealing with it. I realized today, however, that even when I "deal" with this flesh issue, I am ignoring the spiritual issue.

The truth is, I need the Lord. Even when I don't feel like it.

The only way that I will ever have victory in the flesh is to focus on the eternal, spiritual, loving, all-knowing God whose Spirit has taken up residence inside my heart.

Lord, draw me to You! Even in apparent moment of fleshly victory I am still lost without You. Be my all, Lord. Also, change me into a person who is thankful and who is known for gracious thankfulness. You've done so much for me, for us! Remind me to declare it. It is truth! Amen.

This is the day that the Lord has made

Will I rejoice and be glad in it?

If I can make it through today without eating an entire cake I can do anything.

I've been antsy all day - wanting food to be my fix. I've said 'no' for the most part (although I ate my lunch from home before I was at a 0). I just got off the phone with a justifiably angry person. I could do nothing for her, unfortunately, but listen. It was really rough on me. I got off the phone and started crying. I think it was a combination of anxiousness all day (that I didn't numb with food) and being verbally assaulted over the phone.

Phew (imagine me wiping my brow).

I am no officially very hungry. I am totally justified in eating up to a 5. Even if I chose to eat cake :)

Praise be to the Lord, our Father, and Jesus Christ, His Son.

Choices

Over the last couple of weeks I have chosen to make some poor decision, throwing myself into overeating.

I'd like to cast blame on my circumstances, but I know I can't. I've chose to overeat of my own free will. I am not a victim of my circumstances and I must choose to believe that my actions are representative of a hard, selfish, I-want-what-I-want heat.

I'm so disappointed because I want to be done with gluttony and body image idolatry. Sigh...

So, what am I going to do now? Deal with it. Praise God that today is a new day!

My husband just gave me a quote from a Vietnam soldier who was a POW. This was his attitude:

Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties.
And at the same time
Confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

It's called the Stockdale Paradox. Now, I don;t know if he's a believer, but it is good advice, I think. I've got to have faith and hope that the Lord is eventually going to change me, while dealing with the facts at the same time.

I've decided to put the following verse on my pantry door (Hopefully it will encourage me!)

Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

1 Corinthians 10:31

Lord, help me to choose to glorify You, regardless of my weight. You matter, not my jeans size.

Grumpiness

I am convinced that the medication I'm on makes me "feel" grumpy. I was never one to suffer from PMS until I started on this medication and now I'm convinced that the hormonal affect puts me on edge.

So, what do I do with it? I may be unable to control my circumstances, but I am the only one who can control my reaction.

I've been aware of my grumpiness so I've been trying to filter my reactions, and apologizing a lot when I don't succeed!

I've noticed this week that many things that normally wouldn't be are very irritating to me. And all I've wanted to do this week is anesthetize myself with food. My eating, although no longer the binges that once were, has been reactionary to my feelings. I've also been sleeping more than normal.

The Lord has given me good time with Him this week and I am seeing areas that need to be changed in order to depend on Him more. I'm thankful for this time I've had in the Word.

So, what do I have to say with all of this? Trust in the Lord, because sometimes I can't even trust my own body. :)

Victim or Victor?

It all comes down to 1) what I know to be True and 2) my attitude.

My husband and I often talk about overcoming and resisting a victimization mentality. Both of us grew up with it in our family and want to walk away from it. It is a trap. For me, the victimization mentality is a state of mind in which a person is rarely in the wrong, is never the one at fault and has an attitude of 'them vs. me'.

I think it's just a version of the blame game. As a race we've been playing it ever since Adam blamed his sin on Eve, and she her deception on the serpent.

In my job I've known the mother of a pediatric patient who truly seems to embrace a victim mentality. It's sad to me because it seems that it's an attitude that she learned from her family and I think will probably be passed on to her child. It's a hard cycle to break, as I've seen in myself and in my own family. There's only one cure.

Today I met another mother of a pediatric patient. I was called to met her briefly and then her child died of cancer. I was called again for the chaplain to meet with her. When I got to the room I found her on her knees, crying out to the Lord. This is the gist of her prayer:

Lord, why couldn't you have waited to take him? He so wanted to see his grandparents again. But I know he is with You now and I know that I will see him again. This is so hard, Daddy, inject me with You, with Your love so I can bear this. You have been with me every step of the way and I know that You are with me now and that he is with you. Thank You for loaning him to me for these nine years. Thank You, Lord, Thank You, Lord, Thank You, Lord. I know that he is Yours and I thank You for loaning him to me. Give me Your peace, Daddy so I can show You to all these who are here who have been helping us. Thank You. Enable me to go on because I can't get up without You. Amen.

That is not the prayer of a victim. That is the prayer of a person who know Truth in the Lord and is wholly dependent on Him. It is the prayer of a person who is devastated, but a victor in Christ Jesus.

In my job I unfortunately see many deaths, a lot of them being children. Most of the time the stricken family wails, "Why God? Why did this happen to me/us/him/her?" Most of the time I can handle the death, because I can walk away. This is one of the few times that I've cried and it's not because of the passing, it's because of the loving, dependent prayer of a deeply saddened mother who knows the Lord. It was one of the most beautiful things that I've ever witnessed. I was called to 'help' her, but she is the one who ministered to me.

Lord, I want to have a heart like hers! Bless this mom in her grief. Bless the other mom who still doesn't know You. You are the only answer we have to the victimization mentality.

Oh victory in Jesus my Savior forever!

Leaning on the promises of God

Expectation minus reality equals disappointment

I totally love this quote! I heard it on Family Life Radio a couple of weeks ago (I think it was Dr. Randy Carlson who said it).

It's a really essential truth for me. Almost every time I feel down, sad or depressed I can link my emotion to a moment of disappointment - a time when I didn't get my way or have my expectations satisfied.

I have one close family member who seems to live in constant disappointment. I will prayerfully consider sharing this quote.

The truth of it is that this happens usually when my expectations/hopes are disordered or unrealistic. For example, using the Thin Within principles I can form my own expectation that I will melt down to a size 4. When that doesn't happen, if that was my hope, I will be left disappointed, maybe angry, probably sad and then I'll be on the road again to depression.

I have no promise of size 4. There is no logical reason for me to put my hopes/expectations in something that that probably isn't a reality for me. However, the Word of God is True! His promises are everlasting. There is no disappointment when I trust in the promises of God.

He promised a child to Sarah in her old age (Romans 9:9)
For this is the word of promise: “At this time I will come and Sarah shall have a son.”

He promised abundance to the Israelites (Deuteronomy 6:3)
Therefore hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you, and that you may multiply greatly as the LORD God of your fathers has promised you—‘a land flowing with milk and honey.’

He promised to give us His Holy Spirit (Acts 1:4-5)
And being assembled together with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the Promise of the Father, “which,” He said, “you have heard from Me; for John truly baptized with water, but you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.”

There are so many more! Help me Lord to believe in Your promises and to not be disappointed by selfish or man-made promises or desires!

For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.

1 Corinthians 1:20

Eve's curse

In my Monday night Ladies' Bible study we've been reading about Eve in John MacArthur's "Twelve Extraordinary Women". Today I was working on my homework for Monday night. Many of the questions are directed towards learning from Eve.

MacArthur argues that Eve was a very beautiful woman and, despite not having a lot of information about her, we do know that she was the pinnacle of God's creation. She was created to help (not in a demeaning way) and to be protected and lead. She was easily deceived. She was cursed with not just painful childbirth, but also a longing to be, or usurp, her husband.

I think it all boils down to the fact that, in her flesh, she desired to be like God - and that was her curse. This same curse has been passed down to all of the daughters of Eve - including me. My greatest struggle is submission to the Lord. Over and over in my homework lesson I saw the Lord pointing out to me that what I most lack is submission to Him.

His load is light and His burden is easy! At my Thin Within meeting on Thursday my buddy and I talked about our struggles to add some kind of "law" to His grace. I admitted that a huge temptation for me is to add counting calories to the 0-5 eating. I have to choose to not have a constant tally in my mind. ANY and EVERY thing that I do that adds something to His grace, that includes more than believing, trusting and resting in Him, is law.

In order to submit to the Lord, I must rest in Him and His provision for me. On Calvary, Christ's provision for me was grace, not only for eternal salvation, but for each and every moment of my life. He has provided me a body that works. It works! I have all of my parts! It functions correctly! I spend 5 days a week working with people who's bodies aren't ok, that aren't functioning properly. How can I ignore what God has provided for me in my body?

In the Thin Within workbook, we're encouraged to keep a light food log: indicate starting number, the food that I ate and approximate amount, the number I was at after and how I felt while eating. I was really reluctant to keep the log because, in the past, I had a tendency to obsessively focus on calories. The Lord has helped me to just use the log as an accountability tool. I'm thankful.

I'm also thankful for the (FINALLY) cooler weather. The highs have been in the 80s or low 90s, so I've gotten to start jogging again. It is the exercise that makes me feel the best. I can't run the whole distance, I walk parts, but I'm thankful to get out and get moving!

Finally, by relying on God He is showing me when I need to eat and when I need to stop. I've never stopped after just two pieces of pizza! Wow! Plus, it was homemade (ok, I bought the dough, my dough never come out that great).

Little by little...poco a poquito...tiny progress, but I'm noting moving backward :)

Lavish abundance

Several years ago, when I was working for McDonald's, one day I was eating lunch in the break room. One of the managers was also there and she was listening to a preacher on the radio. I don't remember his topic, but I do remember how he referred to God's love. It is laaaavish. Not just "lavish" - imagine the word dripping off your tongue like butter. Imagine cake slathered in frosting. God's love is "laaaavish".

I like telling that story (in person!) whenever I'm in an environment where we're talking about God's lavish love/grace/mercy/kindness/etc.

In my ladies' Bible study we're now going through John MacArthur's "Twelve Extraordinary Women". Chapter 1 is about Eve. I'd like to quote a paragraph from the text on page 11:

"[Satan] twists the meaning of God's Word: "Has God indeed said, 'You shall not eat of every tree of the garden'?" God's commandment had actually come to Adam as a positive statement: "Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat" (Gen. 2:16-17 NKJV, emphasis added). The serpent casts the command in negative language ("You shall not eat of every tree"), making God's expression of lavish generosity sound like stinginess. He was deliberately misrepresenting the character and the command of God."

I underlined the part that most stand out to me. Do I, in my attempt to have control and maintain self-sufficiency, view God's grace and compassion towards me as stingy? In my desire to lose weight, am I angered by the 'limit' imposed on food in the Thin Within plan as stinginess?

What has the Lord not provided for me? What do I lack? I lack nothing physical - even in the tightest times of my life I've always had a roof over my head and enough to eat. I lack nothing spiritual (in Christ I have everything I need for life and godliness). So what am I whining about?

In my Thin Within meeting tonight we were talking about grace and belief. We need not "do" anything - just believe. It sounds simple, but it is often more easily said than done in my life!

Lord, your love is poured out upon me lavishly. You continue to moment by moment provide for an abundant life. Let me never consider You to be stingy just because I don't get my way. You have given me so much more than I could ever ask or hope for. Thank You!

Reflections on the gluttony talk

I've been mulling over in my mind some of the points that Crystal Munson made in her gluttony talk (see the link in the previous post). Her talk wasn't intellectual and she spoke as a person who is still dealing with gluttony (even if she doesn't indulge in it, the temptation continues lurking...).

She started with Philippians 3:18-19
For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.

She said that these verses speak nothing of the outward appearance of people, rather it deals with their attitude towards Christ. I, like her, think, "I'm not an enemy of Christ, like the verse says," but the truth is that if my god is my stomach and if my mind is on earthly things, then I am, in my actions, defined as an enemy to Christ.

Now, I know that eternally, I am not an enemy to Christ. He made that possible on Calvary. Colossians 2.17 says "To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Also, Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The live I now live I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." So, as a believer Christ is in me, but I don't always behave that way.

For years I never knew or saw gluttony as a sin, but now that I know, I have no excuse. The truth is, most of the time I don't want to submit to His teaching or leading. I want to do things my way, but when I behave that way it only goes to prove that in my actions I am an enemy to Christ.

Thank you, lord, for showing me truly that gluttony is sin. You hate sin. You have provided an abundant life for me to live and have provided ways for me to turn from temptation. Thank You for Your Word which teaches me and guides me. Even now, help me to turn to You and choose to believe what You say is eternal Truth.

As I meditate more on the talk I'll add to these thoughts.

Talk on gluttony

The gal that I meet with bi-weekly for the Thin Within workbook #1 sent me the following link on a talk at a women's conference:

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/christian-womanhood-/gluttony

I think it's really worthwhile to listen to. It's almost an hour in length. The speaker, Crystal Munson, gives her own transparent testimony about her past and current struggles with this sin and gives some helpful verses to back up her exhortations to those also battling it.

My TW buddy found her talk especially helpful to understand the sinfulness of gluttony. I'm thankful for it, as well, since it's not a often discussed sin in the church body.

The speaker encourages the listeners to prayerfully study Bible passages (any passage, actually) and ask the Lord to show us how His Word speaks to us about our habitual sin of gluttony. I think that's a super exercise and hope to implement it into my Bible study time. This summer as I went through Beth Moore's "Stepping Up" study I chose to focus my pilgrimage on my journey away from gluttony and towards freedom in Christ. We didn't have to have any particular focus for that study but I think (1) it helped me apply what I was learning to real life and (2) it gave me another vehicle from which I could contend with this habitual sin. Practice makes perfect!

Forgiven and Loved

Have you ever heard the song "Forgiven and Loved" by Jimmy Needham? If not, look it up on youtube or another service. It brings joy to my heart.

I am both forgiven and loved by the One whose grace and mercy is great enough to accept me just as I am and who works out my sanctification on a daily basis.

I have no ability on my own to submit to the Lord or to have any spiritual growth. He accomplishes it in me.

This week in the TW workbook #1 I looked up Zechariah 4.6 which says:
Then he [the LORD] said, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel saying, 'Not by might nor by power, but by my spirit,' says the LORD of hosts.

Only by the Spirit of the Most Holy can I get out of the pit of selfish gluttony.

For the first several months of this year I was fairly successful in 0-5 eating, but I have to confess that recently my eating has been entirely out of whack. I've stalled in weight loss since July and sometimes I find myself using everything in me to not eat anymore. I know that my focus is not on the Lord. I know it. I am in a food-funk and I can't figure my way out. My only hope is to continue in prayer and study, hanging on to anything that the Lord provides, until He finally pulls me out of this. I feel that this is an issue that will just last a season, but I wonder how lengthy this season is.

God, you are good. I know from Colossians 1.27 (from TW this week) that my hope for glory is Christ abiding in me.

I'd write more but I got called to a trauma -

So, is it sin?

The first time we see Satan (the serpent) act in the Bible he tries to get Eve to question whether her desired action is really sin. God had told Eve and her husband not to eat the fruit of a certain tree. Satan questioned Eve to see if she really believed God's command to be true. Volumes and volumes of text have been written about what Adam and Eve's sin. I usually hear that their sin was lack of obedience, lack of submission or pride. I think a precursor to all of that is lack of belief.

We act on our beliefs. Belief causes behavior. In Thin Within (both the text and workbook #1) I read that my belief is going to influence my actions. We read about the eagle in the chicken yard - believing that he was a chicken and acted as such.

As a follower of Christ, I have to believe that something is a sin before I choose to stop doing it. Unless I'm convinced that it is sinful I plan on continuing in my past/current behavior.

This is where I get stuck. For so many years I never saw overeating as a sin. I never believed God's Word about gluttony so I indulged in the sin. Maybe it was fun at times, but in the long run it only hurt me.

A friend in my Sunday school class this weekend told us this quote:

Sin keeps you longer than you intended stay,

it takes you further than you wanted to go,

and cost you more than you wanted to pay

Erwin Lutzer

The truth is, even now, I continue to over-eat, focus on how fat I am, lust after a smaller size and become jealous of those who lose weight more quickly. I still have yet to believe that what God is telling me is Truth (with a capital T).

Lord, help my unbelief!

Owning it, not just knowing it

A guy I used to go to church with said, "I know the truth, but I don't own it," meaning that he knew the Truth of God in his head, but he didn't really believe it enough to make it evident in his life.

I feel like I'm in a serious state of not owning what I say I believe about Christ and my identity in Him. I'm going to use my post today to reiterate what I know to be true, with the hope of living it out and owning it.

There's a good deal of change going on around me. I feel like a lot of people are moving on or away. Some of the change saddens me (I've had a "down" feeling for about 3 days and can't seem to shake it) and some of the change raises up feelings of jealousy.

For example, one of my co-workers has decided to go on a severely calorie-restricting diet that uses synthetic hormone supplements to trick your body into losing weight. In about a week she's lost 10 pounds. On the surface, I, too, would love to lose that much in such a short amount of time, but I don't ever want to live through her ordeal. She starves herself and weighs herself religiously. I do not ever want to be so tied to food or the scale again. I've done it before and it makes me miserable!

So, what do I do with all of these feelings? I take them to the Lord. I recognize that my feelings may be valid, but they are not Truth.

• The Truth of the Lord is that I am free in Christ, whether I ever lose another pound or not.
• The Truth of the Lord is that my value is found in Christ alone, my Redeemer.
• The Truth of the Lord is that I have not been 100% submissive to Him in eating or body image idolatry.
• The Truth of the Lord is that I need balance and peace from Him in order to live a healthy (spiritually, physically and mentally) life.
• The Truth of the Lord is that He knows how all of this ends.
• The Truth of the Lord is that I can mess up, be wrong and even sin and He still loves me.
• The Truth of the Lord is that He knew I would go through this season of life before He created me.
• The Truth of the Lord is that if I take my eyes off of Him I have no direction, guidance, wisdom or ability other than what the world has bombarded my puny little brain with.
• The Truth of the Lord is that He has a plan for me to prosper me and nor harm me, to give me a hope and a future.
• The Truth of the Lord is that this body is not my own. I was bought at a price. I am only a steward (manager) of what God has given me.
• The Truth of the Lord is that my body is a Temple of the Holy spirit.
• The Truth of the Lord is that Christ lives in me.
• The Truth of the Lord is that focusing on His truth is the only way that I will successfully overcome sin and be transformed into His image.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for giving me these few little moments to focus on Truth. Help me to flee from temptation and focus on You.

Thin Within meeting #2

I apparently didn't understand the set-up for my TW meetings, so I'm a week behind.

When we agreed to meet every other week I thought that it meant we would do one week of homework over 2 weeks of calendar time. Oops! I guess we're doing the homework daily, but only meeting every two weeks. so, I should be starting week 4, but I still have week 3 to work on. I'll have to play catch-up!

I'm most excited that God has opened my mind up to memorizing Scripture. When I was a teenager I memorized all kinds of things, but I've let that skill lag in recent years. I do have the first 3 verses down. Yay!

Week 2 in TW workbook 1 focuses on God's goodness and that fact that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Each day we work through exercises and Bible verses that emphasize these truths.

I think I'm doing pretty well with the topic of God's goodness and I see how important it is to reinforce this truth at an early stage in the process. If I don't believe that God is good, then I won't trust Him to change me for the better.

I still tend to view my body as my own (and, therefore, choose to do whatever I want with it), so I'm thankful for the emphasis on my body being God's temple, bought by Him to give Him glory.

There are three parts to the workbook: the workbook itself, a daily "journal" and a sheet of cards with the Bible verses to facilitate memorization. In the journal during the first two weeks there is a section to write out the memory verse, and a section to write about what God is showing me. Beginning in the third week there is space for a food journal - writing down my hunger number before I began eating, what I ate, my number afterwards and how I felt while eating. I am cautiously and prayerfully participating in the food journal. I have only done food journaling in the past to count calories and I am concerned that I will become obsessive about it and choose not to eat a times so I don't feel guilty for writing it down. It's crazy! I know it can be a helpful tool as long as I let God lead. Otherwise, I'm throwing it out the window.

Memory verse for week 3: Galatians 2.20 (written TW style)
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Sweet.

gummies and pasta

I love candy gummies. I don't know if it's because of the texture or that I just like having something to chew on. Gummies are a happy food for me. There's no nutrition, of course. It's mainly colored and slightly colored corn syrup. The fun for me is in the chew and in the shape.



Monday night after a long day at work I stopped by the Trader Joe's and I saw they had penguin gummies. I was pretty excited and I jumped on the impulse-buy wagon. I was a little disappointed to see that they aren't really penguin-shaped, more like ghost-shaped with a squishy belly. Actually, they remind me of the McDonald's character, Grimace.



It was a small bag. I had a few on Monday. Then, Tuesday morning after a tough spinning class I ate the rest of them while waiting for my regular food to cook. I said to my husband, "Oh, I spent all of my hunger on gummies!" I took my regular food to work. Waste not want not.



I was surprised to be filled by gummies. That has never before happened in my life. It sure wasn't a "whole-body pleaser" but I was able to recognize full after eating them. Huh. Go figure.



I spent a few years avoiding certain foods at all cost because I felt I had no control/will power over them. Some that come to mind are: white bread (I would eat half the loaf in toast form in one sitting), corn flakes (I could finish a box in a day), ice cream (ya, I've finished a carton in a day) and pasta. Pasta was one of those soft, easily made, easily consumed foods that disappeared before I blinked twice. Plus, once I realized how many calories were in a tiny little serving, I decided it wasn't worth it.



I don't buy pasta very often now and I tend to measure it out if I'm going to eat it. Today, for some reason, I decided to prepare the whole bag and have it for lunches/dinners to take to work. I'll admit that I ate past a 5, but I ate so much less than what would have filled me in the past. I think I was full on 2 servings, rather than the 6 or so that I would have had previously. I think God is teaching me to change my eating, and so changing my fullness levels.



I wonder... does that mean I'll be able to healthfully consume other previously taboo foods? I may cautiously try.



I've been seriously putting off Bible study this week. I don't work tomorrow, so I plan to make some definite quality time for study of the Word and prayer. I miss it!

Instant gratification or discipline?

I do a lot of deep thinking in the shower. How about you?

The other day I was thinking about having to give up certain things in my life if I wanted to add in other things. I threw myself a little pity party right there in the shower and thought that I don't want to give up my activities, my independence, my happiness...blah, blah, blah.

I realized that I'd be ok if those things were taken from me, but I for sure don't want to have to lay them down and walk away. You see, if they are taken from me, then I am the victim and I can shift the blame outwardly. If I choose to give something up I have no one to look to but myself if my choices make me unhappy. Man! I am like that all of the time. I am not very good at living out Romans 12.1:

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.

What I want is instant gratification ALL OF THE TIME, but I know fully that the blessing is not found in gratifying the flesh continually. Below is a link to a youtube video about kids, marshmallows and instant gratification:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amsqeYOk--w&feature=related

God pointed me today to Hebrews 12. I have a serious need to do a deep study of verses 1-13. It's all about discipline in the Christian walk. The one thing that gets us through it is looking at Jesus, contemplating Him who is our perfect example and complete provider.

I'll work on this passage and post on it later.

Exercise

I go to the YMCA for exercise (especially in the summer months when it's too hot here to be outside). My favorite class is Zumba - dance aerobics with Latin dance music. I also do spinning, kick boxing and yoga depending on when I have free time during the week. I don't do very well on the machines. I get really bored really fast. I'm looking forward to cooler weather so I can get out and jog or cycle.

I used to hate, hate, hate exercise. About 8 years ago I got to a point with my weight where I was totally disgusted with myself. I resolved to lose weight. I decided to put myself on a 2000 calorie diet (because that's what "they" always say is a good amount) and to exercise everyday. I was in school full-time (my last semester) and was working full-time at McDonald's. I counted calories diligently (I now know the caloric content of every menu item at McD). I was pretty tired every day but I urged myself to exercise even just 20 minutes per day. I didn't want to go to the gym or be in public, so I started my own aerobic dancing in my basement apartment (thank God it was the basement!). Doing 20 minutes was so hard at times. I even knew how many songs on certain CDs added up to 20 minutes and rarely went past it.

In some ways it was a good semester. I lost 25 pounds that I have never regained. On the other hand, I was a slave to the calorie numbers. Sometimes I felt starved for more. Other times I ate when I wasn't hungry just because I had extra calories to spare. It's an obsessive place to be in.

I had an even more obsessive time about 4 years ago which was successful for only about 4 months and all of the weight quickly returned.

I'm thankful that the Lord has taught and grown me into a person that doesn't have to calorie count everything (although I still have a very strong tendency towards that) and I exercise if I want and if I have time. No more beating myself up for not exercising. Well, I'm not totally free of it yet. Is it possible to be free-er?

In my yoga class the last couple of weeks the instructor has asked us to "send positive energy" to her daughter who has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. It makes me cry. I don't know what "positive energy" is or what it is supposed to do. However, I DO KNOW the King of the universe and He loves her so. I pray for them to know Jesus and for Him to get all of the glory for any successful treatment that she may get. I can't remember the daughter's name, but her mom is Gladys if you'd like to pray for her.

What a privilege! To know the Maker of all heaven and earth!

Psalm 8 (Amplified)

1 O LORD, our Lord, how excellent (majestic and glorious) is Your name in all the earth! You have set Your glory on [or above] the heavens.
2 Out of the mouths of babes and unweaned infants You have established strength because of Your foes, that You might silence the enemy and the avenger.
3 When I view and consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained and established,
4 What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of [earthborn] man that You care for him?
5 Yet You have made him but a little lower than God [or heavenly beings], and You have crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet:
7 All sheep and oxen, yes, and the beasts of the field,
8 The birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatever passes along the paths of the seas.
9 O Lord, our Lord, how excellent (majestic and glorious) is Your name in all the earth!

Psalm 115:15

May you be blessed by the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Do you not know?

I'm working through week 2 of the Thin Within workbook #1. Each week there is a Bible verse to memorize. I have been so lax during most of my Christian walk about memorizing Scripture. I am really trying to focus on it now.

The verse for last week was from Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things. Do not dwell in the past. See - I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

That's a good thing to remember! God is the great "I am". He is the present. He lives in the present and call me/us to do the same.

The verse from this week is from 1 Corinthians 6.19-20
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God in your body.

(I tried to type those by memory, I'm still lacking a little in the second one).

This verse is a great truth. Once I gave my life to Christ (I gave - a completed action that I performed in the past), it is no longer my own (not that it really ever was). If I give something up, I can no longer lay claim to it.

I cannot claim my own rights or say that I deserve anything. I know what I do deserve and it is a gracious and merciful thing that God isn't giving it to me!

So, if I have a hard day at work do I have the right to eat with abandon? This life is no longer mine. I am not the Master of this house. I ought not think that I can just do anything with it. It is the Lord's temple. I am so limited in my puny human mind to think that I know the ultimate best for me. I know very little! Praise God that He always has my best at heart (His best being Himself)!

I was thinking about my 'rights' the other day. can I really lay claim to any right at all? I don't have a right to owning a house or a car; I don't have a right to a university education or a good job (or any job at all!); nor do I have the right to do as I please whenever I please. And yet, the world I live in tells me I have the right to these things and so many more!

I'm even told in the Declaration of Independence that my Creator has given certain unalienable rights: to live, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. There is nowhere in Bible where the Lord God of the universe gives me these rights (if I'm wrong, please correct me). I don't have the right to life, life is a gift from the Lord (Romans 5.12-21). I certainly don't have the right to freedom. My freedom is in Christ alone - a gift from Him when He freed me from my bondage to sin (Galatians 5.1). And how can I pursue joy or happiness apart from the Lord?

The only right that I count on is the right that was gifted to me by the Father:
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12)

What a glorious gift and right that I can lay claim to! I am a child of God! I will let Him guide me in the details.

first Thin Within meeting!

Last night I had my first get-together with a local gal who is also going through the Thin Within workbook #1!

I'm super excited about it. She is the first person that I've ever met face-to-face who knows the TW book, program and The Lord's Table. Also, she's a believer (I started by typing "of course", but really there's no assuming anything). It was so great because we can use the lingo and know exactly what we're talking about.

I'm glad to have someone to go through it with so I can have some accountability. I think I talked her head off, though - poor lady! :)

I especially like the importance that the workbook puts on Scripture memorization. I even memorized the first one! I used to try to memorize a lot, but I've become lazy and complacent in that discipline over the years. I'm glad I have a motivation to try again.

Today my husband and I prepped dinner for a foreign student Bible study at ASU. I don't get to attend with him because I have to work :( I made some Cuban food, I hope they enjoy it. In the process, however, I sliced up my thumb pretty terribly. Not bad enough to warrant stitches, but it hurts and I should get a tetanus shot...lock jaw will do me no good!

The Shack

I started reading "The Shack" this week on recommendation from a friend. I've heard mixed reviews, but most have been positive. I have to admit, up until now I mostly like it.

For sure, it is an analogy and any analogy of what/who/how God is will be imperfect. This book is being likened to "Pilgrim's Progress". I've met some people who like it (I loved it, but analogies work really well for me) and some people who don't. The things I like most about "The Shack" have less to do with the analogies and more to do with explanations.

I think the book does a really good job explaining good versus evil, light verses dark, and the importance of relationship with God and in the Body of believers.

I can see how a lot of people wouldn't like the book. It questions the reader's understanding of Who God is (big white bearded man in the sky?), the difference between religion and relationship and our role in the community of believers.

Again, I can't expect this book to be perfect, because it was written by a human, but I think it brings up many good points. An every time it talks about God's love it takes my breath away.

I'm not finished yet, but I've been zooming through it. I imagine I will finish it soon.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maybe it's because I've been reading this book (it's causing me to think about and deal with some sin issues that are uncomfortable)... this week I have been so grumpy. And sad. I snapped at my husband last night, which I've really never done before (not bad for 15 months of marriage). I know that I have been needing to dive head-first into some truth, but I just haven't wanted to.

Instead, I've wanted to console myself with food (I think I snapped at my husband after he took the chips away from me) and anesthetize myself with TV and sleep (I went to bed at 8 pm last night).

The truth is: I've got to get over myself. I've got to focus on the Lord rather than on me. Only then will I be satisfied and only then will I be free.

Entitlement

I started the Thin Within workbook #1 today. For all of my desire to do well, be obedient and follow the guidelines I just really feel entitled to eat three times a day.

Today after church we went to a luncheon given by a friend who returned from work in Afghanistan. I always love hearing from her and hearing about the things that God is doing in Central Asia. Pray for "James" if you get a chance. He's a local believer.

Our friend brought in Afghan food- yummy! Now, 8 hours later I'm not hungry, but I want to be. Also, I had a stress-provoking call about a family issue. I told my husband afterward that all I wanted to do was eat.

Lord, help me to be obedient to You and to my body.

Day 30 of Thin Within

Today I did the last reading in the Thin within book.

I'm so thankful that I was directed to this God-focused, grace-oriented look at gluttony, body image and food idolatry.

Starting Sunday I am going to begin going through Workbook #1 of the Thin within series. Even though going through the 30-day book over 3 months was a nice pace, I think it will be good to do the daily Bible study that the workbook offers. It looks like I might even have someone to go through it with me live!

I'm going to step on the scale on Sunday - I haven't for a little while now - and we'll see if there are any physical changes after this summer's study :)

Jesus is my enabler

I hope this doesn't look disrepectful!

Last night on my way home I heard a snipit of a message from Charles Stanley (I think). He spoke on Philipians 4.13 and described it as Paul's way of saying that everything he does is empowered or enabled by God.

I think it would be cool to have a t-shirt that says "Jesus is my enabler" on the front and "Philippians 4.13" on the back!

The truth is, He is the only One who enables or empowers me to do anything good or for His glory.

He's the One who will enable me to walk away from food idolatry. I

am really fed up with it (no pun intended, but enjoyed)! I just want to be done already. I wish I could put it down and walk away. I feel like in Jesus I should be able to just lay it down. Can I? Will I sabotage myself? Or can I really just walk away from it?

Enable me, Jesus, to chose you!

GOODSTUFF # 606 WORTH

The following is from a weekly email that my Sunday School teacher, Bert Harned, puts out. You can see a number of his musings at his website: http://www.bertsgoodstuff.com/. I hope this speaks to you as it did to me.

The worth of something to you is revealed by how much you are willing to pay for it.

That means that God’s love for us is enormous beyond our ability to understand!
When I think of Who it is that loves me, it is overwhelming!

Ruth Myers book THE SATISFIED HEART is about the incredible love God has for us. It has greatly helped me to understand God’s love.

Several years ago I took time to seriously think about His love for me and wrote down a list of words that helped me get a handle on what Jesus was willing to pay

He was lifted up (on the cross); marred; despised; forsaken; stricken; smitten; afflicted; pierced; crushed; chastened; scourged; oppressed; cut off; put to grief; anguished; poured out...........

For the love which Christ has [for me] Presses on me from all sides, Holding me to one end Prohibiting me from considering any other, Wrapping itself around me in tenderness

(Wuest 2 Cor 5.14)

"YOU ARE PRECIOUS TO ME, & I LOVE YOU" Isa 43.4

"I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE." Jer 31.3

"HE CARES FOR YOU." 1 Peter 5.7

"THY LOVINGKINDNESS IS BETTER THAN LIFE.." Psalms 63.3

"BEHOLD..I HAVE INSCRIBED YOU ON THE PALMS OF MY HANDS." Isa 49.16

Spend some time on it!

bh August 22, 2009

submission and obedience

James 4:7 "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

Apparently the Lord wants me to learn obedience and submission. Over the last few years God has taught me that these two words aren't bad. They are godly and describe a person who is in communion with the Lord.

For a long time I've known that I don't love others the way God does. I really appreciated the Forgiveness exercise from the Thin Within book, because it helped to teach me to do a godly, commanded exercise that I didn't "feel" like doing. I can chose to do the things God commands me to, or leads me to, because I want to be obedient and submissive to him.

One of the beautiful things that has come out of learning about Islam is that the name of their very belief system means "submission". Of course, I wish they knew the hope of grace in Christ Jesus that empowers believers to live a godly life, but I also wish that we, as believers in Christ, focused more on the freedom that comes through submission.

The teaching pastors at my church have been going through a series about prayer. Today the focus was on answered prayer. One of my main prayers right now is freedom from gluttony and food/body idolatry. The Lord has been so good to me over these last several months, yet in my refusal to submit to Him at times, I have foiled my own hope of freedom.

Our pastor posed the question, "Are you trying to answer your own prayer?"

Am I praying to God, saying that I am expectant of Him, but doing the best to try to solve it myself? Am I feigning submission?

Lord, help me to be submissive to you. Only then will I be able to resist my flesh, the word, and the lies of Satan. It is very possible that I will always have inappropriate desires for food, but I pray that in Your strength, I will be able to choose You instead. Lord, truly, my desire is to be so liberated from food that i don't think about it nor am I interested in it unless I'm hungry. I don't know if that is what you'll have for me, but I know that You have done greater things than this. Amen.

YAY!

I had the best day yesterday!

I took the train (light rail) to work and surprisingly sat next to an old roommate, who I see much less often than I would like. Then, I was busy at work. It was delightful :) I want to work when I'm at work, not try to find something to do. Then, I had some time after work so I went to one of my favorite coffee shops, got some tea and did some Bible study homework. To top that off I got to have dinner at one of my favorite places with one of my favorite people...sigh, it was lovely.

I've decided to go through the Thin Within workbook #1 once we finish the book in a couple of weeks. I got it in the mail last week. It's pretty intense - 12 weeks of daily Bible study. It will be good for me. They also include space for daily charting. Honestly, I haven't really been using the charts much in the Thin Within book. At first, I was scared that I would become legalistic about it so I never started. I think, now, they are tools that I will be able to use, but I'm going to be very observant of how I relate to them. They are just tools, like food is just energy; they are not gods.

Ramadan starts on Saturday the 22nd. It is a time of month-long fasting in the Muslim world as they seek to know God more. My prayer is for them to know Jesus, not as prophet, but as savior and Lord. There is an organization that produces a prayer booklet for Christians to use in praying for Muslims during the month of Ramadan. You can check them out here: http://www.30-days.net/

Thank you, Jesus, for providing exactly what I need - and abundantly!

Focus on the Lord

This week has been pretty "bleh".

My eating has been kind of out of whack and I haven't done any exercise at all. My legs are anxious to move! I usually get some exercise in on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, but for one reason or another it didn't happen this week.

I've also really been struggling to keep in the Word and in prayer. I know that's a huge reason why my eating has been unbalanced. I have not invited God to any of my meals this week.

I've had a grumpy, bad attitude.

Today is a new day. Today I am faced with new decisions and none of the poor choices I have made this week need to affect those of today.

After work I have already scheduled in time to spend with the Lord One-on-one and tomorrow I'm going hiking with some friends. YAY!

I am not defined by my past or my poor decisions. I am defined by Christ. And Christ is not a slothful glutton.

I have all in God

Apparently, the Lord is really trying to drive home the point to me that I do have all in Him and that He is completely sufficient for everything I need.

Last night on Family Life Radio I was listening to a program called "Walk in the Word". The teacher was speaking on covetousness. I was really thankful because these "little sins" don't get touched on very often - and I need the lesson!

He was teaching out of Number 11. The Hebrews were complaining about only receiving manna to eat. They longed for food that they saw in Egypt. The teacher proposed some ideas of why covetousness is sin (I only heard the first two, then I got out of my car, but they are worthwhile anyhow!).

First, he said that covetousness (that is, the desire for something) become sin once we yield to it. He said that the more we focus on something, the more inevitable it is that we will yield to it.

It's not wrong to want to eat (God made my body to be fortified through food), but it becomes sin when I lust for it and indulge too much.

His second point was that covetousness in our lives shows that we believe that God is insufficient. He put it as, "We want God AND..." Yes, we want the Lord, but we also want a house on the lake, travel opportunities and, in my case, all the food I can eat without ever gaining a pound!

This gives me a lot to think about - every time I inordinately want something I pray that the Lord will take me back to the second point. I pray that I will realize that the Lord is more than sufficient.

I work at a Catholic hospital (one that actually still practices, not just nominal) and every morning the Mission Services department sends out an email to the entire staff with a prayer for the day. Honestly, it's usually pretty generic, but sometimes I really like it.

This morning they included a quote from Lady Julian of Norwich. She was a Medieval mystic in England who wrote a ton about God's love. This is her quote that was included:

God of Your goodness, give me Yourself, For You are sufficient for me…
If I were to ask anything less I should always be in want, for in you alone do I have all

The Lord is sufficient for me! I was so intrigued by this writing (many 14th-15th century writing focus on God's judgment and wrath so this is kind of nice!) that I looked her up on the Internet. The Wikipedia article on her is worthwhile to look at as are a couple of other sites. I'll include their links at the bottom.

Praise You, Lord, for being all good, all loving and all sufficient for me! I ask for the same things that Julian asked for:
(a) true contrition, (b) natural compassion and (c) unshakeable longing for God. To know you more, Lord, is all I could ask for!
Amen!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_of_Norwich
http://www.saintnicholas.contactbox.co.uk/archive/julian.htm
http://elvis.rowan.edu/%7Ekilroy/JEK/05/08.html

Confident of HIs Touch - TW Days 22 and 23

Our assignment for Thin Within last week was to complete the reading and exercises in days 22 and 23. The focus of these exercises is to work through 10 steps to Strengthen Your Belief System, taken from Charles Stanley.

I think these steps form a good process for any believer working on habitual sin. Some stood out for me more than others, but I appreciate the value of each one. I like the fact that it gets me to focus on scriptural Truth about God, me and our relationship. I'm just going to briefly highlight some of the things that most stood out to me.

Step 3 is to highlight Bible verses that deal with courage, confidence, faith and believing. I found one that really spoke to me. In John 16.33 Jesus is talking to His disciples during the Passover feast (the Last Supper). He says:
"These things I have spoken to you so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulations, but take courage, for I have overcome the world."

I love this for two points:
1) My peace is in Him. It's not in me, or meditation or lack of conflict. It's in Him.
2) "...I have overcome the world." In English, when we use this verb form (have overcome) it is a 'perfect verb', meaning that the activity is completed, in the past, with reference to the present. The Greek, however, has a different meaning for this form. Not only is it an activity done in the past, it's effect continues to occur even in the present. This is what makes it a 'perfect', or complete, verb. So, it's not just that Jesus at one time overcame the world, rather He continues to overcome it, in a sense.

[The same thing is true in Galatians 2.20. Some versions render "I am crucified with Christ" others have it as "I have been crucified with Christ". In the Greek sense of the verb, both are correct renderings. Paul was and is crucified with Christ because that action, although in the pat, continues having a present effect.]

Sorry if that was too much grammar ;)

Step 4 includes praying God's promises. I love that because it encourages me to pray Scripture. If I don't know what to pray I can always go to the Word.

I had a hard time with Step 5 (that may be because I chose not to form specific goals through this study. I had no sense of guiding from the Lord and I wanted to just focus on the teachings in the TW book rather than focus on completing a goal). However, from way back on Day 9 I had inspiration from a phrase at the top of page 89 "He holds your future and longs to give you His hope." Since then, I've focused on the fact that one day I will be totally free from gluttony (that may not be until I'm in heaven, but it is a Truth that I can bank on). So, at times when I'm tempted I guess I use this visualization step to say to myself, "The Yvonne of the future doesn't eat that way."

I liked Step 6. I was asked to think of 3 qualities that I would like to foment. I chose to be obedient, content and God-focused (as my friend, Melissa, says, to be "Cross-eyed"). I would love, for my own sake, to be these things, but I would also love for others to look at me and think, "wow, Yvonne is obedient, content and focused on the Lord". He has done more miraculous things in this world than that! ;)

Lastly, Step 7 reminded me of my husband. He is a huge promoter of "positive thinking". I feel like I've made huge strides in negative to positive thinking since my teen years, but I'm still far behind my husband. I appreciate the importance of learning from circumstances and I feel like I've learned more about his during the last couple of months with Thin Within.

To end I wanted to share a verse I read today. In my Sunday school class we are starting a study on the gospel of John. This is 1.16, speaking of Jesus:

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."

Amen!

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; sometimes I let her sleep"

I'm pretty sure that this post's title is exactly what my husband was saying to himself this morning.

Man, have I been grumpy lately! I wonder why. Is there something new going on? Or is it that I'm always grumpy, but I've only become aware of it lately because of what the Lord is teaching me? Or could it be that Satan is doing his best to get me off track? May it's all three (yikes!).

The good thing is that I'm very aware of it. This means that I don't react so quickly and I can make to choice to react or not. For example, this morning my husband pointed out a problem with the shirt I had on and I needed to change. I had a little tantrum ("Oh I hate this," I said) and I told him I was grumpy. His answer: "Apparently". :) Fast forward about 90 minutes. I got to work and my coworker asked me to research a surgical procedure. I then had three people standing over my shoulder as I was searching. In my head I kept thinking "Back off! Give me some room! If you know everything why are you asking ME for help! I'm not even awake yet. Where's my coffee? Go away!" Thankfully, I was able to keep it all INSIDE my head. :)

Praise You, God, that I'm not so quick to react as I once was. Give me your love for other people. Continue to teach me that it's not about me getting my way. Thank you for loving me through this process!

On other notes:

My husband got a contract job that will provide income for about 3 months. YAY! This will help immensely with his student loans. Praise God! He has always taken care of me/us. Even when it gets tight, He provides just enough.

It's been hard to reign in my eating this week. I've been choosing foods that are 'pleasers' but not 'whole body pleasers'. I need to be more prayerful about my choices.

I'm also finding that I need more exercise than I've been getting. My job has been so sedentary in the last couple of weeks that I crave exercise when I get off of work. On Wednesday we had dinner with a friend. Because I didn't exercise that day my back and my backside were sore and tired from sitting all day and evening.

When I started studying gluttony and loosing weight in January I decided that I would limit the amount of exercise that I was doing. About 3.5 years ago I lost a good 20 pounds by working out, but I did it excessively 10-15 hours per week. I don't want to be that person again. However, I think the 3-4 hours per week that I'm doing now isn't sufficient, especially given the fact that my job is more sedentary than before. I'm going to cautiously increase my exercise time, asking my husband to help rein me in. I'm so looking forward to October when I can get outside again. It's too hot now to go biking or jogging :(

My Deliverer

This morning on KLOVE they played Mandissa's song "My Deliverer". I really enjoy this song, especially the line saying "My Deliverer, who rescued me from all that held me captive."

What does "all" mean? Everything. Not nothing! Not even lacking anything. ¡Todo!

It made me think of two things.

1. What else am I still in bondage to? What else needs to be dealt with so I can say that He has, in fact, rescued me from EVERYTHING?
2. What does the Bible say about the Lord being my deliverer?

Let's see!

I know one thing that hinders me is my lack of love for others. I am also hindered by my sense of self-entitlement, that I deserve things and that I should always get my way. I am hindered by fear of feelings - I'd rather be entertained and jovial than deal with real life or emotions. I tend to see in Bible study how things can apply really well to to others (that is, "Hey, if so-and-so knew this, she'd really be better off.") rather than taking it to heart and seeing how the Lord wants to use it to change ME.

Please, Lord, deliver me from this flesh! In the meantime, help me to focus on You so that You can work in me as You deem necessary.

Now to the verses:

2 Samuel 22:2 He said: "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;"

Both Psalm 40:17 and 70:5 essentially say the same thing: "Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay."

Nehemiah 9:27 So you handed them over to their enemies, who oppressed them. But when they were oppressed they cried out to you. From heaven you heard them, and in your great compassion you gave them deliverers, who rescued them from the hand of their enemies.

I especially like this last one because I feel that this is how the Lord has dealt with me, as well. I wanted what I wanted and He let me have it. Then, when I realized that it caused me difficulty, He compassionately provided deliverance for me. That is one amazing and awesome God!

Enjoy the blessing

Have I mentioned that I'm loving the Beth Moore series "Stepping Up"? The Lord has me in the perfect place so I can grasp this and let it change me. It's an interesting 'journey'...

In week 4 day 2 of this study the focus is on blessing and I particularly enjoy some of these quotes:

"The Hebrew word asher... encompasses both, suggesting both a condition (blessed) and a human reaction (happy)" p. 99

"Biblically, one is pronounced blessed when God is present and involved in his life." p. 99 quoted from Zodhaites, 1996

So, it's not just a case of getting what I want, making God into a spiritual vending machine!

"Blessedness describes the condition of a person who reveres God, steeps her life in Him and follows His ways. She doesn't just look to God in spiritual or religious matters. she looks to Him in every matter. He's not just the most important part of her life. He is her life. The result of this divine invasion is that the life operates overall at optimum earth-satisfaction, joy and purpose without the crushing burdens of self-glory and sin. In other words, her life actually works."

Amazing! I have lived in so much dysfunction at times that reading this amazes me! When my life "works", even though it's difficult, I know that it is a direct result of God's presence in my life.

I work in a place where people hope for blessings and miracles everyday. But what does it look like? Is the blessing in recovery or in going home without he Lord? I like some of her quotes defining blessing:

"...walking in God's ways is its own blessing." p. 100

"Sometimes the blessing resides in what we avoided, not just in what we gain." p. 100

Lord, You are my blessing. More than good health, more than financial stability, loving family, success in weight loss or fulfilling all of my dreams. It is You! You are already present in the hard times to come and in the fun times. Let my focus be continually on You and not on the circumstances.



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On a side note:

There are a lot of what I consider to be "fluffy" terms in the English language, particularly in women's ministry. The Lord is slowly teaching me (or, actually, I'm slowly learning) to love and accept whatever terminology people use in their walk with Him (like the term 'journey'). I know some of what bugs me is due to the fact that I'm a linguist/translator/interpreter and words are my life (well, the Word is my life, you get it). I constantly analyze what people say, how they say it, what they mean by it and whether I could find a good translation for it. Terms like 'journey' are so hard! They don't just mean a trip, voyage, vacation, etc. They imply so much more emotionally that's hard to explain. So, sometimes I gloss over things if I think they are too fluffy, or don't appear to have much meaning. I used to be like that with 'journey', but I now embrace it as an all-encompassing word to express a purposeful movement away from one thing and toward another.

Forgive my ranting...

TW Day 21

I'm not sure why, but I'm having difficulty "getting" and retaining Day 21 from the Thin Within book. I have to go back to it over and over in order to remember what's there.

Lord, if there is anything that is hindering me from grasping and understanding this lesson, please remove it. If it is because of my sin or stubbornness, please reveal it to me. If it is Satan trying to keep me from You, please remove him.

I think I'll camp out on Day 21 until I "get it".

On the other had, I've been made aware of other triggers that send me to food. I was so excited after doing the forgiveness activity, thinking that it would be a major key to my freedom from food. The Lord showed me last night that I have the same attitude towards other things. To explain, I found in the Day 20 exercise that most of my anger and frustration towards others(that I numb with food) is due to my own desires going unmet by these individuals. Last night I learned that the same is true for inanimate objects and circumstances.

Yesterday was a fine, average day at work. It was pretty toasty when I left (the high was 114) which make me a little grumpy. I stopped at McD's and had a light dinner because I knew that after Bible study I was going home to some yummy cookies and I wanted to be hungry for them. Bible study was fine (well, the Lord continues to show me that I don't have love for other women like He does, but that's an on-going issue). And then, I got into my car to come home.

My car is little-by-little falling apart. Nothing bad or scary happened on the drive home, but I began thinking about the various car problems, the traffic, highway construction, etc. and by the time I arrived home I was a ball of tension. I went right to the freezer where these cookies are and scarfed down two without breathing. I then ate two pieces of cheese and a large bowl of cereal, which I was not hungry for. By this time maybe 10 minutes had passed, my head cleared and I had some sanity restore to me. I said to my husband. "I think something's stressing me out because all I want to do is eat." He promptly took my bowl away and asked me about my day (sigh... he's great). Yet again, I figured that I was mad because I wasn't getting my way (in this case, having a trouble-free car).

It really helps me to say it out loud to someone (once I realize it). Yes, I went to food for comfort, but I am now more quickly able to realize it and stop it. Thank You Lord that the amount of damage that I do to myself is less than before! Thank You that You are showing me a way out of this bondage!

Stepping Up homework week four

Wow! Amazing! I almost can't believe it!

I know that the Lord is really trying to teach me something when it comes at me from all sides! This is a precious time in my life with the Lord. Even though my outside circumstances don't seem like anything special, I will always fondly remember the Summer of 2009 as a special time in my walk with God because He is teaching me some awesome things!

A few years ago, when I was just getting to know the man who would become my husband, I was given the opportunity to edit the Spanish version of a marriage ministry book called "Fortified Marriages". The authors knew I was single and the wife at one time said to me, "Maybe reading through all of this is preparation for you." That made me nervous :) but she was right. The Lord gave me that material at that moment to prepare me for the next huge step in my life.

A few months ago I had a patient in my hospital who knew Jesus. He had been frustrated and depressed by his circumstances, but then the Lord showed him what a great opportunity this was to rest and study the Word (what else are you going to do in a hospital bed for a month?). This man's sorrow was turned to gladness and he chose to make the best of every moment he had to be prepared for whatever the next step might be.

This is how I feel now. I don't know what the next step is for me, but I can tell this is a time of teaching, renewal and preparation from the Lord. He is really drilling into me topics like freedom in Christ, obedience, submission, joy, forgiveness, prayer and being satisfied in Him. These are all topics I've touched on before in my walk, but God is really emphasizing them now. I'm excited! What will He do next? If nothing else He is freeing me from gluttony, self-centeredness and unforgiveness. Hallelujah!

Last night I was finishing up my homework for Bible study tonight. I am so enjoying the "Stepping Up" series by Beth Moore. I know the Lord is taking me on an awesome journey this summer! Even though she doesn't write specifically about "forgiveness" her lesson on Week 4, Day 4 goes right along with Thin Within's Day 20. I wanted to quote some of what she says:

"Freedom never comes through disobedience." p. 106
I can be free from gluttony and unforgiveness/bitterness only as I submit to the Lord.

"Anything we've continued to battle from our youth is habitual enough to require Christ's healing work. Only He can clarify our clouded belief systems. Otherwise the cycle will never break." p. 108

Only by soaking in Christ's presence will I be able to be freed-up from everything I've carried since childhood/adolescence.

On page 109 Beth shares Isaiah 51:22, that the Sovereign Lord defends His people. She indicates that He defends us even when our oppression is self-inflicted by our own acts of idolatry, unbelief and rebellion.

Beth says on p. 110:
"Comprehending God's loyalty to us and consciously leaving all vindication to Him is crucial if you and I don't want to inadvertently go from being oppressed to being an oppressor. If we don't allow God to heal our hearts, minds, and habits, we will either continue to allow people to walk all over us or we'll be come people who walk all over them."

I found, from doing the TW Day 20 forgiveness exercises, that most of my anger and bitterness was self-inflicted and that my hurt turned to hate, making me the oppressor. How sad! But praise God for showing me that so I'll choose not to do it anymore!

I have got to turn to the Lord and let Him deal with all of this so that I can be a more effective tool for His kingdom. I am so thankful for these messages and for the fact that God has softened my heart to them. I know this is not the first time I've heard all of this, but it's like a breath of fresh air!

The forgiveness activity - TW day 20

Last night I spent a good hour working on the forgiveness activity from Day 20. Wow! It was rough, but I'm thankful for it because I saw something incredible and new.

I had 6 people/groups that I chose to write about in the activity. The include family, people from my youth and people I lost friendships with and people that I am friends with now. I wrote about each on a separate page. My plan is to work through this, even if I have to continue writing about it for some time to come, and when I am done I will burn the pages. I began each entry in a similar fashion to the example given in the Thin Within book. I then proceeded to list, in general terms, the hurts and grievances that I have been holding onto. I also made sure to really look at the grievance and not just blow it off or excuse it (that's what I've been doing for years and has gotten me nowhere).

Then I made an amazing discovery.

I found that the vast majority of my grievances all stemmed from the same injury: these people weren't living up to MY standards! I was holding things against them that I unnecessarily expected of them! One example is a guy that I used to be friends with and had a huge crush on. The Lord had clearly told me not to pursue him. When it finally became obvious to me that he was not romantically interested in me, in my feelings I turned on him and I lost his friendship (which had been very dear to me). I had certain standards for him (ungodly personal Yvonne expectations) that he didn't live up to. So I've been angry for years because he couldn't read my mind.

WOW! Amazing! Most of my anger and bitterness has been SELF-INFLICTED. I need to spend time in the Word to get to know the Lord so that I know what His will is. That way, I can line up my will with His, have godly parameters, make biblically sound judgments and have no reason to hold my grievances against others.

I'm not sure if any of this is making sense (my husband it talking at me in the background), but THIS IS HUGE for me. There are some things that I finally feel freed up about, things that I have been holding onto for half of my life.

Praise the Lord! He sets captives free!

TW Day 20

I don't have too much planned for the weekend, so I'm hoping to sit down with a pen and some paper and really work through the forgiveness exercises from Thin Within Day 20 (and 19).

There's a lot of 'stuff' that I've left behind without dealing with it. Recently I've had a lot of present-time frustration and lack of forgiveness. Won't I be able to minister better if I "cast off that which hinders me" (Hebrews 12.1)? How many times have I read this verse never considering that my own lack of forgiveness was hindering me!

Lord, please do a new thing in me by helping me to release the burden of unforgiveness. I want to have the same kind of love for people that You have. Fill me with Your love so I can minister to others! Free me from my self-imposed bondage so I can serve You!


***I just found a great Russian proverb/saying that roughly translates to:

Fasting doesn't kill, but gluttony does.

Frustration, Food and Forgiveness

I have been feeling anxious and frustrated for several days now. I know that the root of it all is that I'm not getting my way and I am holding my desires in a death grip. Yesterday, I broke down in tears because our house needs yet another set of repairs. Money has been getting tighter and tighter and this was this straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

I have been needing to go to God minute-by-minute to maintain any sense of peace. My gut instinct is to distract myself by watching TV, going to the gym, reading a book or something else. Additionally, I have been having cravings for food that I don't eat or rarely eat anymore. Last night all I wanted was mac and cheese and french fries (not together). This morning, in a saner state of mind, they both sound incredibly unappealing, but they were all I could think about yesterday. I told my husband and he directed me towards a salad, which I ate. It was good. It gave me the nourishment I needed without the emotional Band-Aid.

I was amazed by Heidi's blog this morning (http://godisdoinganewthing.blogspot.com/2009/07/chapter-20-i-realized-there-were.html) as my recent frustrations seem to line up with hers. I haven't read Day 20 yet - that is my plan for tonight. I know I still have a lot of baggage (I accidentally originally wrote 'naggage' - Freudian slip? hehehe) to deal with.

Man, aren't I tired by now of dragging around the same old stuff from year to year, from situation to situation. How wonderful it will be to be freed up from this emotional baggage!

I'm trying to make the conscious decision to go to God in thanks each time I get anxious and I try to get a realistic perspective on things. Also, I'm really digging the book 'The Satisfied Heart". I am convinced that the Lord is allowing these things to happen now so that I can learn and grow from it as I am helpful guided by "The Satisfied Heart" and "Thin Within". God doesn't torture me for kicks, He has a righteous plan that glorifies Himself every step of the way.

The Satisfied Heart

Throughout the last several months, ans now even more doing the Thin Within study, I am seeing more and more the need to make God my all - my Provider, my satisfaction and my love. He is showing me more deeply and in more tangible ways the things that I cling to for security and love and that I need to know Him and reach for Him instead.

Several months ago I was recommended the book "The Satisfied Heart" by Ruth Myers (she also wrote 31 Days of Praise). It is written as a 31-day devotional, with an extensive introduction, on experiencing God's love. I've read through the first four days. In some ways it seems quite simple and in other ways it is so profound that I can't quite wrap my head around it.

I am encouraged by it, though, to know God in a new way and to look to Him for my satisfaction - not even to look to His blessings, but to look to His Person. The author has walked with the Lord closely for so many years and it would be easy for me to get discouraged y thinking "I can't do this, it's too much". But just as the TW steps can be daunting at first, they can also be practiced with the Lord's help. I just have to know that the Lord is pleased any time that I turn to Him, even if it's only momentarily. I'm sure that, as I continue to practice, it will become easier and more delightful!

On page 19 she shares a note of encouragement that she received after losing her first husband. It said, "May you find in the Lord Jesus Christ your Boaz." God lead her to the book of Ruth where, after also becoming widowed, she was rescued, in a sense, by Boaz who cared for all of her needs. The truth is, whether we have husbands or not, the Lord Jesus must be the one who satisfies all of our needs. I love my husband. He's awesome (a little nerdy, but awesome nonetheless)! But what a relief that my husband doesn't have to satisfy all of my needs. He's nowhere capable of doing that. And I'm sure it's a relief to him as well!

In the day 4 section, Ruth writes about how she felt overwhelmed by the verse commanding us to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. I thought, "Amen to that! How do you do it?" Ruth later found love from God in this verse. How amazing that He would esteem us so much that He would want US to love Him! I could command my husband to love me ( he, of course, would roll his eyes at me) and that would make sense in the fact that I love my husband and I want him to love me. It would be odd for me to approach a stranger on the street and say, "Love me! Love me!" I can only give and expect love from someone that I am in relation with. God cares enough for all of us that He desires love from us.

That's some pretty amazing news!

I am so enjoying this book and I pray that I'll learn more about being relational with God through it.

Stepping Up - Session 3

I am so enjoying the Stepping Up series by Beth Moore. I have had many moments in the past where I was not her biggest fan - I'm not as feelings-gooshy and family-oriented as she is and, because of that, I've often had a hard time relating to what she says. But I do love deep Bible study with her.

In Session 3 of the Stepping Up series Beth talks about Psalm 127 and how God surrounds His people. She also talked a good deal about another annual pilgrimage feast (the Psalms of Ascent that we are studying in this series were routinely said as pilgrims made their way up to Jerusalem) - the Feast of Weeks, also known as Pentecost.

This particular feast was a time for the Israelites to remember their former bondage (i.e. slavery in Egypt, captivity in Babylon). Beth talked about the importance of remembering our past and remembering our bondage. It was all so good that I was madly writing in my margins and barely got it all!

Beth talked about habitual sin. Hers in the past was different than mine, but gluttony has the exact same effect. She talked about how you get to a desperate state of sin-repent-sin and you hope that you'll be freed-up from your binding sin just because you want that freedom bad enough. It never works that way. What does work, she says, is the Word of God. "You can't help but be healed when you're in the Word."

She says (and I paraphrase) "Don't ever think that your struggle is the one that God's Word can't break. If you take Him at His Word He can liberate you."

Once you/me/we are liberated, she indicates, once we experience His immeasurable grace in our lives, then He can use that bondage, that sin, that memory for His glory. Amen! That's amazing! And I know it's true - I've seen it happen. If you've been liberated from depression, you can minister to those in it. If you've been delivered from gambling, you can help show others the way out. My hope and prayer is that someday in the future I will be able to help others by showing them Christ so they can be freed from gluttony, too.

"Lord, never let me forget this experience," Beth says. As painful as the memories may be, they are all linked to God's amazing and abundant grace.

Beth also mentioned that the Feast of weeks was also a time of generosity - of generous grace and generous giving. I want to be generous and graceful to others, but my critical judgements in my mind have shown me that I don't extend much grace to others.

Beth went on to say (again, paraphrase), "If you are a graceful person you remember your bondage. To the degree that I understand and experience grace, I will be graceful to others."

Maybe I don't understand the amazingness of His grace. Maybe I'm not very thankful. Oh, I want to be that person!

There's so much more that she said that stuck with me, but one thing in particular gives me hope:

"He knows this turns out good. You might as well go with it."

Praise God! He knows my future and He knows it is good. I might as well start moving in that direction. Why fight it? Why fight Him?

Make the most of it!

I'm at work at the hospital and it's about 3:30 in the morning on a Sunday. I just got finished interpreting for a neurosurgeon who told a family that their 19-year-old son is brain dead. Sometimes I hate my job.

I just got back to my office where I have KLOVE on and it started playing "How could I ask for more" by Cindy Morgan. I thought I was ok, but the lyrics to the song made me cry.

It's not what you do, it's how you live.

I want to live sincerely "no guilt in life, no fear of death" - the power of Christ living in me. I want to live full of gratitude, not bitterly holding on to old angers. I want to move on, get freed-up, leave gluttony behind and walk hand-in-hand with the Lover of my soul.

Live well! You don't know how much time you have.

TW days 17 and 18

I really enjoy the focuses of days 17 and 18 in the TW book. Day 17 and Gratitude are just what I need and Day 18 and Boundaries are a wonderful help!

David, my husband, graduated from his mater's program in May and hasn't had a job offer yet. We're doing ok - if it weren't for his student loans we could live completely on my income, albeit tightly. We finally had some rain here this week which let us find out that we've got a pretty substantial leak in our roof :( The repair will be a big chunk of change.

When I learned this I really started to get anxious and I went into my "no-money" plan mode. Money was really tight for me after I finished my BA and God taught me how to live on almost nothing while still paying back student loans. It can be done (sí se puede!). This time around, though, I have to teach my husband. He's a pretty frugal guy, but not quite the penny-pincher I've been.

All that to say that God gave me the Gratitude section to read that very night. It was like He was saying, "Helloooo! Do you see all that you have, all that I've provided for? Come to me and I'll give you MY plan for your best." It was calming and humbling all at the same time!

I have, however, implemented, effective immediately, some changes to the household :) We live in an HOA that doesn't like clothes lines. We live in Arizona fro crying out loud! It's been 115 in the past days. If I hang clothes out they will be dry in 20 minutes (no kidding, I used to do it at my old house). My husband wants us to behave (I'm rolling my eyes a little) so, we have a line INSIDE the house. They take longer to try, but we're not using the dryer. :)

Secondly, I always really appreciate lessons on godly boundaries. Growing up I pushed some boundaries and maintained others and I know that, in general, our flesh doesn't like to have limits enforced, but they are good and healthy. For example, we like physical boundaries. In the neonatal ICU at my hospital, the nurses and therapists create boundaries for the babies (usually something along the line of rolled up blankets to form a nest around the baby). We were so used to the confines of our mother's womb that suddenly being outside of it is scary - especially for premies who aren't ready yet. For the same reason full-term babies get tightly swaddled. It's comforting.

In my one experience scuba diving I was staying at a dive instruction school off the coast of Honduras. When we went out on dives, they would take us to beautiful coral reefs that sloped down the embankment of the island. To one side, the reef, to the other, the wide, deep blue ocean. This was the one time in life that I was agoraphobic. It's so immense and unending. I didn't want to drift away from the relative safety of the reef into the unknown. I thought at that very moment, "Thank You, Lord for boundaries! Now I see a tangible reason why You made them! Even when I think things are ok, I don't know about everything that could happen, so You give me boundaries for my protection."

I also know now that the Lord gives boundaries just as discipline to show us the importance of following him. My buddy the other night was talking about Marine boot camp. A group of recruits had to tread water without touching their faces. After a few minutes one guy did. The drill sergeant singles him out and made him tread longer while the others watched. I asked why they couldn't touch their faces. My buddy said it's to break their will so they learn to do nothing apart from what their commanding officer orders.

Fortunately, our heavenly Drill Sergeant loves us and caringly teaches us. God has never told me, "Drop and give me 50!" but He has, at times, showed me very clearly His boundaries for my life. Sometimes I've been obedient, sometimes I've learned the very, very hard way.

These two lessons are amazing and so useful for me! I'm so very thankful that the TW book/program isn't about just not eating for the glory of God, but that it gives me very tangible, real and helpful tools to change my relationship with Him. I'll have to write the TW organization to thank them. :)