I'm not sure why, but I'm having difficulty "getting" and retaining Day 21 from the Thin Within book. I have to go back to it over and over in order to remember what's there.
Lord, if there is anything that is hindering me from grasping and understanding this lesson, please remove it. If it is because of my sin or stubbornness, please reveal it to me. If it is Satan trying to keep me from You, please remove him.
I think I'll camp out on Day 21 until I "get it".
On the other had, I've been made aware of other triggers that send me to food. I was so excited after doing the forgiveness activity, thinking that it would be a major key to my freedom from food. The Lord showed me last night that I have the same attitude towards other things. To explain, I found in the Day 20 exercise that most of my anger and frustration towards others(that I numb with food) is due to my own desires going unmet by these individuals. Last night I learned that the same is true for inanimate objects and circumstances.
Yesterday was a fine, average day at work. It was pretty toasty when I left (the high was 114) which make me a little grumpy. I stopped at McD's and had a light dinner because I knew that after Bible study I was going home to some yummy cookies and I wanted to be hungry for them. Bible study was fine (well, the Lord continues to show me that I don't have love for other women like He does, but that's an on-going issue). And then, I got into my car to come home.
My car is little-by-little falling apart. Nothing bad or scary happened on the drive home, but I began thinking about the various car problems, the traffic, highway construction, etc. and by the time I arrived home I was a ball of tension. I went right to the freezer where these cookies are and scarfed down two without breathing. I then ate two pieces of cheese and a large bowl of cereal, which I was not hungry for. By this time maybe 10 minutes had passed, my head cleared and I had some sanity restore to me. I said to my husband. "I think something's stressing me out because all I want to do is eat." He promptly took my bowl away and asked me about my day (sigh... he's great). Yet again, I figured that I was mad because I wasn't getting my way (in this case, having a trouble-free car).
It really helps me to say it out loud to someone (once I realize it). Yes, I went to food for comfort, but I am now more quickly able to realize it and stop it. Thank You Lord that the amount of damage that I do to myself is less than before! Thank You that You are showing me a way out of this bondage!
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