I started the Thin Within workbook #1 today. For all of my desire to do well, be obedient and follow the guidelines I just really feel entitled to eat three times a day.
Today after church we went to a luncheon given by a friend who returned from work in Afghanistan. I always love hearing from her and hearing about the things that God is doing in Central Asia. Pray for "James" if you get a chance. He's a local believer.
Our friend brought in Afghan food- yummy! Now, 8 hours later I'm not hungry, but I want to be. Also, I had a stress-provoking call about a family issue. I told my husband afterward that all I wanted to do was eat.
Lord, help me to be obedient to You and to my body.
30 August 2009
28 August 2009
Day 30 of Thin Within
Today I did the last reading in the Thin within book.
I'm so thankful that I was directed to this God-focused, grace-oriented look at gluttony, body image and food idolatry.
Starting Sunday I am going to begin going through Workbook #1 of the Thin within series. Even though going through the 30-day book over 3 months was a nice pace, I think it will be good to do the daily Bible study that the workbook offers. It looks like I might even have someone to go through it with me live!
I'm going to step on the scale on Sunday - I haven't for a little while now - and we'll see if there are any physical changes after this summer's study :)
I'm so thankful that I was directed to this God-focused, grace-oriented look at gluttony, body image and food idolatry.
Starting Sunday I am going to begin going through Workbook #1 of the Thin within series. Even though going through the 30-day book over 3 months was a nice pace, I think it will be good to do the daily Bible study that the workbook offers. It looks like I might even have someone to go through it with me live!
I'm going to step on the scale on Sunday - I haven't for a little while now - and we'll see if there are any physical changes after this summer's study :)
25 August 2009
Jesus is my enabler
I hope this doesn't look disrepectful!
Last night on my way home I heard a snipit of a message from Charles Stanley (I think). He spoke on Philipians 4.13 and described it as Paul's way of saying that everything he does is empowered or enabled by God.
I think it would be cool to have a t-shirt that says "Jesus is my enabler" on the front and "Philippians 4.13" on the back!
The truth is, He is the only One who enables or empowers me to do anything good or for His glory.
He's the One who will enable me to walk away from food idolatry. I
am really fed up with it (no pun intended, but enjoyed)! I just want to be done already. I wish I could put it down and walk away. I feel like in Jesus I should be able to just lay it down. Can I? Will I sabotage myself? Or can I really just walk away from it?
Enable me, Jesus, to chose you!
Last night on my way home I heard a snipit of a message from Charles Stanley (I think). He spoke on Philipians 4.13 and described it as Paul's way of saying that everything he does is empowered or enabled by God.
I think it would be cool to have a t-shirt that says "Jesus is my enabler" on the front and "Philippians 4.13" on the back!
The truth is, He is the only One who enables or empowers me to do anything good or for His glory.
He's the One who will enable me to walk away from food idolatry. I
am really fed up with it (no pun intended, but enjoyed)! I just want to be done already. I wish I could put it down and walk away. I feel like in Jesus I should be able to just lay it down. Can I? Will I sabotage myself? Or can I really just walk away from it?
Enable me, Jesus, to chose you!
24 August 2009
GOODSTUFF # 606 WORTH
The following is from a weekly email that my Sunday School teacher, Bert Harned, puts out. You can see a number of his musings at his website: http://www.bertsgoodstuff.com/. I hope this speaks to you as it did to me.
The worth of something to you is revealed by how much you are willing to pay for it.
That means that God’s love for us is enormous beyond our ability to understand!
When I think of Who it is that loves me, it is overwhelming!
When I think of Who it is that loves me, it is overwhelming!
Ruth Myers book THE SATISFIED HEART is about the incredible love God has for us. It has greatly helped me to understand God’s love.
Several years ago I took time to seriously think about His love for me and wrote down a list of words that helped me get a handle on what Jesus was willing to pay
He was lifted up (on the cross); marred; despised; forsaken; stricken; smitten; afflicted; pierced; crushed; chastened; scourged; oppressed; cut off; put to grief; anguished; poured out...........
For the love which Christ has [for me] Presses on me from all sides, Holding me to one end Prohibiting me from considering any other, Wrapping itself around me in tenderness
(Wuest 2 Cor 5.14)
"YOU ARE PRECIOUS TO ME, & I LOVE YOU" Isa 43.4
"I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE." Jer 31.3
"HE CARES FOR YOU." 1 Peter 5.7
"THY LOVINGKINDNESS IS BETTER THAN LIFE.." Psalms 63.3
"BEHOLD..I HAVE INSCRIBED YOU ON THE PALMS OF MY HANDS." Isa 49.16
Spend some time on it!
bh August 22, 2009
23 August 2009
submission and obedience
James 4:7 "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."
Apparently the Lord wants me to learn obedience and submission. Over the last few years God has taught me that these two words aren't bad. They are godly and describe a person who is in communion with the Lord.
For a long time I've known that I don't love others the way God does. I really appreciated the Forgiveness exercise from the Thin Within book, because it helped to teach me to do a godly, commanded exercise that I didn't "feel" like doing. I can chose to do the things God commands me to, or leads me to, because I want to be obedient and submissive to him.
One of the beautiful things that has come out of learning about Islam is that the name of their very belief system means "submission". Of course, I wish they knew the hope of grace in Christ Jesus that empowers believers to live a godly life, but I also wish that we, as believers in Christ, focused more on the freedom that comes through submission.
The teaching pastors at my church have been going through a series about prayer. Today the focus was on answered prayer. One of my main prayers right now is freedom from gluttony and food/body idolatry. The Lord has been so good to me over these last several months, yet in my refusal to submit to Him at times, I have foiled my own hope of freedom.
Our pastor posed the question, "Are you trying to answer your own prayer?"
Am I praying to God, saying that I am expectant of Him, but doing the best to try to solve it myself? Am I feigning submission?
Lord, help me to be submissive to you. Only then will I be able to resist my flesh, the word, and the lies of Satan. It is very possible that I will always have inappropriate desires for food, but I pray that in Your strength, I will be able to choose You instead. Lord, truly, my desire is to be so liberated from food that i don't think about it nor am I interested in it unless I'm hungry. I don't know if that is what you'll have for me, but I know that You have done greater things than this. Amen.
Apparently the Lord wants me to learn obedience and submission. Over the last few years God has taught me that these two words aren't bad. They are godly and describe a person who is in communion with the Lord.
For a long time I've known that I don't love others the way God does. I really appreciated the Forgiveness exercise from the Thin Within book, because it helped to teach me to do a godly, commanded exercise that I didn't "feel" like doing. I can chose to do the things God commands me to, or leads me to, because I want to be obedient and submissive to him.
One of the beautiful things that has come out of learning about Islam is that the name of their very belief system means "submission". Of course, I wish they knew the hope of grace in Christ Jesus that empowers believers to live a godly life, but I also wish that we, as believers in Christ, focused more on the freedom that comes through submission.
The teaching pastors at my church have been going through a series about prayer. Today the focus was on answered prayer. One of my main prayers right now is freedom from gluttony and food/body idolatry. The Lord has been so good to me over these last several months, yet in my refusal to submit to Him at times, I have foiled my own hope of freedom.
Our pastor posed the question, "Are you trying to answer your own prayer?"
Am I praying to God, saying that I am expectant of Him, but doing the best to try to solve it myself? Am I feigning submission?
Lord, help me to be submissive to you. Only then will I be able to resist my flesh, the word, and the lies of Satan. It is very possible that I will always have inappropriate desires for food, but I pray that in Your strength, I will be able to choose You instead. Lord, truly, my desire is to be so liberated from food that i don't think about it nor am I interested in it unless I'm hungry. I don't know if that is what you'll have for me, but I know that You have done greater things than this. Amen.
20 August 2009
YAY!
I had the best day yesterday!
I took the train (light rail) to work and surprisingly sat next to an old roommate, who I see much less often than I would like. Then, I was busy at work. It was delightful :) I want to work when I'm at work, not try to find something to do. Then, I had some time after work so I went to one of my favorite coffee shops, got some tea and did some Bible study homework. To top that off I got to have dinner at one of my favorite places with one of my favorite people...sigh, it was lovely.
I've decided to go through the Thin Within workbook #1 once we finish the book in a couple of weeks. I got it in the mail last week. It's pretty intense - 12 weeks of daily Bible study. It will be good for me. They also include space for daily charting. Honestly, I haven't really been using the charts much in the Thin Within book. At first, I was scared that I would become legalistic about it so I never started. I think, now, they are tools that I will be able to use, but I'm going to be very observant of how I relate to them. They are just tools, like food is just energy; they are not gods.
Ramadan starts on Saturday the 22nd. It is a time of month-long fasting in the Muslim world as they seek to know God more. My prayer is for them to know Jesus, not as prophet, but as savior and Lord. There is an organization that produces a prayer booklet for Christians to use in praying for Muslims during the month of Ramadan. You can check them out here: http://www.30-days.net/
Thank you, Jesus, for providing exactly what I need - and abundantly!
I took the train (light rail) to work and surprisingly sat next to an old roommate, who I see much less often than I would like. Then, I was busy at work. It was delightful :) I want to work when I'm at work, not try to find something to do. Then, I had some time after work so I went to one of my favorite coffee shops, got some tea and did some Bible study homework. To top that off I got to have dinner at one of my favorite places with one of my favorite people...sigh, it was lovely.
I've decided to go through the Thin Within workbook #1 once we finish the book in a couple of weeks. I got it in the mail last week. It's pretty intense - 12 weeks of daily Bible study. It will be good for me. They also include space for daily charting. Honestly, I haven't really been using the charts much in the Thin Within book. At first, I was scared that I would become legalistic about it so I never started. I think, now, they are tools that I will be able to use, but I'm going to be very observant of how I relate to them. They are just tools, like food is just energy; they are not gods.
Ramadan starts on Saturday the 22nd. It is a time of month-long fasting in the Muslim world as they seek to know God more. My prayer is for them to know Jesus, not as prophet, but as savior and Lord. There is an organization that produces a prayer booklet for Christians to use in praying for Muslims during the month of Ramadan. You can check them out here: http://www.30-days.net/
Thank you, Jesus, for providing exactly what I need - and abundantly!
14 August 2009
Focus on the Lord
This week has been pretty "bleh".
My eating has been kind of out of whack and I haven't done any exercise at all. My legs are anxious to move! I usually get some exercise in on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, but for one reason or another it didn't happen this week.
I've also really been struggling to keep in the Word and in prayer. I know that's a huge reason why my eating has been unbalanced. I have not invited God to any of my meals this week.
I've had a grumpy, bad attitude.
Today is a new day. Today I am faced with new decisions and none of the poor choices I have made this week need to affect those of today.
After work I have already scheduled in time to spend with the Lord One-on-one and tomorrow I'm going hiking with some friends. YAY!
I am not defined by my past or my poor decisions. I am defined by Christ. And Christ is not a slothful glutton.
My eating has been kind of out of whack and I haven't done any exercise at all. My legs are anxious to move! I usually get some exercise in on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, but for one reason or another it didn't happen this week.
I've also really been struggling to keep in the Word and in prayer. I know that's a huge reason why my eating has been unbalanced. I have not invited God to any of my meals this week.
I've had a grumpy, bad attitude.
Today is a new day. Today I am faced with new decisions and none of the poor choices I have made this week need to affect those of today.
After work I have already scheduled in time to spend with the Lord One-on-one and tomorrow I'm going hiking with some friends. YAY!
I am not defined by my past or my poor decisions. I am defined by Christ. And Christ is not a slothful glutton.
11 August 2009
I have all in God
Apparently, the Lord is really trying to drive home the point to me that I do have all in Him and that He is completely sufficient for everything I need.
Last night on Family Life Radio I was listening to a program called "Walk in the Word". The teacher was speaking on covetousness. I was really thankful because these "little sins" don't get touched on very often - and I need the lesson!
He was teaching out of Number 11. The Hebrews were complaining about only receiving manna to eat. They longed for food that they saw in Egypt. The teacher proposed some ideas of why covetousness is sin (I only heard the first two, then I got out of my car, but they are worthwhile anyhow!).
First, he said that covetousness (that is, the desire for something) become sin once we yield to it. He said that the more we focus on something, the more inevitable it is that we will yield to it.
It's not wrong to want to eat (God made my body to be fortified through food), but it becomes sin when I lust for it and indulge too much.
His second point was that covetousness in our lives shows that we believe that God is insufficient. He put it as, "We want God AND..." Yes, we want the Lord, but we also want a house on the lake, travel opportunities and, in my case, all the food I can eat without ever gaining a pound!
This gives me a lot to think about - every time I inordinately want something I pray that the Lord will take me back to the second point. I pray that I will realize that the Lord is more than sufficient.
I work at a Catholic hospital (one that actually still practices, not just nominal) and every morning the Mission Services department sends out an email to the entire staff with a prayer for the day. Honestly, it's usually pretty generic, but sometimes I really like it.
This morning they included a quote from Lady Julian of Norwich. She was a Medieval mystic in England who wrote a ton about God's love. This is her quote that was included:
The Lord is sufficient for me! I was so intrigued by this writing (many 14th-15th century writing focus on God's judgment and wrath so this is kind of nice!) that I looked her up on the Internet. The Wikipedia article on her is worthwhile to look at as are a couple of other sites. I'll include their links at the bottom.
Praise You, Lord, for being all good, all loving and all sufficient for me! I ask for the same things that Julian asked for:
(a) true contrition, (b) natural compassion and (c) unshakeable longing for God. To know you more, Lord, is all I could ask for!
Amen!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_of_Norwich
http://www.saintnicholas.contactbox.co.uk/archive/julian.htm
http://elvis.rowan.edu/%7Ekilroy/JEK/05/08.html
Last night on Family Life Radio I was listening to a program called "Walk in the Word". The teacher was speaking on covetousness. I was really thankful because these "little sins" don't get touched on very often - and I need the lesson!
He was teaching out of Number 11. The Hebrews were complaining about only receiving manna to eat. They longed for food that they saw in Egypt. The teacher proposed some ideas of why covetousness is sin (I only heard the first two, then I got out of my car, but they are worthwhile anyhow!).
First, he said that covetousness (that is, the desire for something) become sin once we yield to it. He said that the more we focus on something, the more inevitable it is that we will yield to it.
It's not wrong to want to eat (God made my body to be fortified through food), but it becomes sin when I lust for it and indulge too much.
His second point was that covetousness in our lives shows that we believe that God is insufficient. He put it as, "We want God AND..." Yes, we want the Lord, but we also want a house on the lake, travel opportunities and, in my case, all the food I can eat without ever gaining a pound!
This gives me a lot to think about - every time I inordinately want something I pray that the Lord will take me back to the second point. I pray that I will realize that the Lord is more than sufficient.
I work at a Catholic hospital (one that actually still practices, not just nominal) and every morning the Mission Services department sends out an email to the entire staff with a prayer for the day. Honestly, it's usually pretty generic, but sometimes I really like it.
This morning they included a quote from Lady Julian of Norwich. She was a Medieval mystic in England who wrote a ton about God's love. This is her quote that was included:
God of Your goodness, give me Yourself, For You are sufficient for me…
If I were to ask anything less I should always be in want, for in you alone do I have all
If I were to ask anything less I should always be in want, for in you alone do I have all
The Lord is sufficient for me! I was so intrigued by this writing (many 14th-15th century writing focus on God's judgment and wrath so this is kind of nice!) that I looked her up on the Internet. The Wikipedia article on her is worthwhile to look at as are a couple of other sites. I'll include their links at the bottom.
Praise You, Lord, for being all good, all loving and all sufficient for me! I ask for the same things that Julian asked for:
(a) true contrition, (b) natural compassion and (c) unshakeable longing for God. To know you more, Lord, is all I could ask for!
Amen!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_of_Norwich
http://www.saintnicholas.contactbox.co.uk/archive/julian.htm
http://elvis.rowan.edu/%7Ekilroy/JEK/05/08.html
10 August 2009
Confident of HIs Touch - TW Days 22 and 23
Our assignment for Thin Within last week was to complete the reading and exercises in days 22 and 23. The focus of these exercises is to work through 10 steps to Strengthen Your Belief System, taken from Charles Stanley.
I think these steps form a good process for any believer working on habitual sin. Some stood out for me more than others, but I appreciate the value of each one. I like the fact that it gets me to focus on scriptural Truth about God, me and our relationship. I'm just going to briefly highlight some of the things that most stood out to me.
Step 3 is to highlight Bible verses that deal with courage, confidence, faith and believing. I found one that really spoke to me. In John 16.33 Jesus is talking to His disciples during the Passover feast (the Last Supper). He says:
"These things I have spoken to you so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulations, but take courage, for I have overcome the world."
I love this for two points:
1) My peace is in Him. It's not in me, or meditation or lack of conflict. It's in Him.
2) "...I have overcome the world." In English, when we use this verb form (have overcome) it is a 'perfect verb', meaning that the activity is completed, in the past, with reference to the present. The Greek, however, has a different meaning for this form. Not only is it an activity done in the past, it's effect continues to occur even in the present. This is what makes it a 'perfect', or complete, verb. So, it's not just that Jesus at one time overcame the world, rather He continues to overcome it, in a sense.
[The same thing is true in Galatians 2.20. Some versions render "I am crucified with Christ" others have it as "I have been crucified with Christ". In the Greek sense of the verb, both are correct renderings. Paul was and is crucified with Christ because that action, although in the pat, continues having a present effect.]
Sorry if that was too much grammar ;)
Step 4 includes praying God's promises. I love that because it encourages me to pray Scripture. If I don't know what to pray I can always go to the Word.
I had a hard time with Step 5 (that may be because I chose not to form specific goals through this study. I had no sense of guiding from the Lord and I wanted to just focus on the teachings in the TW book rather than focus on completing a goal). However, from way back on Day 9 I had inspiration from a phrase at the top of page 89 "He holds your future and longs to give you His hope." Since then, I've focused on the fact that one day I will be totally free from gluttony (that may not be until I'm in heaven, but it is a Truth that I can bank on). So, at times when I'm tempted I guess I use this visualization step to say to myself, "The Yvonne of the future doesn't eat that way."
I liked Step 6. I was asked to think of 3 qualities that I would like to foment. I chose to be obedient, content and God-focused (as my friend, Melissa, says, to be "Cross-eyed"). I would love, for my own sake, to be these things, but I would also love for others to look at me and think, "wow, Yvonne is obedient, content and focused on the Lord". He has done more miraculous things in this world than that! ;)
Lastly, Step 7 reminded me of my husband. He is a huge promoter of "positive thinking". I feel like I've made huge strides in negative to positive thinking since my teen years, but I'm still far behind my husband. I appreciate the importance of learning from circumstances and I feel like I've learned more about his during the last couple of months with Thin Within.
To end I wanted to share a verse I read today. In my Sunday school class we are starting a study on the gospel of John. This is 1.16, speaking of Jesus:
Amen!
I think these steps form a good process for any believer working on habitual sin. Some stood out for me more than others, but I appreciate the value of each one. I like the fact that it gets me to focus on scriptural Truth about God, me and our relationship. I'm just going to briefly highlight some of the things that most stood out to me.
Step 3 is to highlight Bible verses that deal with courage, confidence, faith and believing. I found one that really spoke to me. In John 16.33 Jesus is talking to His disciples during the Passover feast (the Last Supper). He says:
"These things I have spoken to you so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulations, but take courage, for I have overcome the world."
I love this for two points:
1) My peace is in Him. It's not in me, or meditation or lack of conflict. It's in Him.
2) "...I have overcome the world." In English, when we use this verb form (have overcome) it is a 'perfect verb', meaning that the activity is completed, in the past, with reference to the present. The Greek, however, has a different meaning for this form. Not only is it an activity done in the past, it's effect continues to occur even in the present. This is what makes it a 'perfect', or complete, verb. So, it's not just that Jesus at one time overcame the world, rather He continues to overcome it, in a sense.
[The same thing is true in Galatians 2.20. Some versions render "I am crucified with Christ" others have it as "I have been crucified with Christ". In the Greek sense of the verb, both are correct renderings. Paul was and is crucified with Christ because that action, although in the pat, continues having a present effect.]
Sorry if that was too much grammar ;)
Step 4 includes praying God's promises. I love that because it encourages me to pray Scripture. If I don't know what to pray I can always go to the Word.
I had a hard time with Step 5 (that may be because I chose not to form specific goals through this study. I had no sense of guiding from the Lord and I wanted to just focus on the teachings in the TW book rather than focus on completing a goal). However, from way back on Day 9 I had inspiration from a phrase at the top of page 89 "He holds your future and longs to give you His hope." Since then, I've focused on the fact that one day I will be totally free from gluttony (that may not be until I'm in heaven, but it is a Truth that I can bank on). So, at times when I'm tempted I guess I use this visualization step to say to myself, "The Yvonne of the future doesn't eat that way."
I liked Step 6. I was asked to think of 3 qualities that I would like to foment. I chose to be obedient, content and God-focused (as my friend, Melissa, says, to be "Cross-eyed"). I would love, for my own sake, to be these things, but I would also love for others to look at me and think, "wow, Yvonne is obedient, content and focused on the Lord". He has done more miraculous things in this world than that! ;)
Lastly, Step 7 reminded me of my husband. He is a huge promoter of "positive thinking". I feel like I've made huge strides in negative to positive thinking since my teen years, but I'm still far behind my husband. I appreciate the importance of learning from circumstances and I feel like I've learned more about his during the last couple of months with Thin Within.
To end I wanted to share a verse I read today. In my Sunday school class we are starting a study on the gospel of John. This is 1.16, speaking of Jesus:
"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."
Amen!
07 August 2009
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; sometimes I let her sleep"
I'm pretty sure that this post's title is exactly what my husband was saying to himself this morning.
Man, have I been grumpy lately! I wonder why. Is there something new going on? Or is it that I'm always grumpy, but I've only become aware of it lately because of what the Lord is teaching me? Or could it be that Satan is doing his best to get me off track? May it's all three (yikes!).
The good thing is that I'm very aware of it. This means that I don't react so quickly and I can make to choice to react or not. For example, this morning my husband pointed out a problem with the shirt I had on and I needed to change. I had a little tantrum ("Oh I hate this," I said) and I told him I was grumpy. His answer: "Apparently". :) Fast forward about 90 minutes. I got to work and my coworker asked me to research a surgical procedure. I then had three people standing over my shoulder as I was searching. In my head I kept thinking "Back off! Give me some room! If you know everything why are you asking ME for help! I'm not even awake yet. Where's my coffee? Go away!" Thankfully, I was able to keep it all INSIDE my head. :)
Praise You, God, that I'm not so quick to react as I once was. Give me your love for other people. Continue to teach me that it's not about me getting my way. Thank you for loving me through this process!
On other notes:
My husband got a contract job that will provide income for about 3 months. YAY! This will help immensely with his student loans. Praise God! He has always taken care of me/us. Even when it gets tight, He provides just enough.
It's been hard to reign in my eating this week. I've been choosing foods that are 'pleasers' but not 'whole body pleasers'. I need to be more prayerful about my choices.
I'm also finding that I need more exercise than I've been getting. My job has been so sedentary in the last couple of weeks that I crave exercise when I get off of work. On Wednesday we had dinner with a friend. Because I didn't exercise that day my back and my backside were sore and tired from sitting all day and evening.
When I started studying gluttony and loosing weight in January I decided that I would limit the amount of exercise that I was doing. About 3.5 years ago I lost a good 20 pounds by working out, but I did it excessively 10-15 hours per week. I don't want to be that person again. However, I think the 3-4 hours per week that I'm doing now isn't sufficient, especially given the fact that my job is more sedentary than before. I'm going to cautiously increase my exercise time, asking my husband to help rein me in. I'm so looking forward to October when I can get outside again. It's too hot now to go biking or jogging :(
Man, have I been grumpy lately! I wonder why. Is there something new going on? Or is it that I'm always grumpy, but I've only become aware of it lately because of what the Lord is teaching me? Or could it be that Satan is doing his best to get me off track? May it's all three (yikes!).
The good thing is that I'm very aware of it. This means that I don't react so quickly and I can make to choice to react or not. For example, this morning my husband pointed out a problem with the shirt I had on and I needed to change. I had a little tantrum ("Oh I hate this," I said) and I told him I was grumpy. His answer: "Apparently". :) Fast forward about 90 minutes. I got to work and my coworker asked me to research a surgical procedure. I then had three people standing over my shoulder as I was searching. In my head I kept thinking "Back off! Give me some room! If you know everything why are you asking ME for help! I'm not even awake yet. Where's my coffee? Go away!" Thankfully, I was able to keep it all INSIDE my head. :)
Praise You, God, that I'm not so quick to react as I once was. Give me your love for other people. Continue to teach me that it's not about me getting my way. Thank you for loving me through this process!
On other notes:
My husband got a contract job that will provide income for about 3 months. YAY! This will help immensely with his student loans. Praise God! He has always taken care of me/us. Even when it gets tight, He provides just enough.
It's been hard to reign in my eating this week. I've been choosing foods that are 'pleasers' but not 'whole body pleasers'. I need to be more prayerful about my choices.
I'm also finding that I need more exercise than I've been getting. My job has been so sedentary in the last couple of weeks that I crave exercise when I get off of work. On Wednesday we had dinner with a friend. Because I didn't exercise that day my back and my backside were sore and tired from sitting all day and evening.
When I started studying gluttony and loosing weight in January I decided that I would limit the amount of exercise that I was doing. About 3.5 years ago I lost a good 20 pounds by working out, but I did it excessively 10-15 hours per week. I don't want to be that person again. However, I think the 3-4 hours per week that I'm doing now isn't sufficient, especially given the fact that my job is more sedentary than before. I'm going to cautiously increase my exercise time, asking my husband to help rein me in. I'm so looking forward to October when I can get outside again. It's too hot now to go biking or jogging :(
06 August 2009
My Deliverer
This morning on KLOVE they played Mandissa's song "My Deliverer". I really enjoy this song, especially the line saying "My Deliverer, who rescued me from all that held me captive."
What does "all" mean? Everything. Not nothing! Not even lacking anything. ¡Todo!
It made me think of two things.
What does "all" mean? Everything. Not nothing! Not even lacking anything. ¡Todo!
It made me think of two things.
- What else am I still in bondage to? What else needs to be dealt with so I can say that He has, in fact, rescued me from EVERYTHING?
- What does the Bible say about the Lord being my deliverer?
Let's see!
I know one thing that hinders me is my lack of love for others. I am also hindered by my sense of self-entitlement, that I deserve things and that I should always get my way. I am hindered by fear of feelings - I'd rather be entertained and jovial than deal with real life or emotions. I tend to see in Bible study how things can apply really well to to others (that is, "Hey, if so-and-so knew this, she'd really be better off.") rather than taking it to heart and seeing how the Lord wants to use it to change ME.
Please, Lord, deliver me from this flesh! In the meantime, help me to focus on You so that You can work in me as You deem necessary.
Now to the verses:
2 Samuel 22:2 He said: "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;"
Both Psalm 40:17 and 70:5 essentially say the same thing: "Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay."
Nehemiah 9:27 So you handed them over to their enemies, who oppressed them. But when they were oppressed they cried out to you. From heaven you heard them, and in your great compassion you gave them deliverers, who rescued them from the hand of their enemies.
I especially like this last one because I feel that this is how the Lord has dealt with me, as well. I wanted what I wanted and He let me have it. Then, when I realized that it caused me difficulty, He compassionately provided deliverance for me. That is one amazing and awesome God!
05 August 2009
Enjoy the blessing
Have I mentioned that I'm loving the Beth Moore series "Stepping Up"? The Lord has me in the perfect place so I can grasp this and let it change me. It's an interesting 'journey'...
In week 4 day 2 of this study the focus is on blessing and I particularly enjoy some of these quotes:
"The Hebrew word asher... encompasses both, suggesting both a condition (blessed) and a human reaction (happy)" p. 99
"Biblically, one is pronounced blessed when God is present and involved in his life." p. 99 quoted from Zodhaites, 1996
So, it's not just a case of getting what I want, making God into a spiritual vending machine!
"Blessedness describes the condition of a person who reveres God, steeps her life in Him and follows His ways. She doesn't just look to God in spiritual or religious matters. she looks to Him in every matter. He's not just the most important part of her life. He is her life. The result of this divine invasion is that the life operates overall at optimum earth-satisfaction, joy and purpose without the crushing burdens of self-glory and sin. In other words, her life actually works."
Amazing! I have lived in so much dysfunction at times that reading this amazes me! When my life "works", even though it's difficult, I know that it is a direct result of God's presence in my life.
I work in a place where people hope for blessings and miracles everyday. But what does it look like? Is the blessing in recovery or in going home without he Lord? I like some of her quotes defining blessing:
"...walking in God's ways is its own blessing." p. 100
"Sometimes the blessing resides in what we avoided, not just in what we gain." p. 100
Lord, You are my blessing. More than good health, more than financial stability, loving family, success in weight loss or fulfilling all of my dreams. It is You! You are already present in the hard times to come and in the fun times. Let my focus be continually on You and not on the circumstances.
*********************************************************
On a side note:
There are a lot of what I consider to be "fluffy" terms in the English language, particularly in women's ministry. The Lord is slowly teaching me (or, actually, I'm slowly learning) to love and accept whatever terminology people use in their walk with Him (like the term 'journey'). I know some of what bugs me is due to the fact that I'm a linguist/translator/interpreter and words are my life (well, the Word is my life, you get it). I constantly analyze what people say, how they say it, what they mean by it and whether I could find a good translation for it. Terms like 'journey' are so hard! They don't just mean a trip, voyage, vacation, etc. They imply so much more emotionally that's hard to explain. So, sometimes I gloss over things if I think they are too fluffy, or don't appear to have much meaning. I used to be like that with 'journey', but I now embrace it as an all-encompassing word to express a purposeful movement away from one thing and toward another.
Forgive my ranting...
In week 4 day 2 of this study the focus is on blessing and I particularly enjoy some of these quotes:
"The Hebrew word asher... encompasses both, suggesting both a condition (blessed) and a human reaction (happy)" p. 99
"Biblically, one is pronounced blessed when God is present and involved in his life." p. 99 quoted from Zodhaites, 1996
So, it's not just a case of getting what I want, making God into a spiritual vending machine!
"Blessedness describes the condition of a person who reveres God, steeps her life in Him and follows His ways. She doesn't just look to God in spiritual or religious matters. she looks to Him in every matter. He's not just the most important part of her life. He is her life. The result of this divine invasion is that the life operates overall at optimum earth-satisfaction, joy and purpose without the crushing burdens of self-glory and sin. In other words, her life actually works."
Amazing! I have lived in so much dysfunction at times that reading this amazes me! When my life "works", even though it's difficult, I know that it is a direct result of God's presence in my life.
I work in a place where people hope for blessings and miracles everyday. But what does it look like? Is the blessing in recovery or in going home without he Lord? I like some of her quotes defining blessing:
"...walking in God's ways is its own blessing." p. 100
"Sometimes the blessing resides in what we avoided, not just in what we gain." p. 100
Lord, You are my blessing. More than good health, more than financial stability, loving family, success in weight loss or fulfilling all of my dreams. It is You! You are already present in the hard times to come and in the fun times. Let my focus be continually on You and not on the circumstances.
*********************************************************
On a side note:
There are a lot of what I consider to be "fluffy" terms in the English language, particularly in women's ministry. The Lord is slowly teaching me (or, actually, I'm slowly learning) to love and accept whatever terminology people use in their walk with Him (like the term 'journey'). I know some of what bugs me is due to the fact that I'm a linguist/translator/interpreter and words are my life (well, the Word is my life, you get it). I constantly analyze what people say, how they say it, what they mean by it and whether I could find a good translation for it. Terms like 'journey' are so hard! They don't just mean a trip, voyage, vacation, etc. They imply so much more emotionally that's hard to explain. So, sometimes I gloss over things if I think they are too fluffy, or don't appear to have much meaning. I used to be like that with 'journey', but I now embrace it as an all-encompassing word to express a purposeful movement away from one thing and toward another.
Forgive my ranting...
04 August 2009
TW Day 21
I'm not sure why, but I'm having difficulty "getting" and retaining Day 21 from the Thin Within book. I have to go back to it over and over in order to remember what's there.
Lord, if there is anything that is hindering me from grasping and understanding this lesson, please remove it. If it is because of my sin or stubbornness, please reveal it to me. If it is Satan trying to keep me from You, please remove him.
I think I'll camp out on Day 21 until I "get it".
On the other had, I've been made aware of other triggers that send me to food. I was so excited after doing the forgiveness activity, thinking that it would be a major key to my freedom from food. The Lord showed me last night that I have the same attitude towards other things. To explain, I found in the Day 20 exercise that most of my anger and frustration towards others(that I numb with food) is due to my own desires going unmet by these individuals. Last night I learned that the same is true for inanimate objects and circumstances.
Yesterday was a fine, average day at work. It was pretty toasty when I left (the high was 114) which make me a little grumpy. I stopped at McD's and had a light dinner because I knew that after Bible study I was going home to some yummy cookies and I wanted to be hungry for them. Bible study was fine (well, the Lord continues to show me that I don't have love for other women like He does, but that's an on-going issue). And then, I got into my car to come home.
My car is little-by-little falling apart. Nothing bad or scary happened on the drive home, but I began thinking about the various car problems, the traffic, highway construction, etc. and by the time I arrived home I was a ball of tension. I went right to the freezer where these cookies are and scarfed down two without breathing. I then ate two pieces of cheese and a large bowl of cereal, which I was not hungry for. By this time maybe 10 minutes had passed, my head cleared and I had some sanity restore to me. I said to my husband. "I think something's stressing me out because all I want to do is eat." He promptly took my bowl away and asked me about my day (sigh... he's great). Yet again, I figured that I was mad because I wasn't getting my way (in this case, having a trouble-free car).
It really helps me to say it out loud to someone (once I realize it). Yes, I went to food for comfort, but I am now more quickly able to realize it and stop it. Thank You Lord that the amount of damage that I do to myself is less than before! Thank You that You are showing me a way out of this bondage!
Lord, if there is anything that is hindering me from grasping and understanding this lesson, please remove it. If it is because of my sin or stubbornness, please reveal it to me. If it is Satan trying to keep me from You, please remove him.
I think I'll camp out on Day 21 until I "get it".
On the other had, I've been made aware of other triggers that send me to food. I was so excited after doing the forgiveness activity, thinking that it would be a major key to my freedom from food. The Lord showed me last night that I have the same attitude towards other things. To explain, I found in the Day 20 exercise that most of my anger and frustration towards others(that I numb with food) is due to my own desires going unmet by these individuals. Last night I learned that the same is true for inanimate objects and circumstances.
Yesterday was a fine, average day at work. It was pretty toasty when I left (the high was 114) which make me a little grumpy. I stopped at McD's and had a light dinner because I knew that after Bible study I was going home to some yummy cookies and I wanted to be hungry for them. Bible study was fine (well, the Lord continues to show me that I don't have love for other women like He does, but that's an on-going issue). And then, I got into my car to come home.
My car is little-by-little falling apart. Nothing bad or scary happened on the drive home, but I began thinking about the various car problems, the traffic, highway construction, etc. and by the time I arrived home I was a ball of tension. I went right to the freezer where these cookies are and scarfed down two without breathing. I then ate two pieces of cheese and a large bowl of cereal, which I was not hungry for. By this time maybe 10 minutes had passed, my head cleared and I had some sanity restore to me. I said to my husband. "I think something's stressing me out because all I want to do is eat." He promptly took my bowl away and asked me about my day (sigh... he's great). Yet again, I figured that I was mad because I wasn't getting my way (in this case, having a trouble-free car).
It really helps me to say it out loud to someone (once I realize it). Yes, I went to food for comfort, but I am now more quickly able to realize it and stop it. Thank You Lord that the amount of damage that I do to myself is less than before! Thank You that You are showing me a way out of this bondage!
03 August 2009
Stepping Up homework week four
Wow! Amazing! I almost can't believe it!
I know that the Lord is really trying to teach me something when it comes at me from all sides! This is a precious time in my life with the Lord. Even though my outside circumstances don't seem like anything special, I will always fondly remember the Summer of 2009 as a special time in my walk with God because He is teaching me some awesome things!
A few years ago, when I was just getting to know the man who would become my husband, I was given the opportunity to edit the Spanish version of a marriage ministry book called "Fortified Marriages". The authors knew I was single and the wife at one time said to me, "Maybe reading through all of this is preparation for you." That made me nervous :) but she was right. The Lord gave me that material at that moment to prepare me for the next huge step in my life.
A few months ago I had a patient in my hospital who knew Jesus. He had been frustrated and depressed by his circumstances, but then the Lord showed him what a great opportunity this was to rest and study the Word (what else are you going to do in a hospital bed for a month?). This man's sorrow was turned to gladness and he chose to make the best of every moment he had to be prepared for whatever the next step might be.
This is how I feel now. I don't know what the next step is for me, but I can tell this is a time of teaching, renewal and preparation from the Lord. He is really drilling into me topics like freedom in Christ, obedience, submission, joy, forgiveness, prayer and being satisfied in Him. These are all topics I've touched on before in my walk, but God is really emphasizing them now. I'm excited! What will He do next? If nothing else He is freeing me from gluttony, self-centeredness and unforgiveness. Hallelujah!
Last night I was finishing up my homework for Bible study tonight. I am so enjoying the "Stepping Up" series by Beth Moore. I know the Lord is taking me on an awesome journey this summer! Even though she doesn't write specifically about "forgiveness" her lesson on Week 4, Day 4 goes right along with Thin Within's Day 20. I wanted to quote some of what she says:
"Freedom never comes through disobedience." p. 106
I can be free from gluttony and unforgiveness/bitterness only as I submit to the Lord.
"Anything we've continued to battle from our youth is habitual enough to require Christ's healing work. Only He can clarify our clouded belief systems. Otherwise the cycle will never break." p. 108
Only by soaking in Christ's presence will I be able to be freed-up from everything I've carried since childhood/adolescence.
On page 109 Beth shares Isaiah 51:22, that the Sovereign Lord defends His people. She indicates that He defends us even when our oppression is self-inflicted by our own acts of idolatry, unbelief and rebellion.
Beth says on p. 110:
"Comprehending God's loyalty to us and consciously leaving all vindication to Him is crucial if you and I don't want to inadvertently go from being oppressed to being an oppressor. If we don't allow God to heal our hearts, minds, and habits, we will either continue to allow people to walk all over us or we'll be come people who walk all over them."
I found, from doing the TW Day 20 forgiveness exercises, that most of my anger and bitterness was self-inflicted and that my hurt turned to hate, making me the oppressor. How sad! But praise God for showing me that so I'll choose not to do it anymore!
I have got to turn to the Lord and let Him deal with all of this so that I can be a more effective tool for His kingdom. I am so thankful for these messages and for the fact that God has softened my heart to them. I know this is not the first time I've heard all of this, but it's like a breath of fresh air!
I know that the Lord is really trying to teach me something when it comes at me from all sides! This is a precious time in my life with the Lord. Even though my outside circumstances don't seem like anything special, I will always fondly remember the Summer of 2009 as a special time in my walk with God because He is teaching me some awesome things!
A few years ago, when I was just getting to know the man who would become my husband, I was given the opportunity to edit the Spanish version of a marriage ministry book called "Fortified Marriages". The authors knew I was single and the wife at one time said to me, "Maybe reading through all of this is preparation for you." That made me nervous :) but she was right. The Lord gave me that material at that moment to prepare me for the next huge step in my life.
A few months ago I had a patient in my hospital who knew Jesus. He had been frustrated and depressed by his circumstances, but then the Lord showed him what a great opportunity this was to rest and study the Word (what else are you going to do in a hospital bed for a month?). This man's sorrow was turned to gladness and he chose to make the best of every moment he had to be prepared for whatever the next step might be.
This is how I feel now. I don't know what the next step is for me, but I can tell this is a time of teaching, renewal and preparation from the Lord. He is really drilling into me topics like freedom in Christ, obedience, submission, joy, forgiveness, prayer and being satisfied in Him. These are all topics I've touched on before in my walk, but God is really emphasizing them now. I'm excited! What will He do next? If nothing else He is freeing me from gluttony, self-centeredness and unforgiveness. Hallelujah!
Last night I was finishing up my homework for Bible study tonight. I am so enjoying the "Stepping Up" series by Beth Moore. I know the Lord is taking me on an awesome journey this summer! Even though she doesn't write specifically about "forgiveness" her lesson on Week 4, Day 4 goes right along with Thin Within's Day 20. I wanted to quote some of what she says:
"Freedom never comes through disobedience." p. 106
I can be free from gluttony and unforgiveness/bitterness only as I submit to the Lord.
"Anything we've continued to battle from our youth is habitual enough to require Christ's healing work. Only He can clarify our clouded belief systems. Otherwise the cycle will never break." p. 108
Only by soaking in Christ's presence will I be able to be freed-up from everything I've carried since childhood/adolescence.
On page 109 Beth shares Isaiah 51:22, that the Sovereign Lord defends His people. She indicates that He defends us even when our oppression is self-inflicted by our own acts of idolatry, unbelief and rebellion.
Beth says on p. 110:
"Comprehending God's loyalty to us and consciously leaving all vindication to Him is crucial if you and I don't want to inadvertently go from being oppressed to being an oppressor. If we don't allow God to heal our hearts, minds, and habits, we will either continue to allow people to walk all over us or we'll be come people who walk all over them."
I found, from doing the TW Day 20 forgiveness exercises, that most of my anger and bitterness was self-inflicted and that my hurt turned to hate, making me the oppressor. How sad! But praise God for showing me that so I'll choose not to do it anymore!
I have got to turn to the Lord and let Him deal with all of this so that I can be a more effective tool for His kingdom. I am so thankful for these messages and for the fact that God has softened my heart to them. I know this is not the first time I've heard all of this, but it's like a breath of fresh air!
02 August 2009
The forgiveness activity - TW day 20
Last night I spent a good hour working on the forgiveness activity from Day 20. Wow! It was rough, but I'm thankful for it because I saw something incredible and new.
I had 6 people/groups that I chose to write about in the activity. The include family, people from my youth and people I lost friendships with and people that I am friends with now. I wrote about each on a separate page. My plan is to work through this, even if I have to continue writing about it for some time to come, and when I am done I will burn the pages. I began each entry in a similar fashion to the example given in the Thin Within book. I then proceeded to list, in general terms, the hurts and grievances that I have been holding onto. I also made sure to really look at the grievance and not just blow it off or excuse it (that's what I've been doing for years and has gotten me nowhere).
Then I made an amazing discovery.
I found that the vast majority of my grievances all stemmed from the same injury: these people weren't living up to MY standards! I was holding things against them that I unnecessarily expected of them! One example is a guy that I used to be friends with and had a huge crush on. The Lord had clearly told me not to pursue him. When it finally became obvious to me that he was not romantically interested in me, in my feelings I turned on him and I lost his friendship (which had been very dear to me). I had certain standards for him (ungodly personal Yvonne expectations) that he didn't live up to. So I've been angry for years because he couldn't read my mind.
WOW! Amazing! Most of my anger and bitterness has been SELF-INFLICTED. I need to spend time in the Word to get to know the Lord so that I know what His will is. That way, I can line up my will with His, have godly parameters, make biblically sound judgments and have no reason to hold my grievances against others.
I'm not sure if any of this is making sense (my husband it talking at me in the background), but THIS IS HUGE for me. There are some things that I finally feel freed up about, things that I have been holding onto for half of my life.
Praise the Lord! He sets captives free!
I had 6 people/groups that I chose to write about in the activity. The include family, people from my youth and people I lost friendships with and people that I am friends with now. I wrote about each on a separate page. My plan is to work through this, even if I have to continue writing about it for some time to come, and when I am done I will burn the pages. I began each entry in a similar fashion to the example given in the Thin Within book. I then proceeded to list, in general terms, the hurts and grievances that I have been holding onto. I also made sure to really look at the grievance and not just blow it off or excuse it (that's what I've been doing for years and has gotten me nowhere).
Then I made an amazing discovery.
I found that the vast majority of my grievances all stemmed from the same injury: these people weren't living up to MY standards! I was holding things against them that I unnecessarily expected of them! One example is a guy that I used to be friends with and had a huge crush on. The Lord had clearly told me not to pursue him. When it finally became obvious to me that he was not romantically interested in me, in my feelings I turned on him and I lost his friendship (which had been very dear to me). I had certain standards for him (ungodly personal Yvonne expectations) that he didn't live up to. So I've been angry for years because he couldn't read my mind.
WOW! Amazing! Most of my anger and bitterness has been SELF-INFLICTED. I need to spend time in the Word to get to know the Lord so that I know what His will is. That way, I can line up my will with His, have godly parameters, make biblically sound judgments and have no reason to hold my grievances against others.
I'm not sure if any of this is making sense (my husband it talking at me in the background), but THIS IS HUGE for me. There are some things that I finally feel freed up about, things that I have been holding onto for half of my life.
Praise the Lord! He sets captives free!
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