The blame game

So many times in my life I've blamed food for being the bad-guy.

I know better than that, though. It's not the food's fault. It didn't fly at my mouth and peg itself to my rear-end. I chose to take in too much of it. In college I worked for McDonald's and I remember thinking it was ridiculous that anyone would sue the restaurant for making them fat. In some way, though, I've played the blame game, too. I mean, isn't it easier to play the victim than acknowledge that I am the culprit?

I few months ago I started doing a Bible study on God's perspective on food. The topic that I looked at was that God is the creator of all food and (everything on earth fitting for nourishment is permissible - even ice cream). Below is just a little bit of what I found.

Genesis 1:29-30
Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food"; and it was so.


Genesis 2:9
Out of the ground the LORD God caused to grow every tree that is pleasing to the sight and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.


Genesis 9:3
"Every moving thing that is alive shall be food for you; I give all to you, as I gave the green plant."


Mark 7:18-20
And He said to them, "Are you so lacking in understanding also? Do you not understand that whatever goes into the man from outside cannot defile him, because it does not go into his heart, but into his stomach, and is eliminated?" (Thus He declared all foods clean.) And He was saying, "That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man."

So, it's not the food's fault. Jesus said that nothing that goes into me defiles me, only the ungodly things that come out of me. I think one of the ugliest things to come out of me in my practice of gluttony is jealousy. The Lord has shown me that I've been very jealous of those thinner than me and of those that can eat whatever amount of food that they want. I know the Lord is trying to teach me about balance in my own life. My focus is on Him and on me. I'm not to compare myself to anyone else. Some days it's tougher than others. :)

Acceptance of being found

Currently my favorite author is Kenneth Bailey. He's a Christian scholar who lived most of his life in the Middle East. He reads and speaks a number of languages from that region and is well-versed in the urban and peasant cultures. His academic focus (as it appears to me) is cultural understanding of the Bible. The first book I read by him is Jesus through Middle Eastern Eyes. He walks though much of the life of Jesus and explains much of the cultural context that we lack in the west.
Bailey has focused a number of his writings on Luke 15. In this chapter the Pharisees and religious leaders ask Jesus why he eats with sinners. Jesus' response is a three-part parable about finding the lost. First, he talks about a shepherd who takes a risk to find his lost sheep. Then, he speaks of a woman who diligently searches out a lost coin. Then, he talks about a father who goes out to find his two lost boys - the one who broke the law and the one who kept the law. This is what we know as the parable of the prodigal son.
I could go on and on about what I've learned from Bailey's studies, but there are a few things that I'd like to point out that have special meaning to me:

First, the lost items do not lose their value just because they are lost. Each of them are searched for diligently. The owner/father goes out of his/her way and makes sacrifices to find it. It reminds me that God sees me as extremely valuable. I'm a part of the family of God, but if I were to wander I know that the Lord would search me out and value me even if I make poor choices.

Second, Baily offers his own definition of repentance. Those who have studied Greek know that the root word is metanoeo, that is, changing of the mind (lit. to think about afterwards). when we repent of a sin we change our mind, our thinking about it, 180 degrees. We no longer accept it. So, when I repent of eating out of boredom, I consider the sin of gluttony and I change my mind about it. It no longer remains acceptable in my mind.

When Baily writes of the repentance of the "prodigal" son, the son who was so proud to go out and do his own thing, to be separated from his father, he writes of the father going out to find his son on the road home. The son has to accept what the father says about him. In this repentance, he accept what the father has done. He chooses not to run away again. He accepts that he is found.

Bailey writes in Jacob and the Prodigal "Quite simple, Jesus is defining repentance as 'acceptance of being found'...Repentance is not a work which earns our rescue. Rather the sinner accepts being found." Rather than fighting, or not believing, he chooses to accept that what his father has done is true.

Lord, I accept that you have done the costly work of finding me. You value me more that I can understand. Teach me, Lord, to value what you value and accept as you accept. Amen!

The Crosswalk

(You notice that he takes over when God doesn't agree)

(Once again, his will, not the Lord's)

We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot.

Gethsemane: war of the will

Last night in Bible study we watched a lesson on Jesus' last night in the garden of Gethsemane. He went there after sharing the Last Supper with His disciples and before being captured. We looked at this moment from the perspective of different gospels, but we were mainly working out of Luke 22:
And He withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and began to pray, saying, "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done." Now an angel from heaven appeared to Him, strengthening Him. And being in agony He was praying very fervently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground (41-44)

Here, Jesus is our ultimate example of obedience and submission to the Father's will. He was honest in His prayer - desiring to avoid what lie ahead, but more importantly He was willing to accomplish the will of the Father. He agonized over the thought of what He would go through, but He released His own will to be absorbed into the will of the father.

The speaker in this lesson called this ever-so-stressful event a 'Gethsemane moment'. That is, a moment when we are naked in spirit, totally open and vulnerable, and have a choice to make: continue struggling for my own authority so that my own will may be done, or allow myself to become a bond-servant (doulos) to the Lord and have His will consume me.

Jesus was at a peak crisis moment in Gethsemane. He told His disciples to pray, maybe so that they would know to always pray in high-stress situations. This was the ultimate war of the will and Jesus chose to submit. He began His submission int he garden by kneeling. The Lord of the Universe knelt down and humbled Himself to the Father's will. His human glory would be humiliated so that His eternal godly glory would be magnified.

This made me think about my own submission. In what areas of my life am I fighting against God's will. I've fought Him before and I did not win. I remember crying out to Him to let me have my own way. He let me have it and it only brought more heartache and shame. Will I, as the speaker said, "forgo brokenness by bending a knee and submitting"? Or, will I continue trying to have it my own way.

In this journey of repentance of gluttony I am finding so many other sins tied into gluttony. It has been so pervasive! Lord, help me choose Your will! Lord, teach me Your will and then let me be consumed with it - be it in food, relationships, feelings, stewardship of my time and resources or some other little corner of my being that has been closed off to You.

Thank you, Jesus, for your ultimate sacrifice and your ultimate example.

Wycliffe translation to the Goma people

Yesterday we watched a short video about a Wycliffe/Crusade production of the Jesus film into the Goma language of a people group in Africa. They had video from the first showing - a night, projected onto a sheet in the village. They said about 4500 people showed for the first night. In the video they were able to capture people's emotional reactions to their first viewing of Christ's life, death and resurrection (in their own language). I was struck by how real and genuine they were. They applauded at Christ's miraculous healings, they loudly and bitterly wept at His beatings and execution, and they rejoiced over His resurrection. Many people, particularly young men of that community, came to Christ after seeing the film.

I was humbled by their reaction. I asked myself, "when was the last time I genuinely reacted to what the Lord did for me?" I have know the gospel stories for so long that they've almost become rote. I cried and asked the Lord to put that fresh awe and wonder into my heart so that I can see what those people saw.

Isn't it amazing how complete God is? He uses a project designed for people on the other side of the planet, in another language, to change my heart. How great is our God!!!

Time to eat

For some years now I have been fully aware that I eat a lot when I'm bored or when there is food to be eaten (say, at a party). I'm also a person who keeps busy. Right now is a slower time of life for me (I only work 2 jobs and I'm done with school), but there are still days when I get quite busy. Because of this, for years I've eaten on the go - always trying to fit in a snack or a meal between activities or obligations. I think that's pretty normal for many Americans.

I've found now, in my effort towards conscious eating, that hunger and time to eat don't always coincide. I've know classmates and coworkers in the past who've said, "I just don't have time to eat," which I never understood. I mean, if you want to do something you'll make time for it, right? Now it seems to me that those people only ate when they were hungry and when they got hungry during a time when they weren't able to eat, they didn't.

For me this is a very profound thought.

So, now I'm trying to practice this. For example, last night I went to a dance class at the Y from 5:30-6:30. Before I left I told my husband that I'd fix dinner when I returned. When I got back I realized that I wasn't hungry. I told him so and he made his own dinner. I took a shower and putzed around for about another hour before I felt hungry. I had cereal.

It seems crazy to me because this will change my behavioral pattern. No longer eating when I 'should' but only eating when I'm really, actually hungry - I might save a lot of time with this plan!

Another thought I have is that since I'm trying to eat only when I'm hungry, that I may not have(and in fact haven't had) time to eat the moment I get hungry. A few times now I've had to wait for an appropriate time to eat. The Lord has been good humored, showing me that I'm not going to die if I don't eat right away. Also, sometime I get grumpy when I don't/can't eat when I want. God is showing me how I've used food to pacify my emotional feelings.

This food thing is more profound that I thought.

The Lady and the Cookie

Praise the Lord for His undeserved grace and mercy!



I love the Newsboys. One song that is often in my head says "When we don't get what we deserve, it's a real good thing. When we get get what we don't deserve, it's a real good thing." The Lord is the giver of all good things and I have done nothing to deserve them. I have a hard time with the word deserve. My mom will say, "Oh good, you've worked so hard. You deserve a vacation." I don't know that I deserve much of anything, and certainly nothing from God. That's why His grace amazes me - unmerited, undeserved favor.



This week He has been lavishing grace and mercy upon me. He has helped me not to eat when I'm not hungry. This is amazing because I pretty much always eat when I'm not hungry. Most of my life I've eaten because the food is "just there" or because I'm bored. At my work the catering staff produces my favorite sugar cookie in the world. On Wednesday I attened a meeting, just after I ate my lunch, where they served these sugar cookies (these are on our work's 'endangered species' list due to budget cuts) . I had no desire to eat one. I was satisfied from lunch. My supervisor thought I was crazy and asked if I was sick. :)

Praise the Lord that I didn't feel like I had to eat one just because it was there! I want to be a good steward of my resources and not waste food just because it's there.

Yay!

Bombardment

Have you ever had a time when God is teaching you something and you hear about it from many different angles? This tends to happen to me. Apparently the God who created me knows me well enough to know that I need a lot of information, encouragement and instruction from many sources.

I saw my doctor for a check-up at the end of December and he was concerned about my weight gain (only 7-8 pounds in about 6 months). I assured him that it was just due to the holiday, but it started me thinking. I am overweight enough, and have been so my entire life, that I'm sure it has shortened my lifespan. I'm active enough and have never had other medical problems, but the extra pounds for sure will weaken my bones, my joints, my heart and well, my entire body. So, I decided that I needed to lose weight.

I have a follow-up with my doctor in March and I thought "I'll blow him away at how much I've lost." I guess that's ok motivation. Health, right? Not just impressing my doctor. Then, I saw on the TV that a weight loss show is challenging Americans to lose weight. For every pound lost they will give a pound of food to a food bank. So, I signed up. Another pretty good reason, right? Helping others. Then, my husband and I decided to plan a vacation in June. There's an activity that I'd love to do: glass-bottom kayaking. They have a 2-person combined weight limit of 400lbs. We're right at that limit. So, we decided that if we each lose 10lbs or so that we'll be good to go. Another good reason, right?

All of these are good, but none of them are the best reason. As an adopted child of the Lord, heir of the Kingdom, participant in the Great Commission, my life must reflect the Holy Spirit that indwells me. My utmost and #1 goal and motivation should be getting out of the bondage of gluttony and sloth, thus glorifying God who has liberated me.

So the Lord started talking to me about that. I started studying again how God views food in the Bible, what my identity is in Him (by the way, it's Christ, not the number on the scale, nor the size of my pants). As I began to search for His truth He has rushed at me many sources and reminders that i can trust in. Here are a few for example:

1. My co-worker was talking about how gluttony is a sin, but that the Church is very accepting of it.
2. I have found blogs of women dealing with the same addiction in a manner glorifying to God.
3. On the radio, in Dr. randy Carlson's Intentional Life program, a caller spoke about how he and his wife are making choices to be intentional about how they treat their bodies with food.

There are a number of other resources that I've found or tapped into again. Praise the Lord for providing everything I need for life and godliness!

Dealing with addiction

I've noticed that when God deals with me on the issue of an addiction to sin, I not only deal with that sin, but with many others.

The current addiction is gluttony. Well, I've really been hanging on to it for my entire life, but it is the one currently in focus. I am learning in my heart (different than learning in my head, because much of this has been head knowledge for a long time) that food has been my all-in-all. I abuse it, waste it, for fuel. I look to it to make me feel good, to entertain me, to console me. I see that these are lies. God created all food to be good - in its purpose, which is fuel. I need certain nutrients so my body will work. Amazingly, God made food to taste good. He could have created it so it was more like food-pills in the Jetsons. Instead, it made it to be yummy. I think He had purpose in making food this way. I think He wanted to give us good things to enjoy. Praise God for being so good and kind! But my flesh, and Satan, have been trying to thwart God's goodness and out my focus on the creation rather than on the Creator. Thank you, Lord, for being the Creator of all good things.

Genesis 1:31a God saw all that he had made, and it was very good

God did not create me to be a slave to gluttony. He has made me free.

Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

That said, gluttony is a very real, very profuse sin. God hates all sin! And I hate gluttony. Why? It makes me feel horrible, it gives way to others sins: sloth (because I'm to big to move); envy of others (because they are active, they fit in their cloths, they have food I'd like to eat); discontent (I always need to feed my sin - where's the next snack?); anger (at myself for allowing myself to live in bondage); worry (about my health due to practicing gluttony). And yet, I have chosen to remain in this bondage for so long.

At times I want to blame my community, my society, but it is no one's fault but my own that I have chosen this life of sin. Yes, the Church (body of believers in Christ), in general, embraces gluttony and does not call it sin. God is telling me that this is not for me to try to fix. He is telling me that He wants to change me. If He uses His changes in my life to minister to the body - so be it, but for right now I am only to be concerned with repentance of my personal gluttony.

The treatment for my addiction is not to dwell upon it, or talk through it, but to replace it with Jesus.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

At the moment He is giving me supernatural grace to stop practicing gluttony. I fear the moment when that initial protection may be removed to strengthen my faith in Him, but we are working together in the this present moment. The future will happen when God wills it.

Psalm 119: 105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path

He shows me how to take the next step. Just the next step. And that is all I really need.

Oh God, you are my God and I will ever praise you.

Oh God, you are my God and I will ever praise you.

I will seek you in the morning and I will learn to walk in your ways

And step by step you'll lead me and I will follow you all of my days.

A new day

I started this blog about a year ago in hopes of giving myself a journaling space/accountability for organizing my life. I was pretty busy at the time (planning my wedding) and I was so overwhelmed and tired that I feared not accomplishing my goals. Due to all of the activity I promptly stopped blogging.

So what now?

I'd like to write about what the Lord is doing in me and through me and what He is teaching me.

The main topic that He has been presenting to me over and over again during the last several month is obedience/trust. For me, they go hand-in-hand. I've seen in the gospels that Jesus commends people for their faith, not for their actions. In parables, those who are righteous or rewarded are those who were trusting and obeying. For example, in Luke 12:35-38, Jesus tells a parable about servants who vigilantly wait for the return of their mater who, upon arriving, serves them! They chose to be obedient. They chose to stay awake - even if that meant all night. It says nothing about what they were feeling. It doesn't say that they liked waiting or wanted to wait, but that they were obedient in their waiting. They aren't rewarded for doing something seemingly cool like saving a drowning person or sharing gospel tracts (which, of course, are fine things). They are rewarded for their obedience. What we their reward? Being served by their master.

In October my husband and I sensed a very real need to help my mom prepare some of property to be sold. She was not in favor of the idea, but we felt God leading us to do this work. We would have been very happy not to spend January in the snow in Washington, but we knew that God was calling us to this service despite what we were feeling. I remember making a phone call to her that I thought would be unpleasant. I said to my husband, "I don't want to do this. But God is only asking me to be obedient." He gave me strength to do the one task that He set before me.

So, I only have one goal now: to live my life in simple obedience to the Lord. How huge! How profound! How simple! Lord, help me overcome my flesh.