I have been feeling anxious and frustrated for several days now. I know that the root of it all is that I'm not getting my way and I am holding my desires in a death grip. Yesterday, I broke down in tears because our house needs yet another set of repairs. Money has been getting tighter and tighter and this was this straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.
I have been needing to go to God minute-by-minute to maintain any sense of peace. My gut instinct is to distract myself by watching TV, going to the gym, reading a book or something else. Additionally, I have been having cravings for food that I don't eat or rarely eat anymore. Last night all I wanted was mac and cheese and french fries (not together). This morning, in a saner state of mind, they both sound incredibly unappealing, but they were all I could think about yesterday. I told my husband and he directed me towards a salad, which I ate. It was good. It gave me the nourishment I needed without the emotional Band-Aid.
I was amazed by Heidi's blog this morning (http://godisdoinganewthing.blogspot.com/2009/07/chapter-20-i-realized-there-were.html) as my recent frustrations seem to line up with hers. I haven't read Day 20 yet - that is my plan for tonight. I know I still have a lot of baggage (I accidentally originally wrote 'naggage' - Freudian slip? hehehe) to deal with.
Man, aren't I tired by now of dragging around the same old stuff from year to year, from situation to situation. How wonderful it will be to be freed up from this emotional baggage!
I'm trying to make the conscious decision to go to God in thanks each time I get anxious and I try to get a realistic perspective on things. Also, I'm really digging the book 'The Satisfied Heart". I am convinced that the Lord is allowing these things to happen now so that I can learn and grow from it as I am helpful guided by "The Satisfied Heart" and "Thin Within". God doesn't torture me for kicks, He has a righteous plan that glorifies Himself every step of the way.
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