TW days 15 and 16

I have had some difficulty with the activities in days 15 and 16 in the TW book. I see that I still have a lot to give over to the Lord.

First, I see my lack of prayerful eating. I may pray before eating, but I often lack in speaking to the Lord while I'm eating. I am not practicing the conscious eating key #2 "Reduce the number of distractions to eat in a clam environment". I've noticed mainly that either 1) I am paying attention to the people that I am eating with and not to my food; 2) I am choosing distraction by reading, having the TV on or 'multi-tasking' at work; or 3) I have been at a 0 for longer than I want and therefore I scarf down whatever is laid in front of me.

In the day 15 activity, "The first meal of the rest of your life", I found it was hard to be still with the Lord and to eat slowly. This is something that I need to pray about. Obviously, even though I may not be using food to push down emotions as before, I am still finding ways to avoid feeling things that are uncomfortable.

I think this was a helpful and very apropos activity to mark the halfway point through the book.

The day 16 activity was hard because I had to face some significant (i.e. difficult) times in my life. One thing I found in all of them, however, was that God made Himself known to me at just the right moment. Just when I thought I was going to lose it, He showed Himself in love to me. I also realized that three of the moments that I chose came to a head at about the same time - 8th grade - which was also when I came to know the Lord as my Savior. I always look back at my junior high years as a dreadful time, but this activity helped me to see that the Lord allowed such things so that my heart would be ready for Him.

I was additionally struck by a sentence at the top of page 161:
"And He empowers us by His amazing grace to experience the results He desires."

I live in a time and place where the term 'empowerment' is thrown around all of the time (and it is such a hard term to define in other cultures - it's difficult to translate at work!). The thing is, it's always spoken of in terms of 'self-empowerment' - that I am to do something to make myself able. That's a sham! How do I make myself more powerful? I can try to convince myself and others that I am, but that doesn't really mean it. The power that I am comes from the Holy God living in me!

The Lord says in Exodus 9:16:
"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."

And this promise He gives in Acts 1:8:
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

So, I have His power. How? By His amazing grace! It is so undeserved, but I am so thankful that He give it to me. This grace is His unmerited favor towards me. Why? Simply because I am His creation and loved by the One whose name is love (1 John 3).

Lastly, and this is the most profound to me, "...to experience the results He desires." He works His power and grace in me with the result being His plan. Not my plan. His plan is great, magnificent, awe-inspiring and, even though He does care about the most minute details of my life, including my weight, His ultimate results have nothing to do with my physical body. His desire, I believe, is reflected in many of Paul's prayers for believers:

Colossians 1.9-12:
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Nothing in this prayer refers to weight gain, good health, having a job or even providing for my family. Every request has to do with my spiritual health and relationship with the Lord.

Father, thank you so much for these activities in the TW book. They're so hard at times. You know it! But I;m thankful for them because they show me how You have been present in my life even in the hard times. You are amazingly and abundantly more gracious, loving and kind than I could ever imagine or hope for. Let me not waste your goodness! Help me be a good steward of everything that You give me for whatever amount of time that You keep me here. Praise Your name, Holiest God, Jehovah jirah (my provider) and el-roi (the God who sees). Amen!