Hoarding

Last January my husband and I went to help my mom to take care of some of her property. she was in financial struggles and was concerned about having foreclosure on her home. Our idea was to clean out one of the structures and sell that part of the property. Praise the Lord, He was good and allowed everything to happen that was necessary for this process - and quite quickly, too. My mom was blessed beyond words by the various people involved in the process. It was wonderful.

That said, the process, at times, was really hard. Mainly emotional toil, but there was a lot of physical work as well. My mom is a hoarder. She doesn't throw things away. She keeps them. She hides them. then, when life gets too busy/hard/whatever, those things become neglected. The structure that my husband and I went to work on was an old one bedroom, on bath shack that sits on property adjacent to my mom's house. It was a total tear down, but first we had to clean it out. It was full to the ceiling with... well, I'm not going to go into details, just know it was full. Everything go thrown into a dumpster. It hadn't been used or cared for, so it rotted.

Moving forward to present day...

Last night I was reading in "Get Thin, Stay Thin" (I so wished the publishers had kept the title "Soul Hunger" because it makes much more sense). There was a section that talked about how things from our childhood may affect our eating as adults. Now, I don't believe in the victimization mentality blame game, but I think that, for example, lack of love in childhood can send us looking for it anywhere and everywhere. That doesn't mean it's right and that certainly doesn't remove the responsibility of our own actions from us, but it does help us explore maybe why we have certain tendencies.

I have a very strong aversion to hoarding stuff. My mom's house has always been "cluttered", at best, and there were many times growing up when I couldn't have friends over because of the house's condition. Now, I'm not a clean-freak, but I don't have "stuff". My husband's aunt is a very crafty person, and her house is clean, but it is so full of projects that I always come home after visiting looking for things to give away or throw out.

Yet, I came to a realization last night that I HOARD FOOD. I do. Not in the packed freezer and pantry sense. No, I hoard it on my body. I see food and I greedily eat it. I want it. For me. I want to enjoy it. If I don't somebody else will eat it and I will lose out.

You know, admitting that I'm gluttonous or greedy is one thing, but realizing and admitting that I hoard is a new, painful step for me. It's good. It's good because I can deal with it and move forward. I'm pretty hopeful, too, because I so loathe hoarding in the material sense maybe that will help me hate in in the eating sense. That said, I've hoarded cookies and candies over the last two days. More than usual. I wonder if it's my flesh wanting to rebel from truth and light.

Lord, thank You for this revelation. It's hard because it shows me to be something that I always hoped I wouldn't become. Lord, I confess my gluttony, greed and hoarding. These sinful actions show that I am not depending on You nor am I trusting You for my provision. Help my unbelief, Lord, so I can truly repent of these sins. Amen!