So, is it sin?

The first time we see Satan (the serpent) act in the Bible he tries to get Eve to question whether her desired action is really sin. God had told Eve and her husband not to eat the fruit of a certain tree. Satan questioned Eve to see if she really believed God's command to be true. Volumes and volumes of text have been written about what Adam and Eve's sin. I usually hear that their sin was lack of obedience, lack of submission or pride. I think a precursor to all of that is lack of belief.

We act on our beliefs. Belief causes behavior. In Thin Within (both the text and workbook #1) I read that my belief is going to influence my actions. We read about the eagle in the chicken yard - believing that he was a chicken and acted as such.

As a follower of Christ, I have to believe that something is a sin before I choose to stop doing it. Unless I'm convinced that it is sinful I plan on continuing in my past/current behavior.

This is where I get stuck. For so many years I never saw overeating as a sin. I never believed God's Word about gluttony so I indulged in the sin. Maybe it was fun at times, but in the long run it only hurt me.

A friend in my Sunday school class this weekend told us this quote:

Sin keeps you longer than you intended stay,

it takes you further than you wanted to go,

and cost you more than you wanted to pay

Erwin Lutzer

The truth is, even now, I continue to over-eat, focus on how fat I am, lust after a smaller size and become jealous of those who lose weight more quickly. I still have yet to believe that what God is telling me is Truth (with a capital T).

Lord, help my unbelief!

Owning it, not just knowing it

A guy I used to go to church with said, "I know the truth, but I don't own it," meaning that he knew the Truth of God in his head, but he didn't really believe it enough to make it evident in his life.

I feel like I'm in a serious state of not owning what I say I believe about Christ and my identity in Him. I'm going to use my post today to reiterate what I know to be true, with the hope of living it out and owning it.

There's a good deal of change going on around me. I feel like a lot of people are moving on or away. Some of the change saddens me (I've had a "down" feeling for about 3 days and can't seem to shake it) and some of the change raises up feelings of jealousy.

For example, one of my co-workers has decided to go on a severely calorie-restricting diet that uses synthetic hormone supplements to trick your body into losing weight. In about a week she's lost 10 pounds. On the surface, I, too, would love to lose that much in such a short amount of time, but I don't ever want to live through her ordeal. She starves herself and weighs herself religiously. I do not ever want to be so tied to food or the scale again. I've done it before and it makes me miserable!

So, what do I do with all of these feelings? I take them to the Lord. I recognize that my feelings may be valid, but they are not Truth.

• The Truth of the Lord is that I am free in Christ, whether I ever lose another pound or not.
• The Truth of the Lord is that my value is found in Christ alone, my Redeemer.
• The Truth of the Lord is that I have not been 100% submissive to Him in eating or body image idolatry.
• The Truth of the Lord is that I need balance and peace from Him in order to live a healthy (spiritually, physically and mentally) life.
• The Truth of the Lord is that He knows how all of this ends.
• The Truth of the Lord is that I can mess up, be wrong and even sin and He still loves me.
• The Truth of the Lord is that He knew I would go through this season of life before He created me.
• The Truth of the Lord is that if I take my eyes off of Him I have no direction, guidance, wisdom or ability other than what the world has bombarded my puny little brain with.
• The Truth of the Lord is that He has a plan for me to prosper me and nor harm me, to give me a hope and a future.
• The Truth of the Lord is that this body is not my own. I was bought at a price. I am only a steward (manager) of what God has given me.
• The Truth of the Lord is that my body is a Temple of the Holy spirit.
• The Truth of the Lord is that Christ lives in me.
• The Truth of the Lord is that focusing on His truth is the only way that I will successfully overcome sin and be transformed into His image.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for giving me these few little moments to focus on Truth. Help me to flee from temptation and focus on You.

Thin Within meeting #2

I apparently didn't understand the set-up for my TW meetings, so I'm a week behind.

When we agreed to meet every other week I thought that it meant we would do one week of homework over 2 weeks of calendar time. Oops! I guess we're doing the homework daily, but only meeting every two weeks. so, I should be starting week 4, but I still have week 3 to work on. I'll have to play catch-up!

I'm most excited that God has opened my mind up to memorizing Scripture. When I was a teenager I memorized all kinds of things, but I've let that skill lag in recent years. I do have the first 3 verses down. Yay!

Week 2 in TW workbook 1 focuses on God's goodness and that fact that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Each day we work through exercises and Bible verses that emphasize these truths.

I think I'm doing pretty well with the topic of God's goodness and I see how important it is to reinforce this truth at an early stage in the process. If I don't believe that God is good, then I won't trust Him to change me for the better.

I still tend to view my body as my own (and, therefore, choose to do whatever I want with it), so I'm thankful for the emphasis on my body being God's temple, bought by Him to give Him glory.

There are three parts to the workbook: the workbook itself, a daily "journal" and a sheet of cards with the Bible verses to facilitate memorization. In the journal during the first two weeks there is a section to write out the memory verse, and a section to write about what God is showing me. Beginning in the third week there is space for a food journal - writing down my hunger number before I began eating, what I ate, my number afterwards and how I felt while eating. I am cautiously and prayerfully participating in the food journal. I have only done food journaling in the past to count calories and I am concerned that I will become obsessive about it and choose not to eat a times so I don't feel guilty for writing it down. It's crazy! I know it can be a helpful tool as long as I let God lead. Otherwise, I'm throwing it out the window.

Memory verse for week 3: Galatians 2.20 (written TW style)
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Sweet.

gummies and pasta

I love candy gummies. I don't know if it's because of the texture or that I just like having something to chew on. Gummies are a happy food for me. There's no nutrition, of course. It's mainly colored and slightly colored corn syrup. The fun for me is in the chew and in the shape.



Monday night after a long day at work I stopped by the Trader Joe's and I saw they had penguin gummies. I was pretty excited and I jumped on the impulse-buy wagon. I was a little disappointed to see that they aren't really penguin-shaped, more like ghost-shaped with a squishy belly. Actually, they remind me of the McDonald's character, Grimace.



It was a small bag. I had a few on Monday. Then, Tuesday morning after a tough spinning class I ate the rest of them while waiting for my regular food to cook. I said to my husband, "Oh, I spent all of my hunger on gummies!" I took my regular food to work. Waste not want not.



I was surprised to be filled by gummies. That has never before happened in my life. It sure wasn't a "whole-body pleaser" but I was able to recognize full after eating them. Huh. Go figure.



I spent a few years avoiding certain foods at all cost because I felt I had no control/will power over them. Some that come to mind are: white bread (I would eat half the loaf in toast form in one sitting), corn flakes (I could finish a box in a day), ice cream (ya, I've finished a carton in a day) and pasta. Pasta was one of those soft, easily made, easily consumed foods that disappeared before I blinked twice. Plus, once I realized how many calories were in a tiny little serving, I decided it wasn't worth it.



I don't buy pasta very often now and I tend to measure it out if I'm going to eat it. Today, for some reason, I decided to prepare the whole bag and have it for lunches/dinners to take to work. I'll admit that I ate past a 5, but I ate so much less than what would have filled me in the past. I think I was full on 2 servings, rather than the 6 or so that I would have had previously. I think God is teaching me to change my eating, and so changing my fullness levels.



I wonder... does that mean I'll be able to healthfully consume other previously taboo foods? I may cautiously try.



I've been seriously putting off Bible study this week. I don't work tomorrow, so I plan to make some definite quality time for study of the Word and prayer. I miss it!

Instant gratification or discipline?

I do a lot of deep thinking in the shower. How about you?

The other day I was thinking about having to give up certain things in my life if I wanted to add in other things. I threw myself a little pity party right there in the shower and thought that I don't want to give up my activities, my independence, my happiness...blah, blah, blah.

I realized that I'd be ok if those things were taken from me, but I for sure don't want to have to lay them down and walk away. You see, if they are taken from me, then I am the victim and I can shift the blame outwardly. If I choose to give something up I have no one to look to but myself if my choices make me unhappy. Man! I am like that all of the time. I am not very good at living out Romans 12.1:

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.

What I want is instant gratification ALL OF THE TIME, but I know fully that the blessing is not found in gratifying the flesh continually. Below is a link to a youtube video about kids, marshmallows and instant gratification:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amsqeYOk--w&feature=related

God pointed me today to Hebrews 12. I have a serious need to do a deep study of verses 1-13. It's all about discipline in the Christian walk. The one thing that gets us through it is looking at Jesus, contemplating Him who is our perfect example and complete provider.

I'll work on this passage and post on it later.

Exercise

I go to the YMCA for exercise (especially in the summer months when it's too hot here to be outside). My favorite class is Zumba - dance aerobics with Latin dance music. I also do spinning, kick boxing and yoga depending on when I have free time during the week. I don't do very well on the machines. I get really bored really fast. I'm looking forward to cooler weather so I can get out and jog or cycle.

I used to hate, hate, hate exercise. About 8 years ago I got to a point with my weight where I was totally disgusted with myself. I resolved to lose weight. I decided to put myself on a 2000 calorie diet (because that's what "they" always say is a good amount) and to exercise everyday. I was in school full-time (my last semester) and was working full-time at McDonald's. I counted calories diligently (I now know the caloric content of every menu item at McD). I was pretty tired every day but I urged myself to exercise even just 20 minutes per day. I didn't want to go to the gym or be in public, so I started my own aerobic dancing in my basement apartment (thank God it was the basement!). Doing 20 minutes was so hard at times. I even knew how many songs on certain CDs added up to 20 minutes and rarely went past it.

In some ways it was a good semester. I lost 25 pounds that I have never regained. On the other hand, I was a slave to the calorie numbers. Sometimes I felt starved for more. Other times I ate when I wasn't hungry just because I had extra calories to spare. It's an obsessive place to be in.

I had an even more obsessive time about 4 years ago which was successful for only about 4 months and all of the weight quickly returned.

I'm thankful that the Lord has taught and grown me into a person that doesn't have to calorie count everything (although I still have a very strong tendency towards that) and I exercise if I want and if I have time. No more beating myself up for not exercising. Well, I'm not totally free of it yet. Is it possible to be free-er?

In my yoga class the last couple of weeks the instructor has asked us to "send positive energy" to her daughter who has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. It makes me cry. I don't know what "positive energy" is or what it is supposed to do. However, I DO KNOW the King of the universe and He loves her so. I pray for them to know Jesus and for Him to get all of the glory for any successful treatment that she may get. I can't remember the daughter's name, but her mom is Gladys if you'd like to pray for her.

What a privilege! To know the Maker of all heaven and earth!

Psalm 8 (Amplified)

1 O LORD, our Lord, how excellent (majestic and glorious) is Your name in all the earth! You have set Your glory on [or above] the heavens.
2 Out of the mouths of babes and unweaned infants You have established strength because of Your foes, that You might silence the enemy and the avenger.
3 When I view and consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained and established,
4 What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of [earthborn] man that You care for him?
5 Yet You have made him but a little lower than God [or heavenly beings], and You have crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet:
7 All sheep and oxen, yes, and the beasts of the field,
8 The birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatever passes along the paths of the seas.
9 O Lord, our Lord, how excellent (majestic and glorious) is Your name in all the earth!

Psalm 115:15

May you be blessed by the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Do you not know?

I'm working through week 2 of the Thin Within workbook #1. Each week there is a Bible verse to memorize. I have been so lax during most of my Christian walk about memorizing Scripture. I am really trying to focus on it now.

The verse for last week was from Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things. Do not dwell in the past. See - I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

That's a good thing to remember! God is the great "I am". He is the present. He lives in the present and call me/us to do the same.

The verse from this week is from 1 Corinthians 6.19-20
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God in your body.

(I tried to type those by memory, I'm still lacking a little in the second one).

This verse is a great truth. Once I gave my life to Christ (I gave - a completed action that I performed in the past), it is no longer my own (not that it really ever was). If I give something up, I can no longer lay claim to it.

I cannot claim my own rights or say that I deserve anything. I know what I do deserve and it is a gracious and merciful thing that God isn't giving it to me!

So, if I have a hard day at work do I have the right to eat with abandon? This life is no longer mine. I am not the Master of this house. I ought not think that I can just do anything with it. It is the Lord's temple. I am so limited in my puny human mind to think that I know the ultimate best for me. I know very little! Praise God that He always has my best at heart (His best being Himself)!

I was thinking about my 'rights' the other day. can I really lay claim to any right at all? I don't have a right to owning a house or a car; I don't have a right to a university education or a good job (or any job at all!); nor do I have the right to do as I please whenever I please. And yet, the world I live in tells me I have the right to these things and so many more!

I'm even told in the Declaration of Independence that my Creator has given certain unalienable rights: to live, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. There is nowhere in Bible where the Lord God of the universe gives me these rights (if I'm wrong, please correct me). I don't have the right to life, life is a gift from the Lord (Romans 5.12-21). I certainly don't have the right to freedom. My freedom is in Christ alone - a gift from Him when He freed me from my bondage to sin (Galatians 5.1). And how can I pursue joy or happiness apart from the Lord?

The only right that I count on is the right that was gifted to me by the Father:
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12)

What a glorious gift and right that I can lay claim to! I am a child of God! I will let Him guide me in the details.

first Thin Within meeting!

Last night I had my first get-together with a local gal who is also going through the Thin Within workbook #1!

I'm super excited about it. She is the first person that I've ever met face-to-face who knows the TW book, program and The Lord's Table. Also, she's a believer (I started by typing "of course", but really there's no assuming anything). It was so great because we can use the lingo and know exactly what we're talking about.

I'm glad to have someone to go through it with so I can have some accountability. I think I talked her head off, though - poor lady! :)

I especially like the importance that the workbook puts on Scripture memorization. I even memorized the first one! I used to try to memorize a lot, but I've become lazy and complacent in that discipline over the years. I'm glad I have a motivation to try again.

Today my husband and I prepped dinner for a foreign student Bible study at ASU. I don't get to attend with him because I have to work :( I made some Cuban food, I hope they enjoy it. In the process, however, I sliced up my thumb pretty terribly. Not bad enough to warrant stitches, but it hurts and I should get a tetanus shot...lock jaw will do me no good!

The Shack

I started reading "The Shack" this week on recommendation from a friend. I've heard mixed reviews, but most have been positive. I have to admit, up until now I mostly like it.

For sure, it is an analogy and any analogy of what/who/how God is will be imperfect. This book is being likened to "Pilgrim's Progress". I've met some people who like it (I loved it, but analogies work really well for me) and some people who don't. The things I like most about "The Shack" have less to do with the analogies and more to do with explanations.

I think the book does a really good job explaining good versus evil, light verses dark, and the importance of relationship with God and in the Body of believers.

I can see how a lot of people wouldn't like the book. It questions the reader's understanding of Who God is (big white bearded man in the sky?), the difference between religion and relationship and our role in the community of believers.

Again, I can't expect this book to be perfect, because it was written by a human, but I think it brings up many good points. An every time it talks about God's love it takes my breath away.

I'm not finished yet, but I've been zooming through it. I imagine I will finish it soon.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maybe it's because I've been reading this book (it's causing me to think about and deal with some sin issues that are uncomfortable)... this week I have been so grumpy. And sad. I snapped at my husband last night, which I've really never done before (not bad for 15 months of marriage). I know that I have been needing to dive head-first into some truth, but I just haven't wanted to.

Instead, I've wanted to console myself with food (I think I snapped at my husband after he took the chips away from me) and anesthetize myself with TV and sleep (I went to bed at 8 pm last night).

The truth is: I've got to get over myself. I've got to focus on the Lord rather than on me. Only then will I be satisfied and only then will I be free.