And the Lord saw me through it :)
It was busy and I wasn't in the Word as much as I needed to be and I felt the lack. Now, thank God, I have less demands and more time to spend on what matters most.
My ladies' Bible study is now going through "The Search for Significance" (I had done the study alone at the beginning of the year). We were talking about some of God's attributes as well as the things that God says about us that are true. For example, we talked of His righteousness and that He made us righteous. He will not take away our righteousness that He has chosen to freely give us. I started thinking about the other things that he WON'T take away and I was reminded of this post of yours. It's such a good reminder of who He is! Also, it's good to know what He does do, what He can do so I can also know what He can't do. He can't be unloving toward me. He can't, because that's not His nature and His nature is immutable. He can't make mistakes because He is all-powerful. He can't wait to figure out how to solve a problem later because He is all-knowing. He can't be taken apart, becuase He is unity. Amazing.
I've been confronted a lot recently with questions and condemnation about my faith in God and in Jesus as the Christ. While much of faith is belief without sight, I know that the Lord made me an intelligent, rational being who is capable of investigating and examining the facts and coming to a conclusion. There is one thing that I can't get past with those who do not believe that God exists. If we are all there is and we don't need God, then why don't I meet more caring, joyful, at peace, not angry, unconditionally loving people who believe that God doesn't exist? Why do they all appear (to me, in my limited sight and understanding) so be versions of the angry, sarcastic, self-focused person that I used to be before I knew God? Others ask me to prove God exists by my behavior, I guess I would ask them to prove that He doesn't by theirs.
19 October 2010
23 September 2010
Sukkot - Feast of Booths
Last month my husband and I started taking a class called "Discovering Judaism" at a local temple. I am enjoying it immensely. I've had a few Christian friends wonder why I'm not doing it at a Messianic temple. Honestly, sometimes I feel a little condemned. Well, the main reason is that this class is being offered at a Reform Jewish temple. I take it where I can.
My motivation for taking the class at all is to learn about Judaism. I go to a church (like many) which is heavy on the New Testament. Jesus is a Jew. He celebrated their holidays and followed their customs. I want to know more about Him, so I want to learn more about Judaism. I want to understand the New Testament better, so I want to learn more about the Old Testament. Also, I like learning abou other people and customs. It helps me understand them better and value them more.
This class that I'm taking is for anyone interested, but it especially serves as a basis for those seeking conversion to Judaism (most frequently due to a relationship with a person who is Jewish). The class meets weekly-ish and we have books to read and events to attend. I've learned something fun a new every time and I hope to journal out more of it here.
Last night I attened the first night of Sukkot service. This is the Feast of Booths/Tabernacles/Ingathering, depending on the translation. This was a huge holiday in Jesus' time (during the existence of the Temple in Jerusalem). It come right on the heels of the most solemn days in the Jewish calendar known as the "Days of Awe" or the "High Holy Days" which include Rosh Hashanna (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). These are days of self-refelction and contemplation. After all of the seriousness, they celebrate Sukkot - a week of thanksgiving, joy and rest. It serves to give thanks for the harvest. In remembrance of their agricultural past, they build little sukkot, "booths" or shacks, outside that offer some shade and shelter, but are frail, just like farmers would build near their fields for shelter during the laborious task of harvesting.
At the brief service last night, the congegation first had a picnic outside of the temple next to their sukkah (singular of sukkot). They then sang songs in Hebrew, including part of the Hallel (Psalms 113-188), which is normally read during this time of year. The Rabbi talked about how one of the songs is a prayer to God asking Him to provide us with "sukkah shalom" - shelter of peace. He quoted another rabbi who thought that this referred to the fact that the building of peace is fragile and must be continually worked at. I was thinking that maybe it's reminiscent of those of us who follow the Lord - we live in these frail bodies and we need Him to complete us with His peace ("shalom" comes from a root word meaning "complete" - I'll save my amazment about that for another entry).
There was one song in particular last night that I'd like to know the meaning to. All of the songs were in Hebrew and I guess that's great for those who went to Hebrew school as a kid. The temple also offers Hebrew classes for adults and I hope to take it the next time they star a beginners class :)
***Disclaimer: In the rare event that anyone actually reads this and sees some fault in my understanding of Jweish belief or culture, please forgive me and correct me. I write nothing out of ill-will.
My motivation for taking the class at all is to learn about Judaism. I go to a church (like many) which is heavy on the New Testament. Jesus is a Jew. He celebrated their holidays and followed their customs. I want to know more about Him, so I want to learn more about Judaism. I want to understand the New Testament better, so I want to learn more about the Old Testament. Also, I like learning abou other people and customs. It helps me understand them better and value them more.
This class that I'm taking is for anyone interested, but it especially serves as a basis for those seeking conversion to Judaism (most frequently due to a relationship with a person who is Jewish). The class meets weekly-ish and we have books to read and events to attend. I've learned something fun a new every time and I hope to journal out more of it here.
Last night I attened the first night of Sukkot service. This is the Feast of Booths/Tabernacles/Ingathering, depending on the translation. This was a huge holiday in Jesus' time (during the existence of the Temple in Jerusalem). It come right on the heels of the most solemn days in the Jewish calendar known as the "Days of Awe" or the "High Holy Days" which include Rosh Hashanna (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). These are days of self-refelction and contemplation. After all of the seriousness, they celebrate Sukkot - a week of thanksgiving, joy and rest. It serves to give thanks for the harvest. In remembrance of their agricultural past, they build little sukkot, "booths" or shacks, outside that offer some shade and shelter, but are frail, just like farmers would build near their fields for shelter during the laborious task of harvesting.
At the brief service last night, the congegation first had a picnic outside of the temple next to their sukkah (singular of sukkot). They then sang songs in Hebrew, including part of the Hallel (Psalms 113-188), which is normally read during this time of year. The Rabbi talked about how one of the songs is a prayer to God asking Him to provide us with "sukkah shalom" - shelter of peace. He quoted another rabbi who thought that this referred to the fact that the building of peace is fragile and must be continually worked at. I was thinking that maybe it's reminiscent of those of us who follow the Lord - we live in these frail bodies and we need Him to complete us with His peace ("shalom" comes from a root word meaning "complete" - I'll save my amazment about that for another entry).
There was one song in particular last night that I'd like to know the meaning to. All of the songs were in Hebrew and I guess that's great for those who went to Hebrew school as a kid. The temple also offers Hebrew classes for adults and I hope to take it the next time they star a beginners class :)
***Disclaimer: In the rare event that anyone actually reads this and sees some fault in my understanding of Jweish belief or culture, please forgive me and correct me. I write nothing out of ill-will.
06 August 2010
You are God!
You are God!
Most high of the heavens
Creator of all things
Provider of good
Lover of my soul!
You both create and allow circumstances
You let us make our own decisions
For our good and for our bad
For Your glory and for man's
We are hurting, Lord!
We are needy
Destitute, even
Our comfort is gone
Good times are fleeting
Over and over again we choose ourselves
We choose flesh and decay over You
The One who is eternal
Who was and is and will be
We are hurting, Lord!
We hurt ourselves
We hurt each other
And our ever-present foe decimates us
You are the source of all wisdom
All glory and honor are Yours!
You are the source of all good
And your Love never fails.
Ever.
We are hurting, Lord!
Because we don't cry out to You
In our pride we seek power
Our individualism incapacitates us
From loving You and loving others.
We are hurting, Lord!
And You allow it.
You orchestrate it, even.
What will we do in this pain?
Will we go to You?
Be comforted in Your Truth?
Or will be try to fix it ourselves?
Will we hurt another to feel better?
We are hurting, Lord!
I wish I could assuage the pain.
I wish that a word or a look or an act were enough
But You alone are sufficient
And You are all-sufficient
You are God!
You are God!
I love You!
I submit to You!
and I rest in You.
Most high of the heavens
Creator of all things
Provider of good
Lover of my soul!
You both create and allow circumstances
You let us make our own decisions
For our good and for our bad
For Your glory and for man's
We are hurting, Lord!
We are needy
Destitute, even
Our comfort is gone
Good times are fleeting
Over and over again we choose ourselves
We choose flesh and decay over You
The One who is eternal
Who was and is and will be
We are hurting, Lord!
We hurt ourselves
We hurt each other
And our ever-present foe decimates us
You are the source of all wisdom
All glory and honor are Yours!
You are the source of all good
And your Love never fails.
Ever.
We are hurting, Lord!
Because we don't cry out to You
In our pride we seek power
Our individualism incapacitates us
From loving You and loving others.
We are hurting, Lord!
And You allow it.
You orchestrate it, even.
What will we do in this pain?
Will we go to You?
Be comforted in Your Truth?
Or will be try to fix it ourselves?
Will we hurt another to feel better?
We are hurting, Lord!
I wish I could assuage the pain.
I wish that a word or a look or an act were enough
But You alone are sufficient
And You are all-sufficient
You are God!
You are God!
I love You!
I submit to You!
and I rest in You.
04 August 2010
Article from Relevant Magazine
This article is about the topic of gluttony. While it does include some facts, it is mainly an op/ed piece (as are most of the articles on this site). I am thankful that they chose to cover this subject, as it is a sin that I deal with daily.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/22316-is-gluttony-destroying-the-world
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/22316-is-gluttony-destroying-the-world
16 July 2010
Angry, fearful and needy
I started this online journal a couple of years ago because I felt I needed a place to write and I didn't really want to have a written, hard-copy journal (fear that someone would find it and read it!). Now, I sometimes I'm afraid of writing here, I mean, this is open to the entire world!
sigh.
So what am I afraid of? Of being found out? Of people knowing that I'm needy/angry/scared/imperfect? I've had people tell me that I don't appear scared, but the truth is that I'm afraid all of the time. I'm afraid of not being good enough (for others, for myself). I know that this fear is rooted in the fact that I don't believe that what God says about me is True. I don't believe that I can do all things through Him who gives me the strength to do them. I don't believe that my body is a holy temple of God - or that I myself am holy. I don't believe that I am worthy to be His servant. This list goes on and on.
I don't believe those things because I choose to believe the lies that I hear in the world. I choose to believe that I'm a hypocrite for saying one thing and doing another. I believe I'm a failure because I failed once again. I believe I'm stupid, irresponsible, unworthy, useless and have no capacity for love or compassion.
When I believe those things I get angry. I get angry at myself because I'm not good enough. I get angry at myself for believing lies. I get angry at others for judging me (real or imagined judgment). I get angry a God for not being my wish-fulfilling genie.
When I get angry, I get sad. When I remain (abide) in that fear, anger and sadness I get depressed.
Depression sucks.
Then, I finally realize that I'm needy. I need to be able to get out of bed. I need to stop focusing on myself. I need to stop crying. I need someone who pull me out, stand me up, clean me off and get me on my way.
I'm certainly not patient, but David's Psalm 40 comes to mind (verses 1-4):
I realize that I am needy of a Savior. To save me from myself. To save me from my "stinking thinking". someone to whom I can go and be renewed.
Romans 12:1-2
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
When will I learn, Lord? When will I be able to stop the pity party before it even starts? When will I be able to love others and have compassion for them? Come quickly, Lord Jesus, because I need some serious rescuing!
sigh.
So what am I afraid of? Of being found out? Of people knowing that I'm needy/angry/scared/imperfect? I've had people tell me that I don't appear scared, but the truth is that I'm afraid all of the time. I'm afraid of not being good enough (for others, for myself). I know that this fear is rooted in the fact that I don't believe that what God says about me is True. I don't believe that I can do all things through Him who gives me the strength to do them. I don't believe that my body is a holy temple of God - or that I myself am holy. I don't believe that I am worthy to be His servant. This list goes on and on.
I don't believe those things because I choose to believe the lies that I hear in the world. I choose to believe that I'm a hypocrite for saying one thing and doing another. I believe I'm a failure because I failed once again. I believe I'm stupid, irresponsible, unworthy, useless and have no capacity for love or compassion.
When I believe those things I get angry. I get angry at myself because I'm not good enough. I get angry at myself for believing lies. I get angry at others for judging me (real or imagined judgment). I get angry a God for not being my wish-fulfilling genie.
When I get angry, I get sad. When I remain (abide) in that fear, anger and sadness I get depressed.
Depression sucks.
Then, I finally realize that I'm needy. I need to be able to get out of bed. I need to stop focusing on myself. I need to stop crying. I need someone who pull me out, stand me up, clean me off and get me on my way.
I'm certainly not patient, but David's Psalm 40 comes to mind (verses 1-4):
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
I realize that I am needy of a Savior. To save me from myself. To save me from my "stinking thinking". someone to whom I can go and be renewed.
Romans 12:1-2
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
When will I learn, Lord? When will I be able to stop the pity party before it even starts? When will I be able to love others and have compassion for them? Come quickly, Lord Jesus, because I need some serious rescuing!
12 July 2010
Lord and King
I found the following blog this morning. The author includes a bit of one of his sermons. The topic has to do with Israel's desire for a king - a god-like king who would rule over them and take them victoriously into battle. I especially like how he writes "But the Bible tells us you don’t need a god-like king when you have a king-like God."
http://thepursuitofmanhood.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog
http://thepursuitofmanhood.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog
Consistency
I've come to realize that many of my areas of sin and struggle are directly related to a lack of consistency in my life. I previously had major issues with male authority and marriage until I realized that they stemmed from the lack of a consistent father-figure in my life. I hated the notion of "submission" because I had never seen it practiced in a consistent, loving fashion. I have spun my wheels in various areas of spiritual growth because I have chosen not to be consistent in my time with the Lord over these matters.
I was reminded this morning that the life that I now live is one of discipleship. It's not a class. I don't have a bunch of assignments to check off and turn in. I'm not just looking for a passing grade. This is life-long and I have a very demanding Rabbi that I sit under. Well, not TOO demanding - in fact, He does most of the work for me. I just have to make the choice to submit to Him. In everything. Always.
Why do I continue to struggle? When will I give up on having "my way"? When will I decide that His way is best?
Lord, I am tired of fighting myself! I know it's disobedience. I know I need refining. I know one of your goals for me is my sanctification. Help me to stop thrashing against you. Help me rest. Help me trust. You are so kind, so merciful, so gracious, so loving - there's no superlative strong enough to describe your goodness! Without you I am at a total loss. Without you I am totally unable to choose you. I don't even know what I need or what's good for me! Show me your way. Thank you for blessing me and for your discipline!
He loves me!!!
I was reminded this morning that the life that I now live is one of discipleship. It's not a class. I don't have a bunch of assignments to check off and turn in. I'm not just looking for a passing grade. This is life-long and I have a very demanding Rabbi that I sit under. Well, not TOO demanding - in fact, He does most of the work for me. I just have to make the choice to submit to Him. In everything. Always.
Why do I continue to struggle? When will I give up on having "my way"? When will I decide that His way is best?
Lord, I am tired of fighting myself! I know it's disobedience. I know I need refining. I know one of your goals for me is my sanctification. Help me to stop thrashing against you. Help me rest. Help me trust. You are so kind, so merciful, so gracious, so loving - there's no superlative strong enough to describe your goodness! Without you I am at a total loss. Without you I am totally unable to choose you. I don't even know what I need or what's good for me! Show me your way. Thank you for blessing me and for your discipline!
He loves me!!!
10 July 2010
Goal: God-given natual size?
I've had an epiphany of sorts about the place of weight loss in my life, Thin Within and my desire to be a continual disciple of Christ.
The other week on Heidi's "God is doing a new thing" blog I understood in a new way that my overall goal ought to be "discipleship" and not weight loss. On day 3 of the Thin Within book, the reader is suggested to set some goals for the month of study including a weight loss goal, a health goal and a goal relating to our walk with the Lord. Heidi and others have pointed out how the first goal, in particular, can derail our focus, changing it from the Lord and putting it onto our body size. If I am a follower of Jesus, then my goal ought to be to become more like Him, to be His disciple and to submit to His leading in my life. Being at a healthy weight would just be an added bonus. Discipleship is a life-long process and does not focus on any one study, book, program, retreat or short-term, terrestrial desire.
Here's where I come to my personal epiphany. While I understand that, yes, one of the outcomes of this study may be that I shrink down to my God-given natural size, that is not the end goal. It's not like I'll slip on smaller pants and declare, "I've arrived!" And, while I know that this is the message that Heidi and others have been emphasizing for so long, I've still be focused on this end goal of "shrinking down to my God-given natural size". Maybe it's because it's been repeated so much in the books and on-line. Maybe it's just my poor, fleshly understanding. Whatever the cause I have got to throw that out because I see it hindering me.
This IS discipleship. This is not a question of stopping once I've reached some physical goal. I have to stop thinking about reaching my God-given natural size as some end point. It's just not about that. So, from here on out I am choosing to not make that part of my study, purpose or plan. If it happens, amen! If not, my goal and focus (the Lord) never changes. Never ever. He is worthy of all of my time, all of my focus and all of my effort. He is the only One who loves me despite my sin and faults. He is the only One who can make any kind of change in me. He is kind, loving, graceful and forgiving.
I've recently been shown anew how wretched, hateful, prideful and condemning I can be to others. He taught me this in a very merciful way (nearly anonymously) and I can't be more grateful. It was a lesson that I so needed to learn and His grace is abundant. Because of this goodness towards me, I am even more eager to throw off anything that hinders me (even if it's meant to be good) so I can follow Him closely.
I feel so free and so indebted to the One who freed me.
The other week on Heidi's "God is doing a new thing" blog I understood in a new way that my overall goal ought to be "discipleship" and not weight loss. On day 3 of the Thin Within book, the reader is suggested to set some goals for the month of study including a weight loss goal, a health goal and a goal relating to our walk with the Lord. Heidi and others have pointed out how the first goal, in particular, can derail our focus, changing it from the Lord and putting it onto our body size. If I am a follower of Jesus, then my goal ought to be to become more like Him, to be His disciple and to submit to His leading in my life. Being at a healthy weight would just be an added bonus. Discipleship is a life-long process and does not focus on any one study, book, program, retreat or short-term, terrestrial desire.
Here's where I come to my personal epiphany. While I understand that, yes, one of the outcomes of this study may be that I shrink down to my God-given natural size, that is not the end goal. It's not like I'll slip on smaller pants and declare, "I've arrived!" And, while I know that this is the message that Heidi and others have been emphasizing for so long, I've still be focused on this end goal of "shrinking down to my God-given natural size". Maybe it's because it's been repeated so much in the books and on-line. Maybe it's just my poor, fleshly understanding. Whatever the cause I have got to throw that out because I see it hindering me.
This IS discipleship. This is not a question of stopping once I've reached some physical goal. I have to stop thinking about reaching my God-given natural size as some end point. It's just not about that. So, from here on out I am choosing to not make that part of my study, purpose or plan. If it happens, amen! If not, my goal and focus (the Lord) never changes. Never ever. He is worthy of all of my time, all of my focus and all of my effort. He is the only One who loves me despite my sin and faults. He is the only One who can make any kind of change in me. He is kind, loving, graceful and forgiving.
I've recently been shown anew how wretched, hateful, prideful and condemning I can be to others. He taught me this in a very merciful way (nearly anonymously) and I can't be more grateful. It was a lesson that I so needed to learn and His grace is abundant. Because of this goodness towards me, I am even more eager to throw off anything that hinders me (even if it's meant to be good) so I can follow Him closely.
I feel so free and so indebted to the One who freed me.
09 July 2010
"Relevant" article
This links to an article in "Relevant" magazine about food/body issues within the church.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/22198-starving-yourself-for-love
We need some grace! I have got to be the first, as the Lord calls, to share His love and grace with others who deal with these areas of sin and lies. I can't wait for someone else to do it. It's an epidemic!
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/22198-starving-yourself-for-love
We need some grace! I have got to be the first, as the Lord calls, to share His love and grace with others who deal with these areas of sin and lies. I can't wait for someone else to do it. It's an epidemic!
23 June 2010
Fear!!
Why am I still so afraid!?!
What could I do if I lived free of fear?!?
What could God use me for if I wasn't so afraid all of the time?
The thing is, I've come to realize that I fear so many things. They aren't big fears. They are phobias. They don't paralyze me, but they do render me distracted, ineffective and sometimes useless.
Last summer I went though an online study of Thin Within. I lost some weight, and I learned a lot about myself, but I held many things back. I didn't trust myself. Truly, I didn't trust God. I continued counting calories. It was a way to push my limits - rather than eat between hunger and fullness I ate to a caloric number. I let arbitrary man-made numbers control my eating rather than the signals from the body that God gave me.
I've had a real sense of worry, maybe even anxiety, lately and that has helped feed my fears and discontetment. I'm not even entirely sure what the root is and that's the frustrating part. Until I have that revelation I can't do anything about it. I have to sit with my feelings (they aren't bad, just not truthful) and deal with it however the Lord tells me. Lat night He told me that I ought not deal with thm by eating chocolate chips. I'm justified in eating a few, small, tiny chocolate chips, right? It won't hurt. "But it won't help, either," said the Lord in my spirit. So, I put them back in the freezer.
Where does that leave me? I have to choose to rest in God's provision, healing and timing. Treading water and spinning my wheels isn't going to get me any closer or any freer and will just leave me tired.
And I am so tired. I think I'm holding the fear and anxiety (of what!?) in my body and it leave me sore - really, acutally physically sore.
Lord, I don't want to be afraid. Show me what my fear is so I can give it over to you! In the meantime, help me remember that you are my source of strength, wisdom and perseverance. For you, only you, is the glory. Amen.
What could I do if I lived free of fear?!?
What could God use me for if I wasn't so afraid all of the time?
The thing is, I've come to realize that I fear so many things. They aren't big fears. They are phobias. They don't paralyze me, but they do render me distracted, ineffective and sometimes useless.
Last summer I went though an online study of Thin Within. I lost some weight, and I learned a lot about myself, but I held many things back. I didn't trust myself. Truly, I didn't trust God. I continued counting calories. It was a way to push my limits - rather than eat between hunger and fullness I ate to a caloric number. I let arbitrary man-made numbers control my eating rather than the signals from the body that God gave me.
I've had a real sense of worry, maybe even anxiety, lately and that has helped feed my fears and discontetment. I'm not even entirely sure what the root is and that's the frustrating part. Until I have that revelation I can't do anything about it. I have to sit with my feelings (they aren't bad, just not truthful) and deal with it however the Lord tells me. Lat night He told me that I ought not deal with thm by eating chocolate chips. I'm justified in eating a few, small, tiny chocolate chips, right? It won't hurt. "But it won't help, either," said the Lord in my spirit. So, I put them back in the freezer.
Where does that leave me? I have to choose to rest in God's provision, healing and timing. Treading water and spinning my wheels isn't going to get me any closer or any freer and will just leave me tired.
And I am so tired. I think I'm holding the fear and anxiety (of what!?) in my body and it leave me sore - really, acutally physically sore.
Lord, I don't want to be afraid. Show me what my fear is so I can give it over to you! In the meantime, help me remember that you are my source of strength, wisdom and perseverance. For you, only you, is the glory. Amen.
16 June 2010
The treatment for discontentment
Sometimes the Lord makes me laugh!
I was on the light rail train coming into work this morning and I was talking to God telling Him how thankful I am for my husband, my safety and His provision of the train so I can get to work. I laughed when I realized that everything I was thankful for happened in response to something being taken away from me.
Last night I went shopping for new pants for work (this is not the time of year, nor the place, to look for long pants). I've looked at many stores over the last couple of weeks and finally found something appropriate. It was more than I wanted to spend, but God had already provided a generous birthday gift that I used to pay for them. My focus was trousers, but everywhere around me was the allure of other pretty clothes. I found myself feeling discontent for not having the money (or the body) to buy said clothes.
On my way home, my car overheated. I have had a long history of car problems. The car I have is now 14 years old and I'm aware that problems come with age. I was able to safely make it onto a residential street. I called my husband and he came out to get me. We called AAA and had it towed to a garage near our home. Due to my long history of car issues, I begin feeling anxious when I have to deal with car breakdowns. I was so thankful to be able to lean on my husband this time! I am totally capable to calling AAA and having a car towed on my own (I've done it a ton!) but it's so nice to know that I'm not alone.
I live about 15 miles from my job. About 18 months ago my city started running a light rail train system. Now, we aren't really known for our public transportation and it's not fun waiting for a bus or the train when it's 100 + degrees, but the system is there and functioning. The train runs right near my work, but, onthe other end, it's a few miles from my home. So, my husband drops me off at the train stop. I have to leave for work almost 30 minutes earlier, but I can still get to work and that's what's important.
Going back to my prayer this morning, I realized that I was thankful for blessings that I never would have received had my car not broken down. I wondered if God thought, "Yvonne, you're discontent with what I've given you? How will you respond if I take it away?" Much of my response has been thankful - praise the Lord! I've also responded with some anxiousness and I swallowed my dinner whole last night because I was focused on my feelings rather than on the food. Those are areas to observe and correct in the future. I'm just thankful that I didn't use the situation to throw myself into a pit of despair (or the bottom of an ice cream carton).
Sometimes it's so good when the Lord takes something away.
I was on the light rail train coming into work this morning and I was talking to God telling Him how thankful I am for my husband, my safety and His provision of the train so I can get to work. I laughed when I realized that everything I was thankful for happened in response to something being taken away from me.
Last night I went shopping for new pants for work (this is not the time of year, nor the place, to look for long pants). I've looked at many stores over the last couple of weeks and finally found something appropriate. It was more than I wanted to spend, but God had already provided a generous birthday gift that I used to pay for them. My focus was trousers, but everywhere around me was the allure of other pretty clothes. I found myself feeling discontent for not having the money (or the body) to buy said clothes.
On my way home, my car overheated. I have had a long history of car problems. The car I have is now 14 years old and I'm aware that problems come with age. I was able to safely make it onto a residential street. I called my husband and he came out to get me. We called AAA and had it towed to a garage near our home. Due to my long history of car issues, I begin feeling anxious when I have to deal with car breakdowns. I was so thankful to be able to lean on my husband this time! I am totally capable to calling AAA and having a car towed on my own (I've done it a ton!) but it's so nice to know that I'm not alone.
I live about 15 miles from my job. About 18 months ago my city started running a light rail train system. Now, we aren't really known for our public transportation and it's not fun waiting for a bus or the train when it's 100 + degrees, but the system is there and functioning. The train runs right near my work, but, onthe other end, it's a few miles from my home. So, my husband drops me off at the train stop. I have to leave for work almost 30 minutes earlier, but I can still get to work and that's what's important.
Going back to my prayer this morning, I realized that I was thankful for blessings that I never would have received had my car not broken down. I wondered if God thought, "Yvonne, you're discontent with what I've given you? How will you respond if I take it away?" Much of my response has been thankful - praise the Lord! I've also responded with some anxiousness and I swallowed my dinner whole last night because I was focused on my feelings rather than on the food. Those are areas to observe and correct in the future. I'm just thankful that I didn't use the situation to throw myself into a pit of despair (or the bottom of an ice cream carton).
Sometimes it's so good when the Lord takes something away.
15 June 2010
Repent and Return
Acts 3: 19-20
Therefore, repent and return so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed to you
In my ladies' Bible study we're going through Beth Moore's Esther. In chapter four we see Jews all over Persia in mourning over the king's decree of their extermination. Moore likened their grief and supplication to the words of the Lord in Joel 2:12-14. God asks His people for repentance from their own way and to love and follow Him.
The area that I need to repent from is demanding my right to having my own way. My long stretch of discontentment all stems from my ungodly expectations not being met. I want to return to the Lord from my own way and go wherever He sends me.
Thank you, God, for Your great provisions for my life. You are My Provider and the Lifter of my head. You are good and only desire eternal good for me. Thank you for allowing times of teaching and times of rest. Your name be blessed. Amen.
Therefore, repent and return so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed to you
In my ladies' Bible study we're going through Beth Moore's Esther. In chapter four we see Jews all over Persia in mourning over the king's decree of their extermination. Moore likened their grief and supplication to the words of the Lord in Joel 2:12-14. God asks His people for repentance from their own way and to love and follow Him.
The area that I need to repent from is demanding my right to having my own way. My long stretch of discontentment all stems from my ungodly expectations not being met. I want to return to the Lord from my own way and go wherever He sends me.
Thank you, God, for Your great provisions for my life. You are My Provider and the Lifter of my head. You are good and only desire eternal good for me. Thank you for allowing times of teaching and times of rest. Your name be blessed. Amen.
14 June 2010
Discontentment
I am now two weeks into a period of serious discontentment. I can't stand being here. There are a number of contributing factors that fall into two categories: the situation and my response.
First, the situation. My husband has been without a consistent job for the two years that we've been married (he was in graduate school when we got married). The other situations that I'm dealing with include my grandfather's prolonged illness, the fact that it's now summer in Phoenix and the fact that life is based on relationships and I must work with people, in and out of the job space, in order to accomplish tasks.
My response: There is what my response should be in light of God's love, mercy and grace and then there's my fleshly response. The pit of discontent that I find myself in is a direct response to my ungodly reactions. While the Lord tells me that "He has supplied all of my needs" I choose to be discontent over the fact that my husband doesn't have a job and that I can't just go out and buy the things that I want (notice I said "want", not "need"). While the Lord tells me that He has a plan for me (and that He has one for each of us) I am discontent that my grandfather is so ill. This is compounded by my financial discontentment in that I can't just pick up and fly to visit him. While the Lord has provided for me friends, a church family, a home and job with a/c I choose to be discontent with the summer heat that He brings to Arizona each year.
It's a choice. I cannot change the situations that I've been dealt, but I do have power, by God's graciousness, to change my response.
I'm so tired of being discontent.
Lord, I choose You know. I choose to bring every thought captive to your mighty throne of healing and grace. No, I choose this moment to do so. I know that in my flesh I am so fickle that I cannot truly say that I'll bring EVERY thought captive. I also choose today to renew my mind, in view of all of your mercies, so that I may be transformed from one who is self-obsessed to one who is walking in the Spirit. Thank you for your lvoe and your grace. Your patience is limitless and your joy completes me. Amen.
First, the situation. My husband has been without a consistent job for the two years that we've been married (he was in graduate school when we got married). The other situations that I'm dealing with include my grandfather's prolonged illness, the fact that it's now summer in Phoenix and the fact that life is based on relationships and I must work with people, in and out of the job space, in order to accomplish tasks.
My response: There is what my response should be in light of God's love, mercy and grace and then there's my fleshly response. The pit of discontent that I find myself in is a direct response to my ungodly reactions. While the Lord tells me that "He has supplied all of my needs" I choose to be discontent over the fact that my husband doesn't have a job and that I can't just go out and buy the things that I want (notice I said "want", not "need"). While the Lord tells me that He has a plan for me (and that He has one for each of us) I am discontent that my grandfather is so ill. This is compounded by my financial discontentment in that I can't just pick up and fly to visit him. While the Lord has provided for me friends, a church family, a home and job with a/c I choose to be discontent with the summer heat that He brings to Arizona each year.
It's a choice. I cannot change the situations that I've been dealt, but I do have power, by God's graciousness, to change my response.
I'm so tired of being discontent.
Lord, I choose You know. I choose to bring every thought captive to your mighty throne of healing and grace. No, I choose this moment to do so. I know that in my flesh I am so fickle that I cannot truly say that I'll bring EVERY thought captive. I also choose today to renew my mind, in view of all of your mercies, so that I may be transformed from one who is self-obsessed to one who is walking in the Spirit. Thank you for your lvoe and your grace. Your patience is limitless and your joy completes me. Amen.
16 April 2010
Thank God, He never changes
I have a raging bad attitude today.
I am disappointed in the world, in the behavior of those who say they follow the Lord and in myself for not being the person that "I" thinkI should be. Sigh... I'm also disappointed in a co-worker who, well, doesn't seem to work much.
None of that, however, changes who God is. None of that changes my identiy in Him. None of that changes His loving, merciful and gracious provision for my life. None of it changes the fact that He made Himself the propitiation for our sin in order to make us His righteousness with the purpose of His own glorification.
It's hard to feel down when I know this truth! That said, the world and Satan are persistent. I'm just going to have to hold on that much tighter!
I am disappointed in the world, in the behavior of those who say they follow the Lord and in myself for not being the person that "I" thinkI should be. Sigh... I'm also disappointed in a co-worker who, well, doesn't seem to work much.
None of that, however, changes who God is. None of that changes my identiy in Him. None of that changes His loving, merciful and gracious provision for my life. None of it changes the fact that He made Himself the propitiation for our sin in order to make us His righteousness with the purpose of His own glorification.
It's hard to feel down when I know this truth! That said, the world and Satan are persistent. I'm just going to have to hold on that much tighter!
02 April 2010
What He did was so Good
In a new book I'm reading, "The Search for Significance", I am working through the chapter about God's answer to the blame game: Propitiation. The first few questions have me look at what God's wrath has done in the past (in the Old Testament, for example). The next activity has me go through Isaiah 53:4-10 and replace the appropriate pronouns with my name. I think it's a fitting exercise on this Good Friday (based on the NIV):
Surely he took up Yvonne's infirmities
and carried my sorrows,
yet I considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for Yvonne's transgressions,
he was crushed for my iniquities;
the punishment that brought me peace was upon him,
and by his wounds I am healed.
I all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for my transgression he was stricken.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
31 March 2010
intentionality update
I realized this weekend that over the last couple of weeks I have not been intentional bout much of anything.
I think it started two weeks ago when my husband and I started dog-sitting for a friend of our ungoing cancer treatment. The dog behaved amazingly. She was so cute and sweet and caused us no problem at all. I found myself skipping the gym to go home and play with her. I also found myself skipping time in the Word to play with her.
Also, during the last couple of weeks I have been watching some TV. My husband gives me a hard time about it because I "gave it up for Lent". True, I made a decision to avoid TV, but choosing to watch doesn't make me less holy or less saved. This is a good example of the practive of observe and correct. I actually have found that there's little on the TV that I'm even interested in. I find that I either get bored and turn it off or that I'm disappointed by the end of the show because it didn't do much to build me up. Similar to food, I find that I used to use TV to numb my feeling or fill a void. TV is incapable of doing that. Only God can. Also like food, TV can have its place. There are certain PBS shows I like as well as the occasional sit-com or movie. I just don't need it all of the time. Just like when I began dealing with gluttony, I find that I have a lot more free time when I don't spend it all on TV. I've been reading a lot and trying new baking reecipes (I'm talking myself into trying to make my own puff pastry and mole poblano - both very time consuming items).
So, back to intentionality.
This morning I did a little research on the word 'holy'. I love what I found! One etymology (word history) resource defined it as "that must be preserved whole or intact, that cannot be transgressed or violated". I love it because God is holy. He is whole. He is complete. He cannot be violated. God also calls ME holy and He is the One who preserved me completely, not allowing me to be violated. He does it in me. Praise His name!
I think it started two weeks ago when my husband and I started dog-sitting for a friend of our ungoing cancer treatment. The dog behaved amazingly. She was so cute and sweet and caused us no problem at all. I found myself skipping the gym to go home and play with her. I also found myself skipping time in the Word to play with her.
Also, during the last couple of weeks I have been watching some TV. My husband gives me a hard time about it because I "gave it up for Lent". True, I made a decision to avoid TV, but choosing to watch doesn't make me less holy or less saved. This is a good example of the practive of observe and correct. I actually have found that there's little on the TV that I'm even interested in. I find that I either get bored and turn it off or that I'm disappointed by the end of the show because it didn't do much to build me up. Similar to food, I find that I used to use TV to numb my feeling or fill a void. TV is incapable of doing that. Only God can. Also like food, TV can have its place. There are certain PBS shows I like as well as the occasional sit-com or movie. I just don't need it all of the time. Just like when I began dealing with gluttony, I find that I have a lot more free time when I don't spend it all on TV. I've been reading a lot and trying new baking reecipes (I'm talking myself into trying to make my own puff pastry and mole poblano - both very time consuming items).
So, back to intentionality.
This morning I did a little research on the word 'holy'. I love what I found! One etymology (word history) resource defined it as "that must be preserved whole or intact, that cannot be transgressed or violated". I love it because God is holy. He is whole. He is complete. He cannot be violated. God also calls ME holy and He is the One who preserved me completely, not allowing me to be violated. He does it in me. Praise His name!
17 March 2010
St. Patrick's Breastplate
This is an Irish hymn that may have been written in the 12th century. It is a beautiful representation of the author's belief (creed, if you will). It's also a great reminder of what Jesus does for us!
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the judgment of Doom.
I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.
I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.
I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.
09 March 2010
Blessed be Your Name
I love this song, Blessed be Your Name. It always speaks to me. Today I was thinking about personalizing it, but first I’ll include the lyrics as the are:
Praise the Lord! Now, I was thinking about making it reflective of my life. So, the first verse blesses God when things are going well. What might that look like in my life?
The next verse blesses the Lord when things aren’t going well. So, for example:
I could do this for days! Let’s try some more:
AND
God is good all of the time AND all of the time God is good. The world’s circumstance doesn’t change my God! Now, the last part:
When I first heard this song I used to think like many people do, “God giveth [the good] and God taketh away [the good]”. More recently I have seen that God gives His Son, His salvation, His peace, His joy, His presence and His provision (just to name a few) and takes away my sin, my shame, my guilt, my anger, my pride, my hurt and my selfishness. I wouldn’t trade that for anything!
Praise the Lord and try personalizing it for yourself
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Chorus:
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Chorus 2X
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Praise the Lord! Now, I was thinking about making it reflective of my life. So, the first verse blesses God when things are going well. What might that look like in my life?
Blessed Be Your Name
When I’ve gotten enough sleep
And my favorite praise song is on KLove
Blessed be Your name
The next verse blesses the Lord when things aren’t going well. So, for example:
Blessed Be Your Name
When I get a migraine
And my supervisor is driving me nuts
Blessed be Your name
I could do this for days! Let’s try some more:
Blessed Be Your Name
When there’s money in the bank
And plenty of food in the pantry
Blessed be Your name
AND
Blessed Be Your Name
When my husband loses his job
And my car is not working well
Blessed be Your name
God is good all of the time AND all of the time God is good. The world’s circumstance doesn’t change my God! Now, the last part:
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
When I first heard this song I used to think like many people do, “God giveth [the good] and God taketh away [the good]”. More recently I have seen that God gives His Son, His salvation, His peace, His joy, His presence and His provision (just to name a few) and takes away my sin, my shame, my guilt, my anger, my pride, my hurt and my selfishness. I wouldn’t trade that for anything!
Praise the Lord and try personalizing it for yourself
04 March 2010
Disciples Abide
I'm not sure whether my post title is a command or a statement of fact. I think it's both.
In our reading for discipleship class this week we have a large pack of material that touches on several subjects with the overarching theme of "abide" or "watlk in the spirit" (WITS as my friend, Bert says). some of the reading is from one of our teaching pastors, Mike, some is from author Andrew Murray, and some is from The Victorious Life that the pastor found on http://www.bibleteacher.com/.
It talks about the christian life being a journey made up of four parts: seeking God, knowing God, being transformed by God and loving others (because of God). I think of it almost as a cycle (I made this fun little graph of the four points with arrows moving from one to the next in a circle, but I can't figure out how to import it - I'm not too savvy, I guess).
There's so much richness in these reading. Here I'll share some.
"As disciples we need to move from seeking God as one of our options to seeking God as our primary passsion and the overwhelming motivator of our life." ~ Mike Richardson
In a sheet discussing deliverance and freedom in Christ, Mike writes, "We need to deal with the body, soul and spirit of the person in order to bring about complete freedom and 'it was for freedom that Christ set us free' (Gal 5:1). What did Jesus do? - Healed the sick and cast out demons." I appreciate this because it takes a wholistic approach to ministry. Not every ailment is spiritually based ans yet not every problem has a resolution in the physical world. We often need both! (as I do in eating)
The most profound thing that I saw from Andrew Maurry was that God does the work, all we are calle dto do is YEILD, TRUST (i.e. BELIEVE) and WAIT. We aren't to do anything else unless the Spirit moves us. In some ways it seems easy, yet these are three very hard things for humans to do becuase they make us totally dependent on another. We no longer have the control because we've yielded it to Him. "You are not under the law, with its inexorable DO, but under grace with its blessed Belive what christ will do for you."
From The Victorious Life we were given chapters 10 and 14. It is so rich.
"Victory begins only when struggling ceases."
"Christ can and does give us Victory over all known sin: not gradually but INSTANTANEOUSLY." We just have to learn to live that way moment by moment. It's a process.
"We are neither saved nor sanctified by what we give up, but by what we receive." I am not sanctified or made more holy by stopping to binge eat. I am sanctified by receiving Christ, allowing the spirit to move me and accpeting whatever He has for me. This is blessed news because I still have had the thought that I am made more holy by giving up my life of sin. No! I am made holy by accepting the holy One. "...we may not, cannot in the smallest degree, share with christ the work of accomplishing any part of our salvation. et so many of us imagine that in the matter of sanctification we must 'paddle our own canoe'."
This little story is cute:
"A little girl of 13 was asked what difference the Victorious Life meant to her in times of temptation. after a little pause she replied, "Before I saw this truth, I used to argue with the tempter, and he usually got the better of me. But now, when he knocks at the door of my heart, I say, 'Lord Jesus, will you answer the door for me?' And when Satan sees the Lord Jesus within, he says, "I'm sorry, I think I've come to the wrong house' - and he flees."
Finally, for today, part of Hudson Taylor's definition of abiding, as recorded in The Victorious Life:
"Abiding - not struggling or striving; looking off to Him; trusting Him for present power; trusting Him to subdue all inward corruption; resting in the conscious joy of a complete salvation; a salvation from all sin: willing that He should be truly supreme."
In our reading for discipleship class this week we have a large pack of material that touches on several subjects with the overarching theme of "abide" or "watlk in the spirit" (WITS as my friend, Bert says). some of the reading is from one of our teaching pastors, Mike, some is from author Andrew Murray, and some is from The Victorious Life that the pastor found on http://www.bibleteacher.com/.
It talks about the christian life being a journey made up of four parts: seeking God, knowing God, being transformed by God and loving others (because of God). I think of it almost as a cycle (I made this fun little graph of the four points with arrows moving from one to the next in a circle, but I can't figure out how to import it - I'm not too savvy, I guess).
There's so much richness in these reading. Here I'll share some.
"As disciples we need to move from seeking God as one of our options to seeking God as our primary passsion and the overwhelming motivator of our life." ~ Mike Richardson
In a sheet discussing deliverance and freedom in Christ, Mike writes, "We need to deal with the body, soul and spirit of the person in order to bring about complete freedom and 'it was for freedom that Christ set us free' (Gal 5:1). What did Jesus do? - Healed the sick and cast out demons." I appreciate this because it takes a wholistic approach to ministry. Not every ailment is spiritually based ans yet not every problem has a resolution in the physical world. We often need both! (as I do in eating)
The most profound thing that I saw from Andrew Maurry was that God does the work, all we are calle dto do is YEILD, TRUST (i.e. BELIEVE) and WAIT. We aren't to do anything else unless the Spirit moves us. In some ways it seems easy, yet these are three very hard things for humans to do becuase they make us totally dependent on another. We no longer have the control because we've yielded it to Him. "You are not under the law, with its inexorable DO, but under grace with its blessed Belive what christ will do for you."
From The Victorious Life we were given chapters 10 and 14. It is so rich.
"Victory begins only when struggling ceases."
"Christ can and does give us Victory over all known sin: not gradually but INSTANTANEOUSLY." We just have to learn to live that way moment by moment. It's a process.
"We are neither saved nor sanctified by what we give up, but by what we receive." I am not sanctified or made more holy by stopping to binge eat. I am sanctified by receiving Christ, allowing the spirit to move me and accpeting whatever He has for me. This is blessed news because I still have had the thought that I am made more holy by giving up my life of sin. No! I am made holy by accepting the holy One. "...we may not, cannot in the smallest degree, share with christ the work of accomplishing any part of our salvation. et so many of us imagine that in the matter of sanctification we must 'paddle our own canoe'."
This little story is cute:
"A little girl of 13 was asked what difference the Victorious Life meant to her in times of temptation. after a little pause she replied, "Before I saw this truth, I used to argue with the tempter, and he usually got the better of me. But now, when he knocks at the door of my heart, I say, 'Lord Jesus, will you answer the door for me?' And when Satan sees the Lord Jesus within, he says, "I'm sorry, I think I've come to the wrong house' - and he flees."
Finally, for today, part of Hudson Taylor's definition of abiding, as recorded in The Victorious Life:
"Abiding - not struggling or striving; looking off to Him; trusting Him for present power; trusting Him to subdue all inward corruption; resting in the conscious joy of a complete salvation; a salvation from all sin: willing that He should be truly supreme."
28 February 2010
No TV, spending, greed and my view of gluttony (?)
I think we're ten days or so into Lent, and, therefore, ten days into Yvonne's "no TV time". It hasn't been terribly difficult, but there are times when it's harder. I hadn't planned on watching TV on Friday night, but I was in the living room with my husand, trying to talk to him, and he had the Olympics on. I saw a couple of speed skating races (oh no, Ono!). Once I realized what I was doing, I stopped watching TV and decided, "No more for me!" and I stopped. No big deal.
I observed and corrected. Now, why is that so hard for me to do in eating?
First, I think I'm still believing some lies about food (like "it's a worse sin to eat than to do X, therefore I must suffer more condemnation", maybe). I need to take some time to sit with the Lord and go through these thoughts, checking for their validity. Second, I believe (rightly or not) that there are bigger/worse repercussions for not eating in the Spirit than there are for not doing X in the Spirit. This may not be entirely untrue. If I overeat, it will show in my sluggishness and on my body. If I, for example, watch TV when I said that I won't, what's the harm (given such benign programming as the Olympics)? Hmm, I've got to let myself be still for awhile and let this stew...
So, maybe I condemn myself too much for not eating in the Spirit (this phrase, by the way, comes from 'Walking in the Spirit" or, living my life abiding in Christ). However, I wonder if I don't really hate the sin of idolizing food. I say this because my husband and I have been talking for weeks now about the financial problems of family and friends. Honestly, I have a hard time understanding how/why somebody would think, "I can't afford X, but I want it, so I'll use credit to obtain it." I know this is rampant in America, including among believers. this is something that I truly hate. Why? My childhood was littered with family debt problems. After my father left my mother continued living as she used to (without a job). In part, I know that she shopped to make herself feel better and she wanted others to think that everything was ok. By late elementary, I was answering collectors' phone calls telling them that my mommy wasn't home - she was, she just didn't want to deal. I became so afraid of debt that I refused to get a credit card in college. I eventually did, once I learned that I didn't have to use it. My husband and I are still trying to help my mom deal with her financial issues many years later.
I have Christian friends who say, "please pray for me that God will help me get out of debt," yet they remain in their same behavior. If belief really does cause behavior, then there thinking isn't right. Now, we're told in 1 Corinthians 5:12 (NASB):
For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges.
This is given in a discourse about dealing with sexual immorality within the church. I am extending ti to other sins - if I am wrong in doing so, please correct me. I read that we (believers) are not to judge unbelievers. God will take care of that. We are, however, called to show bretheren the truth and discipline them. Jesus explains the process in Matthew 18:15-20 (NASB):
"If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. "Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. "Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."
So, what do I do if a believer will not repent? Becuase, truly, as long as I continue to idolize food and "perfect" body images, am I not the same? Are we unwilling to submit to the Lord and eat/shop/live/talk/walk in the Spirit? Going back several paragraphs, do I not hate being greedy food? I don't have the same reaction to eating unnecessarily as I do to purchasing unnecessarily. I think if I did then I would truly be dead to this sin and no longer submit to slavery of food.
Lord, I am frustrated! Again and again I eat impulsivly. I do not slow down to consider what I need. I don not consider You. I do and then think. I am frustrated with friends who say they long to submit to You in some are of their lives, yet it appears that they do not. Help me to come along side them in truth and love. Help me accept Your truth and love. Help me not to be greedy with food. You said, Jesus, that I am to be aware and be on guard against EVERY form of greed in Luke 12:15. Help me! I want victory over this sin and I want You to have the glory. I just feel that if I hated overeating like I hat overspending, then I would be done with this sin today. Carry me! Thank you, Amen.
I observed and corrected. Now, why is that so hard for me to do in eating?
First, I think I'm still believing some lies about food (like "it's a worse sin to eat than to do X, therefore I must suffer more condemnation", maybe). I need to take some time to sit with the Lord and go through these thoughts, checking for their validity. Second, I believe (rightly or not) that there are bigger/worse repercussions for not eating in the Spirit than there are for not doing X in the Spirit. This may not be entirely untrue. If I overeat, it will show in my sluggishness and on my body. If I, for example, watch TV when I said that I won't, what's the harm (given such benign programming as the Olympics)? Hmm, I've got to let myself be still for awhile and let this stew...
So, maybe I condemn myself too much for not eating in the Spirit (this phrase, by the way, comes from 'Walking in the Spirit" or, living my life abiding in Christ). However, I wonder if I don't really hate the sin of idolizing food. I say this because my husband and I have been talking for weeks now about the financial problems of family and friends. Honestly, I have a hard time understanding how/why somebody would think, "I can't afford X, but I want it, so I'll use credit to obtain it." I know this is rampant in America, including among believers. this is something that I truly hate. Why? My childhood was littered with family debt problems. After my father left my mother continued living as she used to (without a job). In part, I know that she shopped to make herself feel better and she wanted others to think that everything was ok. By late elementary, I was answering collectors' phone calls telling them that my mommy wasn't home - she was, she just didn't want to deal. I became so afraid of debt that I refused to get a credit card in college. I eventually did, once I learned that I didn't have to use it. My husband and I are still trying to help my mom deal with her financial issues many years later.
I have Christian friends who say, "please pray for me that God will help me get out of debt," yet they remain in their same behavior. If belief really does cause behavior, then there thinking isn't right. Now, we're told in 1 Corinthians 5:12 (NASB):
For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges.
This is given in a discourse about dealing with sexual immorality within the church. I am extending ti to other sins - if I am wrong in doing so, please correct me. I read that we (believers) are not to judge unbelievers. God will take care of that. We are, however, called to show bretheren the truth and discipline them. Jesus explains the process in Matthew 18:15-20 (NASB):
"If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. "Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. "Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."
So, what do I do if a believer will not repent? Becuase, truly, as long as I continue to idolize food and "perfect" body images, am I not the same? Are we unwilling to submit to the Lord and eat/shop/live/talk/walk in the Spirit? Going back several paragraphs, do I not hate being greedy food? I don't have the same reaction to eating unnecessarily as I do to purchasing unnecessarily. I think if I did then I would truly be dead to this sin and no longer submit to slavery of food.
Lord, I am frustrated! Again and again I eat impulsivly. I do not slow down to consider what I need. I don not consider You. I do and then think. I am frustrated with friends who say they long to submit to You in some are of their lives, yet it appears that they do not. Help me to come along side them in truth and love. Help me accept Your truth and love. Help me not to be greedy with food. You said, Jesus, that I am to be aware and be on guard against EVERY form of greed in Luke 12:15. Help me! I want victory over this sin and I want You to have the glory. I just feel that if I hated overeating like I hat overspending, then I would be done with this sin today. Carry me! Thank you, Amen.
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