Discontentment

I am now two weeks into a period of serious discontentment. I can't stand being here. There are a number of contributing factors that fall into two categories: the situation and my response.

First, the situation. My husband has been without a consistent job for the two years that we've been married (he was in graduate school when we got married).  The other situations that I'm dealing with include my grandfather's prolonged illness, the fact that it's now summer in Phoenix and the fact that life is based on relationships and I must work with people, in and out of the job space, in order to accomplish tasks.

My response: There is what my response should be in light of God's love, mercy and grace and then there's my fleshly response. The pit of discontent that I find myself in is a direct response to my ungodly reactions. While the Lord tells me that "He has supplied all of my needs" I choose to be discontent over the fact that my husband doesn't have a job and that I can't just go out and buy the things that I want (notice I said "want", not "need"). While the Lord tells me that He has a plan for me (and that He has one for each of us) I am discontent that my grandfather is so ill. This is compounded by my financial discontentment in that I can't just pick up and fly to visit him. While the Lord has provided for me friends, a church family, a home and job with a/c I choose to be discontent with the summer heat that He brings to Arizona each year.

It's a choice. I cannot change the situations that I've been dealt, but I do have power, by God's graciousness, to change my response.

I'm so tired of being discontent.

Lord, I choose You know. I choose to bring every thought captive to your mighty throne of healing and grace. No, I choose this moment to do so. I know that in my flesh I am so fickle that I cannot truly say that I'll bring EVERY thought captive. I also choose today to renew my mind, in view of all of your mercies, so that I may be transformed from one who is self-obsessed to one who is walking in the Spirit. Thank you for your lvoe and your grace. Your patience is limitless and your joy completes me.  Amen.