Consistency

I've come to realize that many of my areas of sin and struggle are directly related to a lack of consistency in my life. I previously had major issues with male authority and marriage until I realized that they stemmed from the lack of a consistent father-figure in my life. I hated the notion of "submission" because I had never seen it practiced in a consistent, loving fashion. I have spun my wheels in various areas of spiritual growth because I have chosen not to be consistent in my time with the Lord over these matters.

I was reminded this morning that the life that I now live is one of discipleship. It's not a class. I don't have a bunch of assignments to check off and turn in. I'm not just looking for a passing grade. This is life-long and I have a very demanding Rabbi that I sit under. Well, not TOO demanding - in fact, He does most of the work for me. I just have to make the choice to submit to Him. In everything. Always.

Why do I continue to struggle? When will I give up on having "my way"? When will I decide that His way is best?

Lord, I am tired of fighting myself! I know it's disobedience. I know I need refining. I know one of your goals for me is my sanctification. Help me to stop thrashing against you. Help me rest. Help me trust. You are so kind, so merciful, so gracious, so loving - there's no superlative strong enough to describe your goodness! Without you I am at a total loss. Without you I am totally unable to choose you. I don't even know what I need or what's good for me! Show me your way. Thank you for blessing me and for your discipline!

He loves me!!!