New support and motivation

Psalm 37:5
“Commit your way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.”

These last 5 months in my journey out of gluttony have been really revealing. Gluttony, food idolatry and abuse have been an integral part of my life for as long as I can remember. I'm floored by how much that I've learned about myself. It's scary and embarrassing at times. I've used food for EVERYTHING. Food has one purpose: fuel. That's it. I have used it to console me, entertain me, lift me up, motivate me, accompany me and fulfill me. I have been an addict. Since food's purpose is to fuel my body, it has always fallen short of completing me when I've tried to use it for other purposes. That, in turn, has frustrated, disappointed and angered me. when I felt that way I turned to food to make me feel good. Then the cycle continued.

At times it is still so hard not to use food for other purposes. Saturday afternoon I was telling my husband how I felt bored (of course there were 100 things I could do, but feelings aren't always rational) and how I feel like I have so much more free time now that I don't use food to entertain me. He was surprised by that because he has never been like that. (He's a little overweight, but that's because he eats the same amounts as he did as a skinny 18-year-old and doesn't do nearly the same amount of activity- God can work on him.)

I love to watch cooking shows. Our local PBS shows all of their cooking shows on Saturday afternoons. I used to watch them, become enamored with the dishes and then spend the rest of the afternoon replicating them and eating. Food is not my friend. It's also not my enemy. It's just fuel.

I love reading/hearing others' testimonies about freedom from gluttony. There's not a ton of information out there, but I hope to glean any nuggets of wisdom that I can. Here are a couple of things that I've found recently:

http://www.calvarybiblechurch.org/calvary_review.aspx/2005/08/1 :
As we have learned, we all need to eat, and there is a time for feasting and a time for fasting.

I love this because I need to remember that God has ordained both. Jesus celebrated the Feast of the Passover. Jesus also fasted for 40 days. It's not about law, it's about doing what the Holy spirit guides me to do.

http://www.christianadhd.com/lesson1.html :
First--look at ourselves, and accept ourselves the way we are. Overweight, stressed out, spiritually and emotionally drained people. And NOT feel any shame about it. Romans 8:1,2 tells us that we who are in Christ are no longer condemned, for we have been set free!!!!! PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right! I am not condemned. I am fully and totally loved by my Creator exactly the way I am in this very moment. Praise the Lord that He continues to lead me away from idolatry, the bondage of gluttony, shame and anger. I am free in Him.

So, that's some of my new support. As for motivation I know that my ultimate motivation and purpose is His glory - and He has amazingly and gracefully responded to that. I've also had some earthly motivation. Throughout the winter/spring there was a Pound for Pound Challenge that I learned about through NBC. I pledged to lose 20 pounds and lost 18. They, in turn, donated 18 pounds of food to a local food bank. My current motivation is fitness. My husband and I are taking a trip next month to Boston and Bermuda. In Bermuda, I want to swim, snorkel and kayak. I'm trying to build up arm and back strength. Also, for the kayak trip they have two-seaters with a combined weight limit of 400 pounds. We're just below the limit. We want to both lose more so that we are enough below the limit (taking into account clothes, shoes, backpack, etc.) We'll just have to be extra careful of the yummy cruise food!