Surrounded by God and other thoughts

I was finishing up my Beth Moore homework in the "Stepping Up" series which has been a great companion in my walk through TW. I wanted just to share some of the amazing things I read.

Psalm 125:2
As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore.

Stepping Up (SU) p. 71:
God has you surrounded. His presence looms over you from every direction.

What a joyful promise!

Psalm 126
1 When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed.
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them."
3 The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
4 Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negev.
5 Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
6 He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

In explaining the importance to sow in order to reap, Beth shares this story (SU p.81)

"Isak Pretorius said, 'One of the most frustrating things is that in villages where they receive seed, they often eat the seed rather than planting it and bringing forth harvest.' I couldn't get the statement out of my mind and suddenly had an answer to the questions I most often ask God: Why do some people see the results of the Word and others don't? Why do some study the Word of God yet remain in their captivity?"

I sit here stupefied. Why have I struggled to "get it"? for so long? Why haven't I made more progress in my walk despite enormous amounts of good teaching and community? Because I ate the seed instead of sowing it. For so many years that I read about the armor of God, rather than giving it a place to take root in my life, I just ingested the message and moved on.

(Of course, the pun about "eating" the seed is not lost on me in my journey to freedom from gluttony.)

Lord, help me not to be wasteful with Your word and teaching. Remind me to meditate on it and find an application for it so there will be an affect on my life. Be glorified, Lord, because You have changed me.

From the media

I was reading on msnbc.com this morning and I found an article titled "8 ways the food industry hijacks your brain. It's fairly interesting.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31832558/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/

Below is a link to an interview with the same Dr. Kessler from the above article:
http://www.salon.com/env/feature/2009/06/18/overeating/print.html

I like to have this information. I don't want to get wrapped-up in it or become obsessive, but I appreciate disclosure about the food I consume. I think it helps me make better choices.

There's a documentary coming out called "Food Inc" about practices of the food industry. There is a trailer on their website: http://www.foodincmovie.com/

A few years back I really enjoyed the film "Supersize Me" about large, fatty portions served at McDonald's. One thing I will say: it's not entirely McD's fault. Humans walk themselves into the restaurants, order whatever they like and proceed to eat too much. That's really the bottom line.

I actually worked my way through college at McDonald's. Yes, they have stuff that is terrible for the human body (I used to love the steak and egg bagel - good thing it's not sold in the Phoenix market!), but they have other choices. In my last semester of college I decided to lose weight. At that time I was working 5-6 days a week and so I was eating there about 2 meals a day. I lost 25 pounds that semester because I made huge changes in what I was eating: almost nothing fried, lots of salads, vegetables on everything, no biscuits and I ate an ice cream cone almost everyday.

It's about choices and knowing that all things are permissible, but not all things are profitable.

Day 11 TW - whoa

This chapter gave me another moment of revelation. I think God has slowly been working this idea in me for awhile, but just now is is coming all together.

As a younger Christian I had major difficulties with marriages passages in the Bible (like Ephesians 5. 22 and following) because I had grown up in an environment where I was taught that men weren't to be trusted. The Lord slowly got me through that and taught me that honoring my husband, if I were to have one, was an act of worship to the Lord (it really wasn't about my husband at all). Last year, before our wedding, my husband and I went through pre-marital counseling with a couple at our church. I really dug into what "submit" means. The Greek word transliterates as 'hypotasso': 'hypo' meaning 'under' and 'tasso' roughly meaning 'rank'. This is a military term. Soldiers know their rank and file and know they must maintain it for the good of their unit.

I have my own 'rank and file' in my marriage and at my work and I maintain my place (ok, sometimes I fight against it) for the good of my marriage and for the good of my job. What about my 'rank and file' place in the Lord's kingdom?

I've done lots of studies and heard many sermons on Romans 12:1:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship

And I've often heard people comment that the reason why this is so hard for us is because a living sacrifice (in comparison with a dead one) can slink off of the table. I've had a desire for years to offer myself to the Lord, but I was never successful for more than a short while and I didn't understand why.

I think I get it now.

Even though my mouth was saying, "Yes, Lord, I'm Yours," my heart and my mind were off doing their own thing. I said,"Thy will be done," but I never lived in a state of giving my will over. I think I was unable, not just unwilling, but I think I had so much selfish pride hardening me that I did not have the capability to sacrificially follow the Lord.

If I'm convinced that I have to do what my bosses say to keep my job, I'm going to do it. I think I wasn't convinced of my place in the Lord's kingdom. I've got to 'hypotasso' myself to the Lord so He can accomplish what He has planned.

What rambling! It seems so simple and I'm sure it's not so hard for others to understand, but I think I get it now. My job is to obey the Lord in my God-given place in the kingdom. I'm not the master of my body. I didn't make it, I don't make it function and I don't know when it will stop functioning. Only the Lord knows! If I leave it to Him it seems like there's less for me to worry about. I can't believe how blown away I am. Lord, help me to know this Truth, to make it my own and to live it out. You are the best Commander-in-Chief! Amazingly, my 'rank and file' position isn't as just some unnamed foot soldier, no! I am an adopted daughter of the Most High. What an honored place! Thank, God, for teaching me. Help me to follow You when my flesh seems more comfortable and guide me to continually give my will over to Yours. Amen!

Protection

Over the weekend we studied Ephesians at our retreat. I started reading and looking at the epistle in new ways. First, I began reading it correctly (that is, reading it word-for-word and not adding or deleting anything) and second, I read it with my struggle against gluttony in mind. I think that giving myself a focus, rather than reading it in the abstract, helped me glean more from the passage.

One example of that is Chapter 6.10-18 about the armor of God. I have read this, memorized this and taught this in Sunday school but I never really grasped how I could put on the armor. This time, I decided to apply it to my standing against Satan's attempts to lure me into food idolatry and using food to replace God.

6.10-13
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

This tells me that I have to be strong IN THE LORD. Not in myself or in other, but in Him. Twice in this passage I see that I have to put on the FULL armor of God. Part of it is insufficient. I also learn that the point of this is is to stand my ground against my real enemies, not my body, but against Satan's forces.

14. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,

I have to be surrounded by truth. It encompasses me front, back and sides because I've got to know the truth and be ready to stand against lies.

I have to be covered by righteousness. Where do I get that? from Jesus. He is my righteousness. A breastplate covers the vital organs of a warrior and Jesus covers me.

15. and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

I've got to be ready to move wherever the Lord leads me (maybe to change my behaviors or reactions). Jesus is my peace. That is good news.

16. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Faith, belief, is an amazing thing. It directs my thoughts and causes my behavior. Only by believing what god says is true will I be able to stand against the lies and the hurts that Satan will throw.

17. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

I have to have my mind full of salvation. Satan will try to sabotage my thinking more than anything. I have to know that I know that I know that my salvation is sure in Christ.

Up until now all of the parts of the armor have been defensive in nature. One part is offensive: the sword of the Spirit, the word of God. His gospel, His story, His good news and teachings. I have to know these so I can use them when needed to strike a blow against Satan's lies.

18. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Usually the armor of God ends with verse 17, but over the weekend I saw the importance of verse 18. I've got to pray. I've got to be in communication with my commanding officer. If I am submitting to Him I have to move as He directs. Can you imagine a soldier running off on his own? He'll get creamed. The same thing will happen to me if I try to stand against Satan without direct communication from God.

This is something that I hope I will come back to time and again. :) It's really good stuff.

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On another note:

My husband has commented to me a few times that I have "body issues". He's right. I do. After our retreat I told him how I had spent most of the weekend feeling pretty good and not hating the way I look because of what some of our friends had said. He asked me to elaborate and I told him that I had taken picture with a bunch of friends and one called me 'photogenic' another said I looked 'amazing'. (I'm not trying to justify my feelings based on what others say, this is just the point I'm at right now.) To this my husband replied, "I think you just don't understand how good you really look." My response was to ball my eyes out. Very deep down (and I think this fits into the category of 'fat machinery') I believe that I AM fat and unattractive. That is my identity. I have been told for so many years (often it is me telling myself) how fat, ugly, manly and un-cute I am. It was too difficult for me to sit in and accept the feelings washing over me when my husband said that. I very quickly regained 'control' by making a joke and changing the subject.

This is going to be a tough issue to deal with.

The light bulb goes on and more fat machinery

Last week I had a personal epiphany when I was reading Day 9 from TW. on page 89 it says:

"He holds your future and longs to give you His hope."

I began meditating on this sentence. He absolutely and eternally holds my future. What does that mean? I know I'll never be perfect in this body, but I know that I will be totally free from sin in heaven. That is my future. That is my hope/assurance. I quote that "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" and that I am "more than a conqueror" in Christ, but do I believe it? If I did I would live like a person who knows that my future is free from gluttony. It would be like if an athlete were told, "You'll win gold at the Olympics. It is fore sure. You just have to train now to become that person." The Lord has told me that I'll be free (maybe not until heaven) so I should start living like that free person.

I can't say enough how this is changing my outlook. The other day I wanted a snack that I wasn't hungry for. Rather than whining on the inside "Oh poor me! I have to give up so much!" I said to myself, "The Yvonne of the future, the one freed up from gluttony, doesn't eat like this," and it's easier to walk away.

All that from one little sentence.

I did the Day 10 reading on Saturday. I love the eagle in the chicken yard story. My Sunday school teacher has been using that for years as an illustration of how the right thinking makes all the difference. His famous (well, to those who know him) quote is:

Belief causes behavior.

This weekend was our Sunday school class'/community group's annual retreat. We get out of the heat and head north to the mountains. It's beautiful and serene. We studied Ephesians this weekend and had a lot of fun. I knew going into it that I would face some fat machinery. We always have a ton of food and there is a tradition of having an additional snack table. There is a tendency to eat so many snacks that we're not really hungry for meals. I made a decision before we went that I was not going to spend my weekend living off of the snack table. That doesn't mean that I was going to make the table a taboo (it's not about the snack table), but that I would consciously wait until I was hungry and wait for meals. I'm not going to die or pass out if I don't eat at the exact moment when I get hungry. As it turned out, it was a pretty good weekend for me in the realm of food and I wasn't complaining of being too full like usual. Praise the Lord. This was a huge step for me.

You WERE once darkness, now you ARE light

This weekend is our annual community group/Sunday school class retreat. We get out of the heat and head up north into the White Mountains of Arizona. We always do an in-depth reading study of some New Testament book. This year we are studying Ephesians (God must really want me to get something out of this book - we just finished a ladies' study of it in April) and I have been assigned Chapter 5 verses 8-21. A couple of people are assigned to each section and we do a little talk about what we've learned with the rest of the group.

Truly, I have read this book and this section many times and there are parts that I felt like I already knew by rote study. This, however, is not the case as the Lord is teaching me, tweaking my understanding, putting it into a new perspective and asking me to apply it along with what I've learned thus far in the TW study.

Verse 8 begins (NASB): for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light

I am certain that every time I've read this before I've inserted my own words making it "for you were formerly IN darkness." NO! I WAS darkness. That was my identity. That was my being, my past and my future until I knew God and then HE MADE ME LIGHT. That is now my new identity and my future.

Next, in verse 11 it says: Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;

Do you know that I always used to read that as something that I should go do for OTHERS? What I mean is, I took this verse and saw it as a calling to go tell everyone else how dark they are. NO! I am to expose MY OWN DARK DEEDS. I was reading on Rev. Ken Collins' web page and he says this:

"Professed Christians who refuse to sacrifice a momentary advantage to gain an eternal advantage cannot be placing much stock in what Jesus says. What are we to make of a person who professes to trust Christ for eternity, but can’t trust Him for the stretch until five o’clock? To paraphrase John, if you cannot trust Jesus for things that are present, how can you be trusting Jesus for things that are future? My theory is that people who say they trust Jesus for heaven but live in severe anxiety about their present circumstances are deceiving themselves.
Therefore, be children of the light, not children of darkness."

Wow! Can I trust God to sustain me and overcome my addiction to gluttony? If He is able to keep my soul from the depths of hell, do I believe that He will also rescue me from food lust?

Next, verse 16 says: making the most of your time, because the days are evil.

I never understood why the use of the word 'evil'. I think a better rendering of the Greek 'poneros', given the context, would be 'perilous, difficult, laborious or painful'. Times are tough. We live in a fallen world whose ruler wants nothing more than to make us stumble and stop believing in God.

I need to make the most of my time. Let me tell you: when I binge or even just eat too big of a meal I become so wasteful. First, I've wasted food. Second, my energy is gone. Third, I've probably spent a lot of money. Finally, I've lost time. I lose time while doing so much eating, but afterwards I get so sleepy as my body is trying to handle the overload of food that I'm unable to be productive for a few hours.

I don't know how much time the Lord has allotted to me on this Earth, but I have got to get with it. I don't want to look back and see that I could have done more if my face hadn't of been in the fridge the whole time.

Next verse 18: And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,

Everyone uses this as a call to avoid libations - rightly so, but I think there's so much more. In the footnotes of my Bible it comments that some of the pagan worship in Ephesus at this time was propelled by drunkenness. Maybe they became euphoric, ecstatic and worshipful to their gods. Paul, however, urges the believers in Christ to be filled (read: controlled) by the Holy Spirit.

This morning on my way into work I was pondering this and I came to realize that I am often under the control of food rather than the Holy Spirit. I think about food, I read about it, I watch cooking shows on TV. Sometimes I already start dreaming about the next meal when I haven't finished the current one! I deal with some serious food lust (I love to cook and bake for others, as well). What will I be controlled by? Who will be my master? I can't serve both God and my stomach.

My last comment is on verse 20: always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;

I know that if I were in constant prayer, Bible study or other communion with God I wouldn't feel deprived of food or insanely compelled to go find some. Give thanks for ALL things. Even gluttony because it show me my utter need for the Lord.

Whew! That's a lot of stuff to work on! The Lord never lets us get bored!

Just a few pictures from our Boston/Bermuda trip:

It rained quite a bit in Bermuda - but we got a little bit of sunshine.



In Boston on a sunny day!



I'm in the stocks in Salem. My husband got a kick out of it.

My husband and I "walking" the Freedom Trail in Boston.

This is my sister, my husband and I at the Top of the Hub restaurant in the Prudential building. we went to celebrate my 30th birthday!

I'm a little behind in my TW reading. Last night I did the Day 7 Emotional Eating exercise. It was really informative. One mechanism in my personal "Fat Machinery" that wasn't listed was apathy. Eating because I just don't care. It happens not when I'm mad or frustrated, but when I just don't want to put out any more effort. I think my battle against apathy will be life-long because it has been a huge part of my growing-up life and it permeates so many aspects (work, friends, family, etc.).