And the Lord saw me through it :)
It was busy and I wasn't in the Word as much as I needed to be and I felt the lack. Now, thank God, I have less demands and more time to spend on what matters most.
My ladies' Bible study is now going through "The Search for Significance" (I had done the study alone at the beginning of the year). We were talking about some of God's attributes as well as the things that God says about us that are true. For example, we talked of His righteousness and that He made us righteous. He will not take away our righteousness that He has chosen to freely give us. I started thinking about the other things that he WON'T take away and I was reminded of this post of yours. It's such a good reminder of who He is! Also, it's good to know what He does do, what He can do so I can also know what He can't do. He can't be unloving toward me. He can't, because that's not His nature and His nature is immutable. He can't make mistakes because He is all-powerful. He can't wait to figure out how to solve a problem later because He is all-knowing. He can't be taken apart, becuase He is unity. Amazing.
I've been confronted a lot recently with questions and condemnation about my faith in God and in Jesus as the Christ. While much of faith is belief without sight, I know that the Lord made me an intelligent, rational being who is capable of investigating and examining the facts and coming to a conclusion. There is one thing that I can't get past with those who do not believe that God exists. If we are all there is and we don't need God, then why don't I meet more caring, joyful, at peace, not angry, unconditionally loving people who believe that God doesn't exist? Why do they all appear (to me, in my limited sight and understanding) so be versions of the angry, sarcastic, self-focused person that I used to be before I knew God? Others ask me to prove God exists by my behavior, I guess I would ask them to prove that He doesn't by theirs.
19 October 2010
23 September 2010
Sukkot - Feast of Booths
Last month my husband and I started taking a class called "Discovering Judaism" at a local temple. I am enjoying it immensely. I've had a few Christian friends wonder why I'm not doing it at a Messianic temple. Honestly, sometimes I feel a little condemned. Well, the main reason is that this class is being offered at a Reform Jewish temple. I take it where I can.
My motivation for taking the class at all is to learn about Judaism. I go to a church (like many) which is heavy on the New Testament. Jesus is a Jew. He celebrated their holidays and followed their customs. I want to know more about Him, so I want to learn more about Judaism. I want to understand the New Testament better, so I want to learn more about the Old Testament. Also, I like learning abou other people and customs. It helps me understand them better and value them more.
This class that I'm taking is for anyone interested, but it especially serves as a basis for those seeking conversion to Judaism (most frequently due to a relationship with a person who is Jewish). The class meets weekly-ish and we have books to read and events to attend. I've learned something fun a new every time and I hope to journal out more of it here.
Last night I attened the first night of Sukkot service. This is the Feast of Booths/Tabernacles/Ingathering, depending on the translation. This was a huge holiday in Jesus' time (during the existence of the Temple in Jerusalem). It come right on the heels of the most solemn days in the Jewish calendar known as the "Days of Awe" or the "High Holy Days" which include Rosh Hashanna (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). These are days of self-refelction and contemplation. After all of the seriousness, they celebrate Sukkot - a week of thanksgiving, joy and rest. It serves to give thanks for the harvest. In remembrance of their agricultural past, they build little sukkot, "booths" or shacks, outside that offer some shade and shelter, but are frail, just like farmers would build near their fields for shelter during the laborious task of harvesting.
At the brief service last night, the congegation first had a picnic outside of the temple next to their sukkah (singular of sukkot). They then sang songs in Hebrew, including part of the Hallel (Psalms 113-188), which is normally read during this time of year. The Rabbi talked about how one of the songs is a prayer to God asking Him to provide us with "sukkah shalom" - shelter of peace. He quoted another rabbi who thought that this referred to the fact that the building of peace is fragile and must be continually worked at. I was thinking that maybe it's reminiscent of those of us who follow the Lord - we live in these frail bodies and we need Him to complete us with His peace ("shalom" comes from a root word meaning "complete" - I'll save my amazment about that for another entry).
There was one song in particular last night that I'd like to know the meaning to. All of the songs were in Hebrew and I guess that's great for those who went to Hebrew school as a kid. The temple also offers Hebrew classes for adults and I hope to take it the next time they star a beginners class :)
***Disclaimer: In the rare event that anyone actually reads this and sees some fault in my understanding of Jweish belief or culture, please forgive me and correct me. I write nothing out of ill-will.
My motivation for taking the class at all is to learn about Judaism. I go to a church (like many) which is heavy on the New Testament. Jesus is a Jew. He celebrated their holidays and followed their customs. I want to know more about Him, so I want to learn more about Judaism. I want to understand the New Testament better, so I want to learn more about the Old Testament. Also, I like learning abou other people and customs. It helps me understand them better and value them more.
This class that I'm taking is for anyone interested, but it especially serves as a basis for those seeking conversion to Judaism (most frequently due to a relationship with a person who is Jewish). The class meets weekly-ish and we have books to read and events to attend. I've learned something fun a new every time and I hope to journal out more of it here.
Last night I attened the first night of Sukkot service. This is the Feast of Booths/Tabernacles/Ingathering, depending on the translation. This was a huge holiday in Jesus' time (during the existence of the Temple in Jerusalem). It come right on the heels of the most solemn days in the Jewish calendar known as the "Days of Awe" or the "High Holy Days" which include Rosh Hashanna (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). These are days of self-refelction and contemplation. After all of the seriousness, they celebrate Sukkot - a week of thanksgiving, joy and rest. It serves to give thanks for the harvest. In remembrance of their agricultural past, they build little sukkot, "booths" or shacks, outside that offer some shade and shelter, but are frail, just like farmers would build near their fields for shelter during the laborious task of harvesting.
At the brief service last night, the congegation first had a picnic outside of the temple next to their sukkah (singular of sukkot). They then sang songs in Hebrew, including part of the Hallel (Psalms 113-188), which is normally read during this time of year. The Rabbi talked about how one of the songs is a prayer to God asking Him to provide us with "sukkah shalom" - shelter of peace. He quoted another rabbi who thought that this referred to the fact that the building of peace is fragile and must be continually worked at. I was thinking that maybe it's reminiscent of those of us who follow the Lord - we live in these frail bodies and we need Him to complete us with His peace ("shalom" comes from a root word meaning "complete" - I'll save my amazment about that for another entry).
There was one song in particular last night that I'd like to know the meaning to. All of the songs were in Hebrew and I guess that's great for those who went to Hebrew school as a kid. The temple also offers Hebrew classes for adults and I hope to take it the next time they star a beginners class :)
***Disclaimer: In the rare event that anyone actually reads this and sees some fault in my understanding of Jweish belief or culture, please forgive me and correct me. I write nothing out of ill-will.
06 August 2010
You are God!
You are God!
Most high of the heavens
Creator of all things
Provider of good
Lover of my soul!
You both create and allow circumstances
You let us make our own decisions
For our good and for our bad
For Your glory and for man's
We are hurting, Lord!
We are needy
Destitute, even
Our comfort is gone
Good times are fleeting
Over and over again we choose ourselves
We choose flesh and decay over You
The One who is eternal
Who was and is and will be
We are hurting, Lord!
We hurt ourselves
We hurt each other
And our ever-present foe decimates us
You are the source of all wisdom
All glory and honor are Yours!
You are the source of all good
And your Love never fails.
Ever.
We are hurting, Lord!
Because we don't cry out to You
In our pride we seek power
Our individualism incapacitates us
From loving You and loving others.
We are hurting, Lord!
And You allow it.
You orchestrate it, even.
What will we do in this pain?
Will we go to You?
Be comforted in Your Truth?
Or will be try to fix it ourselves?
Will we hurt another to feel better?
We are hurting, Lord!
I wish I could assuage the pain.
I wish that a word or a look or an act were enough
But You alone are sufficient
And You are all-sufficient
You are God!
You are God!
I love You!
I submit to You!
and I rest in You.
Most high of the heavens
Creator of all things
Provider of good
Lover of my soul!
You both create and allow circumstances
You let us make our own decisions
For our good and for our bad
For Your glory and for man's
We are hurting, Lord!
We are needy
Destitute, even
Our comfort is gone
Good times are fleeting
Over and over again we choose ourselves
We choose flesh and decay over You
The One who is eternal
Who was and is and will be
We are hurting, Lord!
We hurt ourselves
We hurt each other
And our ever-present foe decimates us
You are the source of all wisdom
All glory and honor are Yours!
You are the source of all good
And your Love never fails.
Ever.
We are hurting, Lord!
Because we don't cry out to You
In our pride we seek power
Our individualism incapacitates us
From loving You and loving others.
We are hurting, Lord!
And You allow it.
You orchestrate it, even.
What will we do in this pain?
Will we go to You?
Be comforted in Your Truth?
Or will be try to fix it ourselves?
Will we hurt another to feel better?
We are hurting, Lord!
I wish I could assuage the pain.
I wish that a word or a look or an act were enough
But You alone are sufficient
And You are all-sufficient
You are God!
You are God!
I love You!
I submit to You!
and I rest in You.
04 August 2010
Article from Relevant Magazine
This article is about the topic of gluttony. While it does include some facts, it is mainly an op/ed piece (as are most of the articles on this site). I am thankful that they chose to cover this subject, as it is a sin that I deal with daily.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/22316-is-gluttony-destroying-the-world
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/22316-is-gluttony-destroying-the-world
16 July 2010
Angry, fearful and needy
I started this online journal a couple of years ago because I felt I needed a place to write and I didn't really want to have a written, hard-copy journal (fear that someone would find it and read it!). Now, I sometimes I'm afraid of writing here, I mean, this is open to the entire world!
sigh.
So what am I afraid of? Of being found out? Of people knowing that I'm needy/angry/scared/imperfect? I've had people tell me that I don't appear scared, but the truth is that I'm afraid all of the time. I'm afraid of not being good enough (for others, for myself). I know that this fear is rooted in the fact that I don't believe that what God says about me is True. I don't believe that I can do all things through Him who gives me the strength to do them. I don't believe that my body is a holy temple of God - or that I myself am holy. I don't believe that I am worthy to be His servant. This list goes on and on.
I don't believe those things because I choose to believe the lies that I hear in the world. I choose to believe that I'm a hypocrite for saying one thing and doing another. I believe I'm a failure because I failed once again. I believe I'm stupid, irresponsible, unworthy, useless and have no capacity for love or compassion.
When I believe those things I get angry. I get angry at myself because I'm not good enough. I get angry at myself for believing lies. I get angry at others for judging me (real or imagined judgment). I get angry a God for not being my wish-fulfilling genie.
When I get angry, I get sad. When I remain (abide) in that fear, anger and sadness I get depressed.
Depression sucks.
Then, I finally realize that I'm needy. I need to be able to get out of bed. I need to stop focusing on myself. I need to stop crying. I need someone who pull me out, stand me up, clean me off and get me on my way.
I'm certainly not patient, but David's Psalm 40 comes to mind (verses 1-4):
I realize that I am needy of a Savior. To save me from myself. To save me from my "stinking thinking". someone to whom I can go and be renewed.
Romans 12:1-2
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
When will I learn, Lord? When will I be able to stop the pity party before it even starts? When will I be able to love others and have compassion for them? Come quickly, Lord Jesus, because I need some serious rescuing!
sigh.
So what am I afraid of? Of being found out? Of people knowing that I'm needy/angry/scared/imperfect? I've had people tell me that I don't appear scared, but the truth is that I'm afraid all of the time. I'm afraid of not being good enough (for others, for myself). I know that this fear is rooted in the fact that I don't believe that what God says about me is True. I don't believe that I can do all things through Him who gives me the strength to do them. I don't believe that my body is a holy temple of God - or that I myself am holy. I don't believe that I am worthy to be His servant. This list goes on and on.
I don't believe those things because I choose to believe the lies that I hear in the world. I choose to believe that I'm a hypocrite for saying one thing and doing another. I believe I'm a failure because I failed once again. I believe I'm stupid, irresponsible, unworthy, useless and have no capacity for love or compassion.
When I believe those things I get angry. I get angry at myself because I'm not good enough. I get angry at myself for believing lies. I get angry at others for judging me (real or imagined judgment). I get angry a God for not being my wish-fulfilling genie.
When I get angry, I get sad. When I remain (abide) in that fear, anger and sadness I get depressed.
Depression sucks.
Then, I finally realize that I'm needy. I need to be able to get out of bed. I need to stop focusing on myself. I need to stop crying. I need someone who pull me out, stand me up, clean me off and get me on my way.
I'm certainly not patient, but David's Psalm 40 comes to mind (verses 1-4):
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
I realize that I am needy of a Savior. To save me from myself. To save me from my "stinking thinking". someone to whom I can go and be renewed.
Romans 12:1-2
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
When will I learn, Lord? When will I be able to stop the pity party before it even starts? When will I be able to love others and have compassion for them? Come quickly, Lord Jesus, because I need some serious rescuing!
12 July 2010
Lord and King
I found the following blog this morning. The author includes a bit of one of his sermons. The topic has to do with Israel's desire for a king - a god-like king who would rule over them and take them victoriously into battle. I especially like how he writes "But the Bible tells us you don’t need a god-like king when you have a king-like God."
http://thepursuitofmanhood.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog
http://thepursuitofmanhood.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog
Consistency
I've come to realize that many of my areas of sin and struggle are directly related to a lack of consistency in my life. I previously had major issues with male authority and marriage until I realized that they stemmed from the lack of a consistent father-figure in my life. I hated the notion of "submission" because I had never seen it practiced in a consistent, loving fashion. I have spun my wheels in various areas of spiritual growth because I have chosen not to be consistent in my time with the Lord over these matters.
I was reminded this morning that the life that I now live is one of discipleship. It's not a class. I don't have a bunch of assignments to check off and turn in. I'm not just looking for a passing grade. This is life-long and I have a very demanding Rabbi that I sit under. Well, not TOO demanding - in fact, He does most of the work for me. I just have to make the choice to submit to Him. In everything. Always.
Why do I continue to struggle? When will I give up on having "my way"? When will I decide that His way is best?
Lord, I am tired of fighting myself! I know it's disobedience. I know I need refining. I know one of your goals for me is my sanctification. Help me to stop thrashing against you. Help me rest. Help me trust. You are so kind, so merciful, so gracious, so loving - there's no superlative strong enough to describe your goodness! Without you I am at a total loss. Without you I am totally unable to choose you. I don't even know what I need or what's good for me! Show me your way. Thank you for blessing me and for your discipline!
He loves me!!!
I was reminded this morning that the life that I now live is one of discipleship. It's not a class. I don't have a bunch of assignments to check off and turn in. I'm not just looking for a passing grade. This is life-long and I have a very demanding Rabbi that I sit under. Well, not TOO demanding - in fact, He does most of the work for me. I just have to make the choice to submit to Him. In everything. Always.
Why do I continue to struggle? When will I give up on having "my way"? When will I decide that His way is best?
Lord, I am tired of fighting myself! I know it's disobedience. I know I need refining. I know one of your goals for me is my sanctification. Help me to stop thrashing against you. Help me rest. Help me trust. You are so kind, so merciful, so gracious, so loving - there's no superlative strong enough to describe your goodness! Without you I am at a total loss. Without you I am totally unable to choose you. I don't even know what I need or what's good for me! Show me your way. Thank you for blessing me and for your discipline!
He loves me!!!
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