Article on submission

I am learning that the real hindrance to my ability to walk in the Spirit is my unwillingness to submit. I found a help article that I think gives a good, practical, biblical overview of submission:

http://bible.org/seriespage/taking-second-look-submission-1-peter-213-37

Depression diet

My pastor shared this diet for depression yesterday:

The following diet is designed to help you cope with the stress, paranoia, depression and delusion that builds during the holidays...

Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

Remember, stressed spelled backwards = desserts.

I was actually pretty sad to hear it - and even sadder when everyone laughed at it. I won't say that I've eaten this exactly, but I have had some startling binges in the past.

Sure, I ate more this weekend than I should have, but it was less than last year (woohoo!)
It's the little victories. :)

Treasure in the arms of Christ

This song, Forgiven, by Sanctus Real has been blowing me away in the last couple of weeks. I'm so thankful for it!

Well the past is playing with my head

And failure knocks me down again

I'm reminded of the wrong

That I have said and done

And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life I know what I've been

But here in your arms I know what I am

I'm forgiven I'm forgiven

And I dont have to carry

The weight of who I've been

Cause I'm forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind

And I'll relive my days, in the middle of the night

And I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride

Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere

When I don’t measure up to much in this life

Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ

On-line quiz

Yesterday I let myself be suckered in to taking an on-line quiz from a psychology website. The quiz was about emotional eating. I tried, as best as possible, to honestly answer according to my current beliefs and actions. It was pretty lengthy. I thought, or maybe I was hoping, the site would "diagnose" me or, at least, help me uncover an area to work on or some flesh machinery to deal with.

Nope. None of that. According to their quiz I have a healthy perception of food and body image. Part of me want to sigh with relief, "Thank God", but the truth is that I find this result disturbing. I know what I have running around in my brain and much of it is totally unhealthy, besides being ungodly. I wondered how they make their determination. What are my answers measured up against? The world? Worldly wisdom? The behavior of others? At any rate it can't be very rigorous.

This leaves me with two thoughts:
1. There must be A LOT OF WOMEN out there in massive bondage to sinful/ungodly conceptions about food and body.
2. The Lord will is never-changing an the only thing against which I measure my life.

The first thought saddens me so much! Lord, make me a vessel of Your love so You can minister to other women who need You so badly! I am so thankful for the second thought. The only thing worthwhile as a measuring stick for my beliefs and actions is God's will acted out by Jesus as my example! Anything less is fruitless and not of Him. Thank You, Lord, for showing me Your Truth and thank You for giving me everything I need for life and godliness!

Reality

In the reality that comes from above

God is good, there's no bigger love.

It's His reality that welcomes us back

Trust and obey, there is no other way

- The Newsboys

These last several days have given me a good opportunity to focus on reality. It must be something that is missing in my life, because the Lord is giving me many lessons in it.

On Saturday my husband and I drove to another city to see the Newsboys play. It was so fun. Michael Tate, formerly with DC Talk, is the new lead singer for the Newsboys. I never considered that they might play some old DC Talk songs, but they did! It was like high school/college all over again!

So, that put me on a Newsboys listening trip. I was listening to one of their albums with the song "Reality" whose lyrics I've quoted above. God's reality is so totally different from this world. In His plan, we are to trust and obey (I'm singing the hymn in my head). That is the True way to live, but in my flesh and in this world I am deluded into thinking that myself and my wants and my feelings are the true reality. Yuck! Thank God it's not!

On Sunday we saw a theatre version of C.S. Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters". It's one of my favorite Lewis books. Of course they can't condense the whole book into a 90-minute program, but I think they did a pretty good job. The gist of it is that a senior demon, Screwtape, is writing letters to a underling, Wormwood, giving him advice on how to keep his assigned human from (1) becoming a Christian and (2) being an effective, victorious Christian. At one point Screwtape gives the suggestion of keeping the human from really contemplating what reality is.

This is so vital! To know what true reality really is. If I numb myself to it by TV, books, Internet or even by things that I consider good, like doing projects are church, then I loose sight of God's plan for my life and I rob Him of His glory.

In week 9 of the Thin Within workbook #1 we are looking at 1 Corinthians 6.12:

Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial.

Everything is permissible for me - but I will not be mastered by anything.

I came to the realization that I am still very mastered by lies and inanimate objects. How crazy is it that the ice cream in my freezer has any power over me? The reality is that I give it power. How base is it that the values of the world have power over me? The reality is that I choose to believe lies.

I am taking a stand against believing lies. It's amazing how many of them are ingrained in me and swimming around in my head! I don't even know how much I have to unlearn! It's daunting, but I can never move forward until I come to the realization that I freely choose to believe lies. Only then can I choose to believe God's eternal truth instead.

I feel like I'm writing grandiose statements - I'm doing it on purpose so I can, at a later point, come back and see the gravity of the situation and my desperate need for freedom to believe the truth.

Thank you, God, for getting me to this point! I will choose to trust you to take me to the next!

Slow down!

I think a major kink in my walk towards submission are my constant knee-jerk reactions.

I do everything quickly: I make decisions quickly, I walk quickly, I talk quickly!

I've got to sloooow doooown and let the Lord lead rather than taking control every instant!

I'm working through week 8 of Thin Within workbook #1. This week we are introduced to the Eight Keys to Conscious Eating. On day 4 of this week the first question asks me to note how many of these keys relate to Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". I think almost all of them do (I can't quite figure out yet how to make #5 fit: "I ate and drank only the things my body loved").

I want to add the importance of giving thanks. I've got to slow way down to honestly pray to God. Being sure to always give thanks is such a great reminder to slow down and enjoy God's provision. Plus, it's hard to shove food down my throat if I'm recounting His blessings! :)

Additionally, I feel God challenging me to be thankful more. I've been frustrated recently by others who seem to constantly find fault and enforce their own way. I know that I do the same (even when I'm unaware!) and so now I'm praying about fostering a thankful heart and attitude. I know that even though I may not "feel" thankful at times, the true thankfulness will come with obedience.

Lord, help me to slow down. Help me to enjoy each and every moment that you provide for me. Help me to make the most of the time that yo have allotted to me on this earth. Teach me to be thankful and to act according to your timing - no slower, no quicker. There are so many things about me that I'd like to change. I want to be a loving person, a gracious person, a person who knows You and your mercy inside and out. change me into you, Lord.

I have moments of such desire for the Lord, but they are fleeting. I so want to serve Him and to be a positive reflection of Him in this wirld - in my community, work and home. That kind of total submission is what He asks of me. He doesn't ask me to be thin! He just asks me to believe Him!

I want a cookie

Ok, right now, I don't really want a cookie (woo-hoo! I'll praise God for even this little moment), but I often feel like I want a cookie. I've started saying it out loud. It helps me take control of that feeling, that desire, to eat something sweet and fatty (sugar, fat and salt: the trifecta of addictive foods!).

For example, when I go home tonight, if I'm feeling flesh-y (for whatever reason: stress, frustration, hormones, selfishness, etc.), I might open the pantry and say to my husband, "I want a cookie". He then tends to respond with, "No you don't" or "We don't have any". It may sound odd, but it helps me to get over the craving if I can put a voice to it.

For some time now I've thought that I was going along pretty well, voicing my flesh desire and dealing with it. I realized today, however, that even when I "deal" with this flesh issue, I am ignoring the spiritual issue.

The truth is, I need the Lord. Even when I don't feel like it.

The only way that I will ever have victory in the flesh is to focus on the eternal, spiritual, loving, all-knowing God whose Spirit has taken up residence inside my heart.

Lord, draw me to You! Even in apparent moment of fleshly victory I am still lost without You. Be my all, Lord. Also, change me into a person who is thankful and who is known for gracious thankfulness. You've done so much for me, for us! Remind me to declare it. It is truth! Amen.