Yesterday I felt famished all day. I had two bowls of cereal for breakfast and a large bowl of curry and rice for lunch. I think it's because I was dehydrated.
I also really wanted a cookie.
I tend to have these cravings that are insistent. Since starting the TW book study I have had success in not succumbing to them. Last night was not one of those times. When I got home, I just wanted something sweet - I wanted a cookie. But, we don't have any (as my husband says it's because I haven't made any). So, I had a little ice cream with a piece of chocolate. It wasn't much, but I wasn't hungry. This lead me down the path to stuffing my face with my husband's sugared cereal. I ate like 4 bowls worth. It was terrible.
I ate so much that I was too full to go to the gym. Double-whammy.
Observe and correct! I did that which DOES NOT serve me. I hope I remember to go to the Lord next time instead of the Costco-sized bag of cereal.
:)
22 July 2009
20 July 2009
Prayer
Apparently the Lord really wants to get it through my head that prayer is important! It's not that I don't pray but my prayer life is lacking. The Lord is not the central focus in most of my activities/relationships. Thank you, God, for teaching me this before I get too far away!
Our church is going through a sermon series on prayer. It's been really great to learn about prayer in a new way. Yesterday the sermon title was "prayer faux pas" - that maybe our prayers reflect what we feel we need rather than what God wants most for us. The pastor gave us various examples from Paul's prayers in Ephesians 1 and 4 and Colossians 1 about what to pray for. Some of the topics were the knowledge of God, wisdom from Him, purity and peace - these all being things more eternally essential than even important issues on earth like health and basic necessities.
The pastor also pointed out some prayers that sound good but may not be reasonable. My favorite example is about saying grace before the meal:
"Dear Lord, thank you for this Big Mac. Bless it to nourish my body. Amen"
That is, praying that the Lord will give my Big Mac the same kind of nutrition as a bowl of veggies. :) This was a great example for me because it made me think of some of the shallow or self-serving prayers that I have said during my study in the TW book.
Lord, teach me to pray! Help me to praise You for who You are and to ask for Your guidance, leading and care. Lord, show me what You want for my life and correct me when I ask You to bless MY plan. Amen.
Our church is going through a sermon series on prayer. It's been really great to learn about prayer in a new way. Yesterday the sermon title was "prayer faux pas" - that maybe our prayers reflect what we feel we need rather than what God wants most for us. The pastor gave us various examples from Paul's prayers in Ephesians 1 and 4 and Colossians 1 about what to pray for. Some of the topics were the knowledge of God, wisdom from Him, purity and peace - these all being things more eternally essential than even important issues on earth like health and basic necessities.
The pastor also pointed out some prayers that sound good but may not be reasonable. My favorite example is about saying grace before the meal:
"Dear Lord, thank you for this Big Mac. Bless it to nourish my body. Amen"
That is, praying that the Lord will give my Big Mac the same kind of nutrition as a bowl of veggies. :) This was a great example for me because it made me think of some of the shallow or self-serving prayers that I have said during my study in the TW book.
Lord, teach me to pray! Help me to praise You for who You are and to ask for Your guidance, leading and care. Lord, show me what You want for my life and correct me when I ask You to bless MY plan. Amen.
19 July 2009
TW days 15 and 16
I have had some difficulty with the activities in days 15 and 16 in the TW book. I see that I still have a lot to give over to the Lord.
First, I see my lack of prayerful eating. I may pray before eating, but I often lack in speaking to the Lord while I'm eating. I am not practicing the conscious eating key #2 "Reduce the number of distractions to eat in a clam environment". I've noticed mainly that either 1) I am paying attention to the people that I am eating with and not to my food; 2) I am choosing distraction by reading, having the TV on or 'multi-tasking' at work; or 3) I have been at a 0 for longer than I want and therefore I scarf down whatever is laid in front of me.
In the day 15 activity, "The first meal of the rest of your life", I found it was hard to be still with the Lord and to eat slowly. This is something that I need to pray about. Obviously, even though I may not be using food to push down emotions as before, I am still finding ways to avoid feeling things that are uncomfortable.
I think this was a helpful and very apropos activity to mark the halfway point through the book.
The day 16 activity was hard because I had to face some significant (i.e. difficult) times in my life. One thing I found in all of them, however, was that God made Himself known to me at just the right moment. Just when I thought I was going to lose it, He showed Himself in love to me. I also realized that three of the moments that I chose came to a head at about the same time - 8th grade - which was also when I came to know the Lord as my Savior. I always look back at my junior high years as a dreadful time, but this activity helped me to see that the Lord allowed such things so that my heart would be ready for Him.
I was additionally struck by a sentence at the top of page 161:
"And He empowers us by His amazing grace to experience the results He desires."
I live in a time and place where the term 'empowerment' is thrown around all of the time (and it is such a hard term to define in other cultures - it's difficult to translate at work!). The thing is, it's always spoken of in terms of 'self-empowerment' - that I am to do something to make myself able. That's a sham! How do I make myself more powerful? I can try to convince myself and others that I am, but that doesn't really mean it. The power that I am comes from the Holy God living in me!
The Lord says in Exodus 9:16:
"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."
And this promise He gives in Acts 1:8:
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
So, I have His power. How? By His amazing grace! It is so undeserved, but I am so thankful that He give it to me. This grace is His unmerited favor towards me. Why? Simply because I am His creation and loved by the One whose name is love (1 John 3).
Lastly, and this is the most profound to me, "...to experience the results He desires." He works His power and grace in me with the result being His plan. Not my plan. His plan is great, magnificent, awe-inspiring and, even though He does care about the most minute details of my life, including my weight, His ultimate results have nothing to do with my physical body. His desire, I believe, is reflected in many of Paul's prayers for believers:
Colossians 1.9-12:
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Nothing in this prayer refers to weight gain, good health, having a job or even providing for my family. Every request has to do with my spiritual health and relationship with the Lord.
Father, thank you so much for these activities in the TW book. They're so hard at times. You know it! But I;m thankful for them because they show me how You have been present in my life even in the hard times. You are amazingly and abundantly more gracious, loving and kind than I could ever imagine or hope for. Let me not waste your goodness! Help me be a good steward of everything that You give me for whatever amount of time that You keep me here. Praise Your name, Holiest God, Jehovah jirah (my provider) and el-roi (the God who sees). Amen!
First, I see my lack of prayerful eating. I may pray before eating, but I often lack in speaking to the Lord while I'm eating. I am not practicing the conscious eating key #2 "Reduce the number of distractions to eat in a clam environment". I've noticed mainly that either 1) I am paying attention to the people that I am eating with and not to my food; 2) I am choosing distraction by reading, having the TV on or 'multi-tasking' at work; or 3) I have been at a 0 for longer than I want and therefore I scarf down whatever is laid in front of me.
In the day 15 activity, "The first meal of the rest of your life", I found it was hard to be still with the Lord and to eat slowly. This is something that I need to pray about. Obviously, even though I may not be using food to push down emotions as before, I am still finding ways to avoid feeling things that are uncomfortable.
I think this was a helpful and very apropos activity to mark the halfway point through the book.
The day 16 activity was hard because I had to face some significant (i.e. difficult) times in my life. One thing I found in all of them, however, was that God made Himself known to me at just the right moment. Just when I thought I was going to lose it, He showed Himself in love to me. I also realized that three of the moments that I chose came to a head at about the same time - 8th grade - which was also when I came to know the Lord as my Savior. I always look back at my junior high years as a dreadful time, but this activity helped me to see that the Lord allowed such things so that my heart would be ready for Him.
I was additionally struck by a sentence at the top of page 161:
"And He empowers us by His amazing grace to experience the results He desires."
I live in a time and place where the term 'empowerment' is thrown around all of the time (and it is such a hard term to define in other cultures - it's difficult to translate at work!). The thing is, it's always spoken of in terms of 'self-empowerment' - that I am to do something to make myself able. That's a sham! How do I make myself more powerful? I can try to convince myself and others that I am, but that doesn't really mean it. The power that I am comes from the Holy God living in me!
The Lord says in Exodus 9:16:
"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."
And this promise He gives in Acts 1:8:
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
So, I have His power. How? By His amazing grace! It is so undeserved, but I am so thankful that He give it to me. This grace is His unmerited favor towards me. Why? Simply because I am His creation and loved by the One whose name is love (1 John 3).
Lastly, and this is the most profound to me, "...to experience the results He desires." He works His power and grace in me with the result being His plan. Not my plan. His plan is great, magnificent, awe-inspiring and, even though He does care about the most minute details of my life, including my weight, His ultimate results have nothing to do with my physical body. His desire, I believe, is reflected in many of Paul's prayers for believers:
Colossians 1.9-12:
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Nothing in this prayer refers to weight gain, good health, having a job or even providing for my family. Every request has to do with my spiritual health and relationship with the Lord.
Father, thank you so much for these activities in the TW book. They're so hard at times. You know it! But I;m thankful for them because they show me how You have been present in my life even in the hard times. You are amazingly and abundantly more gracious, loving and kind than I could ever imagine or hope for. Let me not waste your goodness! Help me be a good steward of everything that You give me for whatever amount of time that You keep me here. Praise Your name, Holiest God, Jehovah jirah (my provider) and el-roi (the God who sees). Amen!
14 July 2009
Cautious freedom
I was reading through some of Heidi's older posts (http://godisdoinganewthing.blogspot.com/) about eating and exercise and felt like I could relate.
About this time 4 years ago I started losing weight by obsessively counting calories and working out. It did me some good in the short term. I lost about 20 pounds (only to find them again). Actually, my lowest is only a tad less than my current weight.
The difference between then and now is that before I felt like it was a huge struggle and sacrifice. I gave myself X calories per day and I was constantly keeping a running total in my head. I worked out every day for at least an hour. Sometimes I was at the gym 3-4 hours on a Saturday. At that time I was working on my master's thesis and as soon as I had to pour all of my time and energy into the project, I had to quit going to the gym so often. With that, the weight poured back on. I gained back everything I lost within 3-4 months (it was also over Christmas).
Also, during that time, I was really vain. I was constantly checking myself out in mirrors (or reflective windows - anything shiny) and, since I had a nice income, I spent a lot on new clothing. I constantly wanted to look good. [Side note - it was during this time that I met my now-husband, so maybe at least it benefited him - hehehe]
The Lord has been so wonderful to me in 2009 in respect to gluttony and body issues. Using the TW principles I don't feel deprived. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing so much (blah, blah, blah). I feel free and I feel like God is going to do more.
That said, I'm optimistically cautious. I have a limit as to how much working out I can do in a given week. Part of that is so I don't obsess. The other part is that I know it's not sustainable over the long term. At some point I won't be able to work out 5-7 times in a week, so I don't start. (Ok, there was one week back in April when I went 5 times in a week, but I knew it was just a special case because I got to go to some free dance classes with my coworker.) Three is a good, healthy limit for me currently.
Part of this limit is because my mind-set was that of an 'exercise bulimic'. I thought, "If I can just work out enough, I can eat what I want." I've know for a long time that my bondage to food was the reason I was overweight. I thought that, as long as I could burn off the calories, I could eat whatever I pleased. I've struggled with this so much and I've known, as a follower of Christ, that gluttony is a sin. So, I started searching out biblical truth about gluttony and sin hoping to be freed, but focusing on the "bad-ness" of the sin doesn't save me from it. Only Christ does. I knew that I couldn't possibly exercise enough to burn all of the calories that I desired to consume. I was so frustrated!
I've gone through the materials of "The Lord's Table". It's good, solid information, but I wasn't ready to give it all up. After the 30 days was over, I essentially went back to eating as before. Because of that, it's essential that I don't look at Thin Within as a program, or day 30 as a limit. These are just keys to guide me to the Lord.
At the beginning of Thin Within (day 3, I think), we're asked to set a God-directed goal for the duration of the study. I didn't set one because I didn't hear anything from God. I think He just wants me to persevere and He'll tell me when I've made it to my destination. Sure, I've got personal goals that I would love to attain: have a BMI in the "normal weight" range, wear single-digit sized pants, go down a size on my wedding ring... but I figure that if I put myself into the Lord's hands, He'll do whatever is best.
About this time 4 years ago I started losing weight by obsessively counting calories and working out. It did me some good in the short term. I lost about 20 pounds (only to find them again). Actually, my lowest is only a tad less than my current weight.
The difference between then and now is that before I felt like it was a huge struggle and sacrifice. I gave myself X calories per day and I was constantly keeping a running total in my head. I worked out every day for at least an hour. Sometimes I was at the gym 3-4 hours on a Saturday. At that time I was working on my master's thesis and as soon as I had to pour all of my time and energy into the project, I had to quit going to the gym so often. With that, the weight poured back on. I gained back everything I lost within 3-4 months (it was also over Christmas).
Also, during that time, I was really vain. I was constantly checking myself out in mirrors (or reflective windows - anything shiny) and, since I had a nice income, I spent a lot on new clothing. I constantly wanted to look good. [Side note - it was during this time that I met my now-husband, so maybe at least it benefited him - hehehe]
The Lord has been so wonderful to me in 2009 in respect to gluttony and body issues. Using the TW principles I don't feel deprived. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing so much (blah, blah, blah). I feel free and I feel like God is going to do more.
That said, I'm optimistically cautious. I have a limit as to how much working out I can do in a given week. Part of that is so I don't obsess. The other part is that I know it's not sustainable over the long term. At some point I won't be able to work out 5-7 times in a week, so I don't start. (Ok, there was one week back in April when I went 5 times in a week, but I knew it was just a special case because I got to go to some free dance classes with my coworker.) Three is a good, healthy limit for me currently.
Part of this limit is because my mind-set was that of an 'exercise bulimic'. I thought, "If I can just work out enough, I can eat what I want." I've know for a long time that my bondage to food was the reason I was overweight. I thought that, as long as I could burn off the calories, I could eat whatever I pleased. I've struggled with this so much and I've known, as a follower of Christ, that gluttony is a sin. So, I started searching out biblical truth about gluttony and sin hoping to be freed, but focusing on the "bad-ness" of the sin doesn't save me from it. Only Christ does. I knew that I couldn't possibly exercise enough to burn all of the calories that I desired to consume. I was so frustrated!
I've gone through the materials of "The Lord's Table". It's good, solid information, but I wasn't ready to give it all up. After the 30 days was over, I essentially went back to eating as before. Because of that, it's essential that I don't look at Thin Within as a program, or day 30 as a limit. These are just keys to guide me to the Lord.
At the beginning of Thin Within (day 3, I think), we're asked to set a God-directed goal for the duration of the study. I didn't set one because I didn't hear anything from God. I think He just wants me to persevere and He'll tell me when I've made it to my destination. Sure, I've got personal goals that I would love to attain: have a BMI in the "normal weight" range, wear single-digit sized pants, go down a size on my wedding ring... but I figure that if I put myself into the Lord's hands, He'll do whatever is best.
13 July 2009
Surrounded by God and other thoughts
I was finishing up my Beth Moore homework in the "Stepping Up" series which has been a great companion in my walk through TW. I wanted just to share some of the amazing things I read.
Psalm 125:2
As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore.
Stepping Up (SU) p. 71:
God has you surrounded. His presence looms over you from every direction.
What a joyful promise!
Psalm 126
1 When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed.
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them."
3 The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
4 Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negev.
5 Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
6 He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
In explaining the importance to sow in order to reap, Beth shares this story (SU p.81)
I sit here stupefied. Why have I struggled to "get it"? for so long? Why haven't I made more progress in my walk despite enormous amounts of good teaching and community? Because I ate the seed instead of sowing it. For so many years that I read about the armor of God, rather than giving it a place to take root in my life, I just ingested the message and moved on.
(Of course, the pun about "eating" the seed is not lost on me in my journey to freedom from gluttony.)
Lord, help me not to be wasteful with Your word and teaching. Remind me to meditate on it and find an application for it so there will be an affect on my life. Be glorified, Lord, because You have changed me.
Psalm 125:2
As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore.
Stepping Up (SU) p. 71:
God has you surrounded. His presence looms over you from every direction.
What a joyful promise!
Psalm 126
1 When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed.
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them."
3 The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
4 Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negev.
5 Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
6 He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
In explaining the importance to sow in order to reap, Beth shares this story (SU p.81)
"Isak Pretorius said, 'One of the most frustrating things is that in villages where they receive seed, they often eat the seed rather than planting it and bringing forth harvest.' I couldn't get the statement out of my mind and suddenly had an answer to the questions I most often ask God: Why do some people see the results of the Word and others don't? Why do some study the Word of God yet remain in their captivity?"
I sit here stupefied. Why have I struggled to "get it"? for so long? Why haven't I made more progress in my walk despite enormous amounts of good teaching and community? Because I ate the seed instead of sowing it. For so many years that I read about the armor of God, rather than giving it a place to take root in my life, I just ingested the message and moved on.
(Of course, the pun about "eating" the seed is not lost on me in my journey to freedom from gluttony.)
Lord, help me not to be wasteful with Your word and teaching. Remind me to meditate on it and find an application for it so there will be an affect on my life. Be glorified, Lord, because You have changed me.
10 July 2009
From the media
I was reading on msnbc.com this morning and I found an article titled "8 ways the food industry hijacks your brain. It's fairly interesting.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31832558/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/
Below is a link to an interview with the same Dr. Kessler from the above article:
http://www.salon.com/env/feature/2009/06/18/overeating/print.html
I like to have this information. I don't want to get wrapped-up in it or become obsessive, but I appreciate disclosure about the food I consume. I think it helps me make better choices.
There's a documentary coming out called "Food Inc" about practices of the food industry. There is a trailer on their website: http://www.foodincmovie.com/
A few years back I really enjoyed the film "Supersize Me" about large, fatty portions served at McDonald's. One thing I will say: it's not entirely McD's fault. Humans walk themselves into the restaurants, order whatever they like and proceed to eat too much. That's really the bottom line.
I actually worked my way through college at McDonald's. Yes, they have stuff that is terrible for the human body (I used to love the steak and egg bagel - good thing it's not sold in the Phoenix market!), but they have other choices. In my last semester of college I decided to lose weight. At that time I was working 5-6 days a week and so I was eating there about 2 meals a day. I lost 25 pounds that semester because I made huge changes in what I was eating: almost nothing fried, lots of salads, vegetables on everything, no biscuits and I ate an ice cream cone almost everyday.
It's about choices and knowing that all things are permissible, but not all things are profitable.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31832558/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/
Below is a link to an interview with the same Dr. Kessler from the above article:
http://www.salon.com/env/feature/2009/06/18/overeating/print.html
I like to have this information. I don't want to get wrapped-up in it or become obsessive, but I appreciate disclosure about the food I consume. I think it helps me make better choices.
There's a documentary coming out called "Food Inc" about practices of the food industry. There is a trailer on their website: http://www.foodincmovie.com/
A few years back I really enjoyed the film "Supersize Me" about large, fatty portions served at McDonald's. One thing I will say: it's not entirely McD's fault. Humans walk themselves into the restaurants, order whatever they like and proceed to eat too much. That's really the bottom line.
I actually worked my way through college at McDonald's. Yes, they have stuff that is terrible for the human body (I used to love the steak and egg bagel - good thing it's not sold in the Phoenix market!), but they have other choices. In my last semester of college I decided to lose weight. At that time I was working 5-6 days a week and so I was eating there about 2 meals a day. I lost 25 pounds that semester because I made huge changes in what I was eating: almost nothing fried, lots of salads, vegetables on everything, no biscuits and I ate an ice cream cone almost everyday.
It's about choices and knowing that all things are permissible, but not all things are profitable.
09 July 2009
Day 11 TW - whoa
This chapter gave me another moment of revelation. I think God has slowly been working this idea in me for awhile, but just now is is coming all together.
As a younger Christian I had major difficulties with marriages passages in the Bible (like Ephesians 5. 22 and following) because I had grown up in an environment where I was taught that men weren't to be trusted. The Lord slowly got me through that and taught me that honoring my husband, if I were to have one, was an act of worship to the Lord (it really wasn't about my husband at all). Last year, before our wedding, my husband and I went through pre-marital counseling with a couple at our church. I really dug into what "submit" means. The Greek word transliterates as 'hypotasso': 'hypo' meaning 'under' and 'tasso' roughly meaning 'rank'. This is a military term. Soldiers know their rank and file and know they must maintain it for the good of their unit.
I have my own 'rank and file' in my marriage and at my work and I maintain my place (ok, sometimes I fight against it) for the good of my marriage and for the good of my job. What about my 'rank and file' place in the Lord's kingdom?
I've done lots of studies and heard many sermons on Romans 12:1:
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship
And I've often heard people comment that the reason why this is so hard for us is because a living sacrifice (in comparison with a dead one) can slink off of the table. I've had a desire for years to offer myself to the Lord, but I was never successful for more than a short while and I didn't understand why.
I think I get it now.
Even though my mouth was saying, "Yes, Lord, I'm Yours," my heart and my mind were off doing their own thing. I said,"Thy will be done," but I never lived in a state of giving my will over. I think I was unable, not just unwilling, but I think I had so much selfish pride hardening me that I did not have the capability to sacrificially follow the Lord.
If I'm convinced that I have to do what my bosses say to keep my job, I'm going to do it. I think I wasn't convinced of my place in the Lord's kingdom. I've got to 'hypotasso' myself to the Lord so He can accomplish what He has planned.
What rambling! It seems so simple and I'm sure it's not so hard for others to understand, but I think I get it now. My job is to obey the Lord in my God-given place in the kingdom. I'm not the master of my body. I didn't make it, I don't make it function and I don't know when it will stop functioning. Only the Lord knows! If I leave it to Him it seems like there's less for me to worry about. I can't believe how blown away I am. Lord, help me to know this Truth, to make it my own and to live it out. You are the best Commander-in-Chief! Amazingly, my 'rank and file' position isn't as just some unnamed foot soldier, no! I am an adopted daughter of the Most High. What an honored place! Thank, God, for teaching me. Help me to follow You when my flesh seems more comfortable and guide me to continually give my will over to Yours. Amen!
As a younger Christian I had major difficulties with marriages passages in the Bible (like Ephesians 5. 22 and following) because I had grown up in an environment where I was taught that men weren't to be trusted. The Lord slowly got me through that and taught me that honoring my husband, if I were to have one, was an act of worship to the Lord (it really wasn't about my husband at all). Last year, before our wedding, my husband and I went through pre-marital counseling with a couple at our church. I really dug into what "submit" means. The Greek word transliterates as 'hypotasso': 'hypo' meaning 'under' and 'tasso' roughly meaning 'rank'. This is a military term. Soldiers know their rank and file and know they must maintain it for the good of their unit.
I have my own 'rank and file' in my marriage and at my work and I maintain my place (ok, sometimes I fight against it) for the good of my marriage and for the good of my job. What about my 'rank and file' place in the Lord's kingdom?
I've done lots of studies and heard many sermons on Romans 12:1:
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship
And I've often heard people comment that the reason why this is so hard for us is because a living sacrifice (in comparison with a dead one) can slink off of the table. I've had a desire for years to offer myself to the Lord, but I was never successful for more than a short while and I didn't understand why.
I think I get it now.
Even though my mouth was saying, "Yes, Lord, I'm Yours," my heart and my mind were off doing their own thing. I said,"Thy will be done," but I never lived in a state of giving my will over. I think I was unable, not just unwilling, but I think I had so much selfish pride hardening me that I did not have the capability to sacrificially follow the Lord.
If I'm convinced that I have to do what my bosses say to keep my job, I'm going to do it. I think I wasn't convinced of my place in the Lord's kingdom. I've got to 'hypotasso' myself to the Lord so He can accomplish what He has planned.
What rambling! It seems so simple and I'm sure it's not so hard for others to understand, but I think I get it now. My job is to obey the Lord in my God-given place in the kingdom. I'm not the master of my body. I didn't make it, I don't make it function and I don't know when it will stop functioning. Only the Lord knows! If I leave it to Him it seems like there's less for me to worry about. I can't believe how blown away I am. Lord, help me to know this Truth, to make it my own and to live it out. You are the best Commander-in-Chief! Amazingly, my 'rank and file' position isn't as just some unnamed foot soldier, no! I am an adopted daughter of the Most High. What an honored place! Thank, God, for teaching me. Help me to follow You when my flesh seems more comfortable and guide me to continually give my will over to Yours. Amen!
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