I am so enjoying the Stepping Up series by Beth Moore. I have had many moments in the past where I was not her biggest fan - I'm not as feelings-gooshy and family-oriented as she is and, because of that, I've often had a hard time relating to what she says. But I do love deep Bible study with her.
In Session 3 of the Stepping Up series Beth talks about Psalm 127 and how God surrounds His people. She also talked a good deal about another annual pilgrimage feast (the Psalms of Ascent that we are studying in this series were routinely said as pilgrims made their way up to Jerusalem) - the Feast of Weeks, also known as Pentecost.
This particular feast was a time for the Israelites to remember their former bondage (i.e. slavery in Egypt, captivity in Babylon). Beth talked about the importance of remembering our past and remembering our bondage. It was all so good that I was madly writing in my margins and barely got it all!
Beth talked about habitual sin. Hers in the past was different than mine, but gluttony has the exact same effect. She talked about how you get to a desperate state of sin-repent-sin and you hope that you'll be freed-up from your binding sin just because you want that freedom bad enough. It never works that way. What does work, she says, is the Word of God. "You can't help but be healed when you're in the Word."
She says (and I paraphrase) "Don't ever think that your struggle is the one that God's Word can't break. If you take Him at His Word He can liberate you."
Once you/me/we are liberated, she indicates, once we experience His immeasurable grace in our lives, then He can use that bondage, that sin, that memory for His glory. Amen! That's amazing! And I know it's true - I've seen it happen. If you've been liberated from depression, you can minister to those in it. If you've been delivered from gambling, you can help show others the way out. My hope and prayer is that someday in the future I will be able to help others by showing them Christ so they can be freed from gluttony, too.
"Lord, never let me forget this experience," Beth says. As painful as the memories may be, they are all linked to God's amazing and abundant grace.
Beth also mentioned that the Feast of weeks was also a time of generosity - of generous grace and generous giving. I want to be generous and graceful to others, but my critical judgements in my mind have shown me that I don't extend much grace to others.
Beth went on to say (again, paraphrase), "If you are a graceful person you remember your bondage. To the degree that I understand and experience grace, I will be graceful to others."
Maybe I don't understand the amazingness of His grace. Maybe I'm not very thankful. Oh, I want to be that person!
There's so much more that she said that stuck with me, but one thing in particular gives me hope:
"He knows this turns out good. You might as well go with it."
Praise God! He knows my future and He knows it is good. I might as well start moving in that direction. Why fight it? Why fight Him?
28 July 2009
26 July 2009
Make the most of it!
I'm at work at the hospital and it's about 3:30 in the morning on a Sunday. I just got finished interpreting for a neurosurgeon who told a family that their 19-year-old son is brain dead. Sometimes I hate my job.
I just got back to my office where I have KLOVE on and it started playing "How could I ask for more" by Cindy Morgan. I thought I was ok, but the lyrics to the song made me cry.
It's not what you do, it's how you live.
I want to live sincerely "no guilt in life, no fear of death" - the power of Christ living in me. I want to live full of gratitude, not bitterly holding on to old angers. I want to move on, get freed-up, leave gluttony behind and walk hand-in-hand with the Lover of my soul.
Live well! You don't know how much time you have.
I just got back to my office where I have KLOVE on and it started playing "How could I ask for more" by Cindy Morgan. I thought I was ok, but the lyrics to the song made me cry.
It's not what you do, it's how you live.
I want to live sincerely "no guilt in life, no fear of death" - the power of Christ living in me. I want to live full of gratitude, not bitterly holding on to old angers. I want to move on, get freed-up, leave gluttony behind and walk hand-in-hand with the Lover of my soul.
Live well! You don't know how much time you have.
23 July 2009
TW days 17 and 18
I really enjoy the focuses of days 17 and 18 in the TW book. Day 17 and Gratitude are just what I need and Day 18 and Boundaries are a wonderful help!
David, my husband, graduated from his mater's program in May and hasn't had a job offer yet. We're doing ok - if it weren't for his student loans we could live completely on my income, albeit tightly. We finally had some rain here this week which let us find out that we've got a pretty substantial leak in our roof :( The repair will be a big chunk of change.
When I learned this I really started to get anxious and I went into my "no-money" plan mode. Money was really tight for me after I finished my BA and God taught me how to live on almost nothing while still paying back student loans. It can be done (sí se puede!). This time around, though, I have to teach my husband. He's a pretty frugal guy, but not quite the penny-pincher I've been.
All that to say that God gave me the Gratitude section to read that very night. It was like He was saying, "Helloooo! Do you see all that you have, all that I've provided for? Come to me and I'll give you MY plan for your best." It was calming and humbling all at the same time!
I have, however, implemented, effective immediately, some changes to the household :) We live in an HOA that doesn't like clothes lines. We live in Arizona fro crying out loud! It's been 115 in the past days. If I hang clothes out they will be dry in 20 minutes (no kidding, I used to do it at my old house). My husband wants us to behave (I'm rolling my eyes a little) so, we have a line INSIDE the house. They take longer to try, but we're not using the dryer. :)
Secondly, I always really appreciate lessons on godly boundaries. Growing up I pushed some boundaries and maintained others and I know that, in general, our flesh doesn't like to have limits enforced, but they are good and healthy. For example, we like physical boundaries. In the neonatal ICU at my hospital, the nurses and therapists create boundaries for the babies (usually something along the line of rolled up blankets to form a nest around the baby). We were so used to the confines of our mother's womb that suddenly being outside of it is scary - especially for premies who aren't ready yet. For the same reason full-term babies get tightly swaddled. It's comforting.
In my one experience scuba diving I was staying at a dive instruction school off the coast of Honduras. When we went out on dives, they would take us to beautiful coral reefs that sloped down the embankment of the island. To one side, the reef, to the other, the wide, deep blue ocean. This was the one time in life that I was agoraphobic. It's so immense and unending. I didn't want to drift away from the relative safety of the reef into the unknown. I thought at that very moment, "Thank You, Lord for boundaries! Now I see a tangible reason why You made them! Even when I think things are ok, I don't know about everything that could happen, so You give me boundaries for my protection."
I also know now that the Lord gives boundaries just as discipline to show us the importance of following him. My buddy the other night was talking about Marine boot camp. A group of recruits had to tread water without touching their faces. After a few minutes one guy did. The drill sergeant singles him out and made him tread longer while the others watched. I asked why they couldn't touch their faces. My buddy said it's to break their will so they learn to do nothing apart from what their commanding officer orders.
Fortunately, our heavenly Drill Sergeant loves us and caringly teaches us. God has never told me, "Drop and give me 50!" but He has, at times, showed me very clearly His boundaries for my life. Sometimes I've been obedient, sometimes I've learned the very, very hard way.
These two lessons are amazing and so useful for me! I'm so very thankful that the TW book/program isn't about just not eating for the glory of God, but that it gives me very tangible, real and helpful tools to change my relationship with Him. I'll have to write the TW organization to thank them. :)
David, my husband, graduated from his mater's program in May and hasn't had a job offer yet. We're doing ok - if it weren't for his student loans we could live completely on my income, albeit tightly. We finally had some rain here this week which let us find out that we've got a pretty substantial leak in our roof :( The repair will be a big chunk of change.
When I learned this I really started to get anxious and I went into my "no-money" plan mode. Money was really tight for me after I finished my BA and God taught me how to live on almost nothing while still paying back student loans. It can be done (sí se puede!). This time around, though, I have to teach my husband. He's a pretty frugal guy, but not quite the penny-pincher I've been.
All that to say that God gave me the Gratitude section to read that very night. It was like He was saying, "Helloooo! Do you see all that you have, all that I've provided for? Come to me and I'll give you MY plan for your best." It was calming and humbling all at the same time!
I have, however, implemented, effective immediately, some changes to the household :) We live in an HOA that doesn't like clothes lines. We live in Arizona fro crying out loud! It's been 115 in the past days. If I hang clothes out they will be dry in 20 minutes (no kidding, I used to do it at my old house). My husband wants us to behave (I'm rolling my eyes a little) so, we have a line INSIDE the house. They take longer to try, but we're not using the dryer. :)
Secondly, I always really appreciate lessons on godly boundaries. Growing up I pushed some boundaries and maintained others and I know that, in general, our flesh doesn't like to have limits enforced, but they are good and healthy. For example, we like physical boundaries. In the neonatal ICU at my hospital, the nurses and therapists create boundaries for the babies (usually something along the line of rolled up blankets to form a nest around the baby). We were so used to the confines of our mother's womb that suddenly being outside of it is scary - especially for premies who aren't ready yet. For the same reason full-term babies get tightly swaddled. It's comforting.
In my one experience scuba diving I was staying at a dive instruction school off the coast of Honduras. When we went out on dives, they would take us to beautiful coral reefs that sloped down the embankment of the island. To one side, the reef, to the other, the wide, deep blue ocean. This was the one time in life that I was agoraphobic. It's so immense and unending. I didn't want to drift away from the relative safety of the reef into the unknown. I thought at that very moment, "Thank You, Lord for boundaries! Now I see a tangible reason why You made them! Even when I think things are ok, I don't know about everything that could happen, so You give me boundaries for my protection."
I also know now that the Lord gives boundaries just as discipline to show us the importance of following him. My buddy the other night was talking about Marine boot camp. A group of recruits had to tread water without touching their faces. After a few minutes one guy did. The drill sergeant singles him out and made him tread longer while the others watched. I asked why they couldn't touch their faces. My buddy said it's to break their will so they learn to do nothing apart from what their commanding officer orders.
Fortunately, our heavenly Drill Sergeant loves us and caringly teaches us. God has never told me, "Drop and give me 50!" but He has, at times, showed me very clearly His boundaries for my life. Sometimes I've been obedient, sometimes I've learned the very, very hard way.
These two lessons are amazing and so useful for me! I'm so very thankful that the TW book/program isn't about just not eating for the glory of God, but that it gives me very tangible, real and helpful tools to change my relationship with Him. I'll have to write the TW organization to thank them. :)
22 July 2009
Bleh...
Yesterday I felt famished all day. I had two bowls of cereal for breakfast and a large bowl of curry and rice for lunch. I think it's because I was dehydrated.
I also really wanted a cookie.
I tend to have these cravings that are insistent. Since starting the TW book study I have had success in not succumbing to them. Last night was not one of those times. When I got home, I just wanted something sweet - I wanted a cookie. But, we don't have any (as my husband says it's because I haven't made any). So, I had a little ice cream with a piece of chocolate. It wasn't much, but I wasn't hungry. This lead me down the path to stuffing my face with my husband's sugared cereal. I ate like 4 bowls worth. It was terrible.
I ate so much that I was too full to go to the gym. Double-whammy.
Observe and correct! I did that which DOES NOT serve me. I hope I remember to go to the Lord next time instead of the Costco-sized bag of cereal.
:)
I also really wanted a cookie.
I tend to have these cravings that are insistent. Since starting the TW book study I have had success in not succumbing to them. Last night was not one of those times. When I got home, I just wanted something sweet - I wanted a cookie. But, we don't have any (as my husband says it's because I haven't made any). So, I had a little ice cream with a piece of chocolate. It wasn't much, but I wasn't hungry. This lead me down the path to stuffing my face with my husband's sugared cereal. I ate like 4 bowls worth. It was terrible.
I ate so much that I was too full to go to the gym. Double-whammy.
Observe and correct! I did that which DOES NOT serve me. I hope I remember to go to the Lord next time instead of the Costco-sized bag of cereal.
:)
20 July 2009
Prayer
Apparently the Lord really wants to get it through my head that prayer is important! It's not that I don't pray but my prayer life is lacking. The Lord is not the central focus in most of my activities/relationships. Thank you, God, for teaching me this before I get too far away!
Our church is going through a sermon series on prayer. It's been really great to learn about prayer in a new way. Yesterday the sermon title was "prayer faux pas" - that maybe our prayers reflect what we feel we need rather than what God wants most for us. The pastor gave us various examples from Paul's prayers in Ephesians 1 and 4 and Colossians 1 about what to pray for. Some of the topics were the knowledge of God, wisdom from Him, purity and peace - these all being things more eternally essential than even important issues on earth like health and basic necessities.
The pastor also pointed out some prayers that sound good but may not be reasonable. My favorite example is about saying grace before the meal:
"Dear Lord, thank you for this Big Mac. Bless it to nourish my body. Amen"
That is, praying that the Lord will give my Big Mac the same kind of nutrition as a bowl of veggies. :) This was a great example for me because it made me think of some of the shallow or self-serving prayers that I have said during my study in the TW book.
Lord, teach me to pray! Help me to praise You for who You are and to ask for Your guidance, leading and care. Lord, show me what You want for my life and correct me when I ask You to bless MY plan. Amen.
Our church is going through a sermon series on prayer. It's been really great to learn about prayer in a new way. Yesterday the sermon title was "prayer faux pas" - that maybe our prayers reflect what we feel we need rather than what God wants most for us. The pastor gave us various examples from Paul's prayers in Ephesians 1 and 4 and Colossians 1 about what to pray for. Some of the topics were the knowledge of God, wisdom from Him, purity and peace - these all being things more eternally essential than even important issues on earth like health and basic necessities.
The pastor also pointed out some prayers that sound good but may not be reasonable. My favorite example is about saying grace before the meal:
"Dear Lord, thank you for this Big Mac. Bless it to nourish my body. Amen"
That is, praying that the Lord will give my Big Mac the same kind of nutrition as a bowl of veggies. :) This was a great example for me because it made me think of some of the shallow or self-serving prayers that I have said during my study in the TW book.
Lord, teach me to pray! Help me to praise You for who You are and to ask for Your guidance, leading and care. Lord, show me what You want for my life and correct me when I ask You to bless MY plan. Amen.
19 July 2009
TW days 15 and 16
I have had some difficulty with the activities in days 15 and 16 in the TW book. I see that I still have a lot to give over to the Lord.
First, I see my lack of prayerful eating. I may pray before eating, but I often lack in speaking to the Lord while I'm eating. I am not practicing the conscious eating key #2 "Reduce the number of distractions to eat in a clam environment". I've noticed mainly that either 1) I am paying attention to the people that I am eating with and not to my food; 2) I am choosing distraction by reading, having the TV on or 'multi-tasking' at work; or 3) I have been at a 0 for longer than I want and therefore I scarf down whatever is laid in front of me.
In the day 15 activity, "The first meal of the rest of your life", I found it was hard to be still with the Lord and to eat slowly. This is something that I need to pray about. Obviously, even though I may not be using food to push down emotions as before, I am still finding ways to avoid feeling things that are uncomfortable.
I think this was a helpful and very apropos activity to mark the halfway point through the book.
The day 16 activity was hard because I had to face some significant (i.e. difficult) times in my life. One thing I found in all of them, however, was that God made Himself known to me at just the right moment. Just when I thought I was going to lose it, He showed Himself in love to me. I also realized that three of the moments that I chose came to a head at about the same time - 8th grade - which was also when I came to know the Lord as my Savior. I always look back at my junior high years as a dreadful time, but this activity helped me to see that the Lord allowed such things so that my heart would be ready for Him.
I was additionally struck by a sentence at the top of page 161:
"And He empowers us by His amazing grace to experience the results He desires."
I live in a time and place where the term 'empowerment' is thrown around all of the time (and it is such a hard term to define in other cultures - it's difficult to translate at work!). The thing is, it's always spoken of in terms of 'self-empowerment' - that I am to do something to make myself able. That's a sham! How do I make myself more powerful? I can try to convince myself and others that I am, but that doesn't really mean it. The power that I am comes from the Holy God living in me!
The Lord says in Exodus 9:16:
"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."
And this promise He gives in Acts 1:8:
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
So, I have His power. How? By His amazing grace! It is so undeserved, but I am so thankful that He give it to me. This grace is His unmerited favor towards me. Why? Simply because I am His creation and loved by the One whose name is love (1 John 3).
Lastly, and this is the most profound to me, "...to experience the results He desires." He works His power and grace in me with the result being His plan. Not my plan. His plan is great, magnificent, awe-inspiring and, even though He does care about the most minute details of my life, including my weight, His ultimate results have nothing to do with my physical body. His desire, I believe, is reflected in many of Paul's prayers for believers:
Colossians 1.9-12:
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Nothing in this prayer refers to weight gain, good health, having a job or even providing for my family. Every request has to do with my spiritual health and relationship with the Lord.
Father, thank you so much for these activities in the TW book. They're so hard at times. You know it! But I;m thankful for them because they show me how You have been present in my life even in the hard times. You are amazingly and abundantly more gracious, loving and kind than I could ever imagine or hope for. Let me not waste your goodness! Help me be a good steward of everything that You give me for whatever amount of time that You keep me here. Praise Your name, Holiest God, Jehovah jirah (my provider) and el-roi (the God who sees). Amen!
First, I see my lack of prayerful eating. I may pray before eating, but I often lack in speaking to the Lord while I'm eating. I am not practicing the conscious eating key #2 "Reduce the number of distractions to eat in a clam environment". I've noticed mainly that either 1) I am paying attention to the people that I am eating with and not to my food; 2) I am choosing distraction by reading, having the TV on or 'multi-tasking' at work; or 3) I have been at a 0 for longer than I want and therefore I scarf down whatever is laid in front of me.
In the day 15 activity, "The first meal of the rest of your life", I found it was hard to be still with the Lord and to eat slowly. This is something that I need to pray about. Obviously, even though I may not be using food to push down emotions as before, I am still finding ways to avoid feeling things that are uncomfortable.
I think this was a helpful and very apropos activity to mark the halfway point through the book.
The day 16 activity was hard because I had to face some significant (i.e. difficult) times in my life. One thing I found in all of them, however, was that God made Himself known to me at just the right moment. Just when I thought I was going to lose it, He showed Himself in love to me. I also realized that three of the moments that I chose came to a head at about the same time - 8th grade - which was also when I came to know the Lord as my Savior. I always look back at my junior high years as a dreadful time, but this activity helped me to see that the Lord allowed such things so that my heart would be ready for Him.
I was additionally struck by a sentence at the top of page 161:
"And He empowers us by His amazing grace to experience the results He desires."
I live in a time and place where the term 'empowerment' is thrown around all of the time (and it is such a hard term to define in other cultures - it's difficult to translate at work!). The thing is, it's always spoken of in terms of 'self-empowerment' - that I am to do something to make myself able. That's a sham! How do I make myself more powerful? I can try to convince myself and others that I am, but that doesn't really mean it. The power that I am comes from the Holy God living in me!
The Lord says in Exodus 9:16:
"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."
And this promise He gives in Acts 1:8:
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
So, I have His power. How? By His amazing grace! It is so undeserved, but I am so thankful that He give it to me. This grace is His unmerited favor towards me. Why? Simply because I am His creation and loved by the One whose name is love (1 John 3).
Lastly, and this is the most profound to me, "...to experience the results He desires." He works His power and grace in me with the result being His plan. Not my plan. His plan is great, magnificent, awe-inspiring and, even though He does care about the most minute details of my life, including my weight, His ultimate results have nothing to do with my physical body. His desire, I believe, is reflected in many of Paul's prayers for believers:
Colossians 1.9-12:
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Nothing in this prayer refers to weight gain, good health, having a job or even providing for my family. Every request has to do with my spiritual health and relationship with the Lord.
Father, thank you so much for these activities in the TW book. They're so hard at times. You know it! But I;m thankful for them because they show me how You have been present in my life even in the hard times. You are amazingly and abundantly more gracious, loving and kind than I could ever imagine or hope for. Let me not waste your goodness! Help me be a good steward of everything that You give me for whatever amount of time that You keep me here. Praise Your name, Holiest God, Jehovah jirah (my provider) and el-roi (the God who sees). Amen!
14 July 2009
Cautious freedom
I was reading through some of Heidi's older posts (http://godisdoinganewthing.blogspot.com/) about eating and exercise and felt like I could relate.
About this time 4 years ago I started losing weight by obsessively counting calories and working out. It did me some good in the short term. I lost about 20 pounds (only to find them again). Actually, my lowest is only a tad less than my current weight.
The difference between then and now is that before I felt like it was a huge struggle and sacrifice. I gave myself X calories per day and I was constantly keeping a running total in my head. I worked out every day for at least an hour. Sometimes I was at the gym 3-4 hours on a Saturday. At that time I was working on my master's thesis and as soon as I had to pour all of my time and energy into the project, I had to quit going to the gym so often. With that, the weight poured back on. I gained back everything I lost within 3-4 months (it was also over Christmas).
Also, during that time, I was really vain. I was constantly checking myself out in mirrors (or reflective windows - anything shiny) and, since I had a nice income, I spent a lot on new clothing. I constantly wanted to look good. [Side note - it was during this time that I met my now-husband, so maybe at least it benefited him - hehehe]
The Lord has been so wonderful to me in 2009 in respect to gluttony and body issues. Using the TW principles I don't feel deprived. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing so much (blah, blah, blah). I feel free and I feel like God is going to do more.
That said, I'm optimistically cautious. I have a limit as to how much working out I can do in a given week. Part of that is so I don't obsess. The other part is that I know it's not sustainable over the long term. At some point I won't be able to work out 5-7 times in a week, so I don't start. (Ok, there was one week back in April when I went 5 times in a week, but I knew it was just a special case because I got to go to some free dance classes with my coworker.) Three is a good, healthy limit for me currently.
Part of this limit is because my mind-set was that of an 'exercise bulimic'. I thought, "If I can just work out enough, I can eat what I want." I've know for a long time that my bondage to food was the reason I was overweight. I thought that, as long as I could burn off the calories, I could eat whatever I pleased. I've struggled with this so much and I've known, as a follower of Christ, that gluttony is a sin. So, I started searching out biblical truth about gluttony and sin hoping to be freed, but focusing on the "bad-ness" of the sin doesn't save me from it. Only Christ does. I knew that I couldn't possibly exercise enough to burn all of the calories that I desired to consume. I was so frustrated!
I've gone through the materials of "The Lord's Table". It's good, solid information, but I wasn't ready to give it all up. After the 30 days was over, I essentially went back to eating as before. Because of that, it's essential that I don't look at Thin Within as a program, or day 30 as a limit. These are just keys to guide me to the Lord.
At the beginning of Thin Within (day 3, I think), we're asked to set a God-directed goal for the duration of the study. I didn't set one because I didn't hear anything from God. I think He just wants me to persevere and He'll tell me when I've made it to my destination. Sure, I've got personal goals that I would love to attain: have a BMI in the "normal weight" range, wear single-digit sized pants, go down a size on my wedding ring... but I figure that if I put myself into the Lord's hands, He'll do whatever is best.
About this time 4 years ago I started losing weight by obsessively counting calories and working out. It did me some good in the short term. I lost about 20 pounds (only to find them again). Actually, my lowest is only a tad less than my current weight.
The difference between then and now is that before I felt like it was a huge struggle and sacrifice. I gave myself X calories per day and I was constantly keeping a running total in my head. I worked out every day for at least an hour. Sometimes I was at the gym 3-4 hours on a Saturday. At that time I was working on my master's thesis and as soon as I had to pour all of my time and energy into the project, I had to quit going to the gym so often. With that, the weight poured back on. I gained back everything I lost within 3-4 months (it was also over Christmas).
Also, during that time, I was really vain. I was constantly checking myself out in mirrors (or reflective windows - anything shiny) and, since I had a nice income, I spent a lot on new clothing. I constantly wanted to look good. [Side note - it was during this time that I met my now-husband, so maybe at least it benefited him - hehehe]
The Lord has been so wonderful to me in 2009 in respect to gluttony and body issues. Using the TW principles I don't feel deprived. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing so much (blah, blah, blah). I feel free and I feel like God is going to do more.
That said, I'm optimistically cautious. I have a limit as to how much working out I can do in a given week. Part of that is so I don't obsess. The other part is that I know it's not sustainable over the long term. At some point I won't be able to work out 5-7 times in a week, so I don't start. (Ok, there was one week back in April when I went 5 times in a week, but I knew it was just a special case because I got to go to some free dance classes with my coworker.) Three is a good, healthy limit for me currently.
Part of this limit is because my mind-set was that of an 'exercise bulimic'. I thought, "If I can just work out enough, I can eat what I want." I've know for a long time that my bondage to food was the reason I was overweight. I thought that, as long as I could burn off the calories, I could eat whatever I pleased. I've struggled with this so much and I've known, as a follower of Christ, that gluttony is a sin. So, I started searching out biblical truth about gluttony and sin hoping to be freed, but focusing on the "bad-ness" of the sin doesn't save me from it. Only Christ does. I knew that I couldn't possibly exercise enough to burn all of the calories that I desired to consume. I was so frustrated!
I've gone through the materials of "The Lord's Table". It's good, solid information, but I wasn't ready to give it all up. After the 30 days was over, I essentially went back to eating as before. Because of that, it's essential that I don't look at Thin Within as a program, or day 30 as a limit. These are just keys to guide me to the Lord.
At the beginning of Thin Within (day 3, I think), we're asked to set a God-directed goal for the duration of the study. I didn't set one because I didn't hear anything from God. I think He just wants me to persevere and He'll tell me when I've made it to my destination. Sure, I've got personal goals that I would love to attain: have a BMI in the "normal weight" range, wear single-digit sized pants, go down a size on my wedding ring... but I figure that if I put myself into the Lord's hands, He'll do whatever is best.
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